What Makes a Family
by ficdirectory
Summary: AU. Part 1 of the What Makes a Family series. Single artist, Emily Prentiss, wants to do more with her life, but she has no idea of the highs and lows she will face as a foster mother. Features the rest of the team as kids. *WARNINGS: Implied sexual abuse, self-harm, addiction, language, violence* **Nominated: Best Alternate Universe in the 2012 Profiler's Choice Awards**
1. Jack & Henry

_**Author's Note:** This started out as a response to bowlerhat_girl's Alphabet Fic request B is for Babies, featuring Emily. Soon, the idea grew - thanks to nannerz2cool - into what you'll see here. This is an AU, not a romance. Emily is a single artist and foster mom. Dave and Carolyn Rossi live down the street, and are trusted friends. In upcoming chapters know that you will be seeing the rest of the team. I write these types of stories because they are what I enjoy reading. If it's not your cup of tea, feel free to skip it. If you do read it, know I strive for realism which means it may not always be happy, and it may feature things you are not comfortable reading. Check the warnings. If you're in for the long-haul, I hope you enjoy it! _

* * *

><p>Is a mother still a mother without children? Is a child still a child without parents?<p>

This question set Emily searching just before her 30th birthday. Searching for a way to affect the world. A way to be a mother, though she had no children. A way to be more than a locally known artist on a quiet street. Opening her home to foster children seemed to be a way to answer all the unanswerable questions. To fulfill her calling and atone for a past full of mistakes. She came from money, so that wasn't an issue. She was single but stable and had a huge house, imagining the day when she would get married and fill its rooms with kids of her own. That dream hadn't come true. But this one might.

The process itself took months - there were classes to take and safety measures to have in place, and clothing and toys for any age child from newborn to ten years old. The last thing Emily expected was to be approved on Christmas Eve and get her first call the very next day.

"We have twin boys, who just came into care. Newborns. Could you take them?" her caseworker inquired, just as Emily had gotten comfortable in front of the fireplace with a glass of wine to celebrate this new phase in her life.

Babies. What did she really know about babies?

"It would be a short term placement, just until their biological mother is released from the hospital. She had a difficult pregnancy and delivery and…" She kept speaking, but Emily didn't hear the rest.

"I'll take them," she said.

What the hell. If she was at a loss, she could always ask that nice couple, Dave and Carolyn, who live down the street. Emily had known them for years. Dave had served in the military and now worked as a police officer. His wife of over twenty years, Carolyn, was an elementary school teacher, who mostly subbed now. They attended mass at the same Catholic church, and Emily considered them friends. Good friends. They took all the classes, too, and were cleared to take care of the kids who came into Emily's care, if something were to come up for her. They were older, too. They probably knew all about babies.

So, she had dumped the wine down the sink - grateful she hadn't sampled it yet - and went to her garage. She found the two car seats and strapped them in, and then drove to the local hospital, to pick up her first two boys.

Their names were Jack and Henry, they were three days old, and Emily was in for one hell of a ride. Or so she had thought at the time. Her total terror at being solely responsible for two tiny humans gave way to wonder and awe, as she held the two small boys - one in each arm - and stared at them.

Jack, in her left arm, slept peacefully. He was frighteningly small, at five pounds - as though Henry had taken all the space and nutrients and left his brother only what he was too full to consume. Jack had light brown hair, and his eyes still hadn't settled on a color yet. Henry, on the other hand, was a robust eight pounds, and completely bald. He was wide-awake while Jack slept, and stared at Emily, as if he wondered what they might do next.

When Henry started fussing, loud enough to wake Jack and send him into hysterics, Emily panicked. She picked up the phone and dialed Dave and Carolyn Rossi.

"Dave, I've got two. What do I do?" she asked, not caring if she sounded incompetent. Most mothers had nine months to prepare for their babies. She had gotten approximately twenty minutes.

"Two? Two, what?" he asked, confused. Emily could hear a house full of family in the background. She imagined the pungent, warm fragrances of Dave's Italian cooking and was, for a moment, envious. All she'd managed for dinner was…well…nothing. She'd been rushing around trying to put the finishing touches on the house and a gate around the Christmas tree, at the thought that at any moment, she might have little ones running around.

"_Babies_, Dave! Two babies!" Was it really possible that he had forgotten?

"Are you having second thoughts?" he asked quietly, no judgment in his tone, just a warm, paternal concern that Emily never heard from her own father.

"No, but I never thought I'd get twins my first time!" she said, blinking back tears.

"Carolyn!" she heard Dave call. "Emily's got twins!"

"Tell her to sit tight! We'll be right there!" Carolyn promised.

"No… I didn't mean.." Emily objected weakly, despite the crying that had increased to an earsplitting level. "What about your family?"

"Kiddo, last time I checked, you qualified…"

They hung up, and in minutes, Dave and Carolyn were letting themselves into Emily's house.

Carolyn gave Emily a crash course on making formula while Dave held a baby in each arm, looking as if Christmas had come all over again.

"These boys are gonna be handsome devils someday…" he said. "Emily, you got any cigars?"

"Keep dreaming," Emily laughed, tossing the words over her shoulder. "And they're only staying a few days, so don't get too attached…" she warned.

"We'll just make them a damn good few days, then, won't we boys?" Emily overheard Dave saying to the babies, who were still hungry.

Carolyn sent her a look as she warmed up a second bottle carefully. "Honey, no matter how long you know them, you always get attached.

"How did you get so good at this?" Emily asked.

"A year into our marriage, David and I had a little boy. James. He had a heart condition and only lived a few months…" she confided, sadness in her eyes. Carolyn's hands, though, kept admirably busy, accomplishing the task ahead.

"I'm so sorry," Emily apologized.

But Carolyn just brought the bottles to her husband and Emily watched silently as he handed Jack to Carolyn and kept Henry to feed.

Now, less than a week later, Emily faced saying goodbye to the boys she'd fallen in love with. Jack, and his quiet nature, had a strange habit of sprawling out to sleep. Henry, on the other hand, preferred to be held close and cuddled. In just six days, Emily had mastered simultaneous bottle making, and feeding. She learned to change tiny diapers and bathe impossibly small bodies. She learned that nothing smelled quite as sweet as the mix of Johnson and Johnson's shampoo and baby powder. That nothing was cuter than the sight of these two brothers, somehow sensing each other's presence in the same crib and flailing around until they could touch each other.

When they left on New Year's Day - just as Carolyn promised - it broke her heart, and Emily wasn't sure she could keep doing this. But instead of drowning in the sadness, she went on a mini vacation to clear her head and came back, renewed, and ready for the next children who needed her.

She never imagined that, ten years later, Emily would have watched 50-some kids come and go. That Jack and Henry's mother would persist in sending Emily Christmas cards each year, showing them, a year older each time. Her cupboard doors are covered in Christmas cards, but the one from her first babies is treasured a little more deeply. The ten-year-olds who smile back at her from the picture hardly resemble their baby selves. Jack won the school spelling bee this year, and Henry made the traveling baseball team for the 11 and up age division.

Though she didn't raise these boys, Emily finds, she couldn't be prouder.

Three little girls - sisters - have just left Emily's care and she is on her way to take a weekend for herself. Dave and Carolyn have offered their cabin. So Emily will go, and recharge. She'll paint the faces of thee girls and get ready for the next call.

Her journey into motherhood may have begun a decade earlier, but it is nowhere near over.


	2. Aaron

Aaron sat back against the seat in the car and closed his eyes. He didn't want to see the snow outside. He didn't want to see the lights and the Christmas trees and everything that let him know that other people were happy. He was only seven, but Aaron knew that being happy was all fake. Maybe, if he kept his eyes closed for long enough, it would be like the last year never happened. He could pretend he never left Emily's house. His arm hurt inside the cast, though, and he knew his body was covered in scars he didn't have the last time.

Emily was talking to him, but Aaron ignored her. It was better than having his caseworker, Erin Strauss, drop him off places. She treated him like some little kid who didn't know anything. The only nice thing Erin Strauss did was give him a winter hat and coat out of the trunk of her car. But he knew she did that for every kid, because she had a lot of hats and coats. Emily, at least, treated him like a person.

He tried to listen. It was polite, and if he behaved himself then maybe, he wouldn't have to go back, like the last time. When he was six, he stayed with Emily for one day and one night after he tried to run away. His real mom and dad found him though, and took him back home. Then, everything got so much worse.

"…don't have any kids right now, so it's just going to be you and me again. Do you want the same bedroom you had before?"

Aaron swallowed, but made himself speak up. "Yes, thank you."

Emily looked at him through the rearview mirror. She had brown eyes and dark brown hair just like he did. Out walking around, no one would know he was her foster kid. They would just think he was her real son. He liked thinking that, but didn't let himself think about it much. He knew things didn't work out the way he wanted them to.

The house was just like Aaron remembered. Big, with a lot of bricks. That was the best thing to use to keep bad people out. Emily had some rocks in her front yard that she called a garden. Aaron didn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her that a garden needed flowers in it. He followed her into the house. Just like last time, Aaron had nothing with him. He was wearing stuff that a person at the hospital bought for him.

"Everything's pretty much like it was before," Emily told him, but she showed him around anyway. "This is the kitchen," she said, and then she took him to every part of it. She showed him how to get a drink of water, and said he could have one whenever he was thirsty.

He looked at her carefully, to see that she was telling the truth. It was hard to tell sometimes. Adults had ways of tricking kids.

"Is everything okay?" Emily asked. She stopped what she was doing and came down to his level. Aaron took a step back. He didn't like it when people got in his space, because that usually meant something bad was going to happen.

"Not to be rude…but I just know all this already…I was here last year…so I remember…" That was true. But he believed her last time, and this time, he wasn't so sure.

Instead of getting mad, Emily smiled. "You have a good memory. I just want to make sure you feel comfortable here. So, I'm going to show you around, if that's okay."

"Yes, ma'am," he answered, feeling disappointed in himself. Emily didn't know everything was different now and he couldn't tell her. So he just followed behind her and looked at everything she showed him, pretending he believed her when she said it was okay to get water, have a piece of fruit from the table, use the bathroom or play with the toys.

* * *

><p>Emily watched as Aaron walked the perimeter of each room, eyeing her like he wasn't sure if he could trust her. She wished she could do something to reassure him. He was so different than the last time she'd seen him. He had stayed with Emily just 24 hours last year after he wandered away from his home. By all accounts, it was just an oversight by the parents where each thought the other had been watching him. Now, however, Emily was sure that there had been something darker going on.<p>

After showing him around the house, Emily made sure new kids bathed and she checked their belongings to see what they had and what was needed. The latter wasn't necessary with little Aaron because he came with nothing at all. Even his coat and hat had been given to him by his case worker. The red and blue Cars pajamas that hung off his thin frame - a gift from the hospital staff.

She got him a washcloth and towel and filled the tub with warm water. Then, she got a black garbage bag, and prepared to insulate the cast. Shirtless now, so she could see the myriad of scars on his tiny body, the wariness came back into his eyes. He stared at her.

"What, honey?" she asked. "I'm just going to put this around your cast so it doesn't get wet, okay? It won't hurt, I promise."

"I don't need a bath," Aaron said, matter-of-fact.

"Well…" Emily hedged. "I'd like you to take one. You'll feel better. It's really important not to get the cast wet, though, and this garbage bag is the best way to keep it dry."

His brown eyes grew darker, as he grabbed the bag from her hand and pushed past her.

"If you want me to go, you can just say so. I don't want to stay with you, anyway," he said, his voice shaking a little.

Aaron wasn't dumb. He knew a garbage bag didn't mean keeping a cast dry. Keeping a cast dry wasn't even important anyway. Garbage bags meant, pack up all your stuff and get the hell out because nobody wants you anymore. He learned that from the lots of times his real mom and dad kicked him out of the house. And from the other time, Emily sent him back to his house after he spent the night.

The only problem was, he didn't have anything. Even the winter stuff wasn't his. Even these pajamas - they weren't his either. He looked around the bedroom that was his last year. At the green and white bedspread and the clothes in the closet for every age boy, not just seven-year-olds. It made him feel heavy inside. He wasn't sure what to do with the bag so he put it back under the sink with the rest.

He was on his way to the front door when Emily caught up with him.

"Aaron, stop," she said, her voice soft but firm.

He froze. He held his breath. He was ready.

Emily came around to face him and got in his space again. "I don't want you to go. I shouldn't have given you that bag. That's what I used to pack your stuff in last time, wasn't it?"

Aaron nodded, just a little.

"That was my mistake. Here," and, like magic, she found a white garbage bag with red ties. "Is this better for your cast?" she asked, even though it wouldn't matter what he said.

"You don't need to waste them on me. I don't need one," he said again. That was a close call, and he was determined to be as good as possible and not use up all of Emily's stuff.

"I'm the mom, okay?" she reminded him gently. "That means I take care of you when you're hurt and make sure you have food to eat and a warm bed to sleep in at night. Part of taking care of you is making sure that cast stays dry so your arm can heal."

Aaron sighed. She wasn't going to back down on this. Still not too sure, he offered her his arm with the cast and let her put the bag around it. Just like she promised, it didn't hurt.

* * *

><p>By the time five o'clock rolled around, Emily felt exhausted. Though Aaron was obviously doing his best not to be a bother, he also refused toys, which meant that he ended up following her from room to room, completely silent.<p>

When left completely alone, Aaron would barricade himself in small areas. Behind furniture, in closets or under his bed. When Emily asked if he was okay, he said yes, and honestly meant it. So she had spent hours, on her stomach or curled into the impossibly tight space in her closet beside him. She read him stories about a puppy who was not safe and had to find another home.

Aaron didn't say a word, but listened intently, and often asked her to point to a specific word on the page, or to reread a particular passage. Curled up like this, he couldn't be comfortable, but he seemed more at ease now than when he was out in the open. So she read story after story. Some funny, some serious, some with morals, some about foster care, and some of her favorites from when she was growing up. He listened for hours, not saying a word, and when she had to get up to make dinner he followed closely behind, clutching Dr. Seuss's Oh, the Places You'll Go tightly to his chest.

Emily made macaroni and cheese, and hot dogs for dinner. It definitely wasn't her favorite menu item, but a decade of caring for kids in foster care let her know that such meals were comforting and somewhat familiar. So it wasn't a total loss nutritionally, he served it with green beans.

Aaron sat, silently looking at his plate. His stomach growled, betraying his hunger,

"Go ahead. You can eat," she encouraged gently. She didn't say what she was thinking. That he needed to eat. He was dangerously underweight and appeared more like a three or four-year-old than a seven-year-old. The only clue to his real age was the missing front teeth.

* * *

><p>Aaron couldn't believe all the food. This whole plate couldn't be for him. But Emily kept nodding and telling him to take bites. He <em>was<em> hungry, but wasn't used to eating all at once like this. It took a long time to eat it all, but Aaron did, because he didn't know when he'd get to eat next.

When he was done, he helped Emily by bringing the plates to the sink and when she said he could be excused to go play, he found the Dr Seuss book and tried to read the words.

There was no television at Emily's house and only her cell phone that vibrated sometimes. He knew better than to try and touch it. Phones were private property and so were televisions and everything in a person's house. Unless Aaron bought something with money that he earned, he didn't have the right to touch it. The book was different, because Emily told him he could read it as much as he wanted.

He paged through it again and again. After a while of following Emily around, she sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to her. Aaron wasn't so sure about what she meant. So he waited until she said to come sit next to her.

He sat stiffly, wondering what would happen next. When she opened the book and started reading to him again, Aaron relaxed. He liked the sound of her voice when she was reading.

She tried asking him what his favorite part was, but he didn't know what the right answer was, so he turned the question on her and asked her what her favorite part was. She smiled and turned to the page where there were a whole bunch of people waiting. Aaron didn't like that page, but he kept his mouth shut.

There was a snack before bed, and then Aaron had to brush his teeth, only he didn't know how. So he waited by the sink until Emily showed him. Then there was a special story about a prince, which Aaron liked better than all the other stories.

"Good night," she said, smiling at him. "I'll leave the door open, so you can see the light in the hallway, okay, buddy?"

Aaron nodded a little. His legs hurt and his arm hurt, and it felt funny to sleep here. The bed was too soft and the house was too quiet. So he stayed awake and listened for the time when everything would change. He didn't move. He couldn't breathe that good. He wondered if he would still be here tomorrow, or if his real mom and dad would get him back just like before.

* * *

><p>Upstairs, Emily dialed Dave and Carolyn. "Yeah, Aaron's back," she said, sadness in her voice.<p>

"Little Aaron Hotchner?" Dave said, incredulous.

"You mean that sweet little guy who kept asking you why you didn't know where the brown house was where he lived? Or about the yellow and orange park?" Carolyn asked, having picked up the extension.

"That's him. But he's very different this time around. Much more reserved and quiet. I picked him up from the hospital. He's got a spiral fracture of his arm, and scars like I've never seen. God, I should have never let him go back to that house. I knew something wasn't right. Nobody just loses complete track of their six-year-old for an entire day."

"Emily, there wasn't much you could do about it," Dave offered, matter-of-factly. "Your job is to work within the guidelines you're given. If the social worker says he's got to go back home, then you had to let him go. Concentrate on right now. How you can help him. What he needs from you."

"And if you need anything, let us know. You're both in our prayers," Carolyn reassured.

"If you want to bring him by…" Dave interjected. "I still have the recipe for the spaghetti he enjoyed so much when he had dinner here."

"Thanks, I'll remember that," Emily said, smiling. She hung up with them and then quietly made her way downstairs to check on Aaron. He was wide awake in bed, and she suspected he hadn't moved since a half-hour earlier.

Her heart broke for him, but she vowed to do all she could to make life better while he was with her.


	3. Viperfish

The first time Aaron visited the police officer and his wife, he was nervous. He had dinner over there before, but it was different then. When he was still six, he believed a lot about police that wasn't really true. Like, they protect people and kids. Now, he knew so much better. He was having hard times at home for a long time and no police came to help. They cared. They helped. Just not kids like him. That's why he didn't really want to go to the Rossis.

Emily thought it was a good idea and was trying to teach him stuff about being in a family and family dinner, but Aaron didn't get what the big deal was. He was just trying to be good and not cause problems as much as he could. But it wasn't easy because sometimes the problems were like opposites.

Like, he tripped and fell on the way inside the house. It didn't hurt but there was a lot of blood so he stayed outside and tried to fix it by himself. Since he only had one good hand, and his jeans weren't doing any good at catching the blood, he rolled them up and tried wiping it off in the grass.

"Hey, Aaron. What happened? Let me see," Emily was back really fast. She always made sure he came everywhere with her. It was a little bit annoying and a little bit nice.

He shrugged. "It's okay."

When she bent to pick him up, Aaron went stiff. He wasn't expecting that. "I'm sorry," he whispered. It felt like he was choking on the words. His heart was beating very fast inside him.

"Honey, it's all right…" Emily said, keeping her voice soft. "We're just going inside to get your knee fixed up, okay?"

"Don't tell on me…" he begged, his voice a tiny whisper. "Don't tell that policeman I got my blood on his grass…"

* * *

><p>Emily pressed her lips together. It was important to take Aaron's fear seriously. So, she bypassed Dave, who was in the kitchen, stirring a large pot of sauce, and found Carolyn instead. "Aaron, this is Carolyn. She's a teacher, like your teacher at school? She's just going to help us find a wet washcloth and a band-aid, okay?"<p>

Aaron made no sign that he even heard her, just remained stiff in her arms.

Emily braced herself for a fight when she situated Aaron on the sink in the bathroom and prepared to bandage his knee, but he didn't flinch. He didn't cry out, even when she cleaned the scrape with warm water and put antiseptic on it.

"Is this another Mom thing?" he asked, clearly skeptical.

"You got it. Listen, I don't want you to worry about Dave, okay? I wouldn't ever bring you to a place that wasn't safe. He's a good guy, I promise."

Aaron narrowed his eyes at her. "He's a in-between guy…" he said, looking as if he disapproved.

"What's an in-between guy?" Emily wondered and Aaron looked surprised. She doubted he was ever asked for his opinion.

"It means, like, someone who's kind of a good guy and kind of a do-nothing guy. Sometimes he helps but sometimes not," Aaron confided. "And if I make him mad he might use his gun on me."

"Do you remember what I said?" Emily asked seriously, but gently. "This is a safe place and Dave is a good guy."

"Then how come he never came to help me?" Aaron asked bitterly, his brown eyes deep and searching, and far too adult for his seven years.

* * *

><p>"Dave. You might want to steer clear of Aaron tonight…" Emily advised. "He's got some misconceptions about your profession."<p>

"Here. Taste," he offered, holding out his wooden spoon for her to sample his secret sauce. "And that's no problem. "You and Carolyn take the lead. I'll just provide the food and keep a low profile. Anything he needs," Dave promised.

So, at dinner, Dave simply observed. He spoke to Carolyn and Emily but left Aaron alone. He was a tiny kid, with a flop of dark hair and hostile eyes. He wore clothes Dave had previously seen on Emily's four-year-old kids. This one really needed to eat, but he resisted the urge to tell him so, or encourage him to eat. That was Emily's job. The cast on Aaron's left arm impeded his progress. He ate slowly and awkwardly, and had obviously completely forgotten the lesson Dave had given him last year on the art of twirling pasta. But, again, Dave kept his mouth shut.

He studied Aaron's cast, which was decorated not with signatures, but with a breathtaking underwater scene. He imagined Emily attacking it with her pastels and chalks, pencils and markers. Multicolored fish swam in a vast expanse of blue.

Dave elbowed his wife. "His cast," he murmured, so the boy wouldn't overhear and be frightened.

"That's a nice picture you've got on your cast," Carolyn complimented.

Aaron flushed. "Yeah. Emily did it. Thank you," he said, seeming unsure of where to look.

"But Aaron decided on the theme all by himself. He likes the ocean," Emily said smiling. She was pleased that he was opening up about himself.

"Have you ever been to the ocean?" Carolyn questioned. "Dave and I have a lovely beach house in North Carolina. Maybe you and Emily can come with us sometime. Take a vacation."

"Yes, ma'am, I've seen the ocean. My parents have a beach house. We stay there every summer. It's very nice."

His conversational tone had evaporated, Dave noticed. Now, he sounded wooden and unemotional as he spoke. Dave cast a meaningful look at his wife and imperceptibly shook his head.

"What's your favorite fish on your cast?" Carolyn asked, wisely changing the direction of the conversation.

"This one," he said, setting his fork down and pointing to a particularly fearsome and repulsive looking creature. Aaron stroked the fish tenderly. "Called a Viperfish. Because he's ugly on the outside, but he has a light on the inside," he said matter-of-factly, taking a messy bite of spaghetti.

* * *

><p>Aaron's favorite time of day was at school. He was in second grade and they were learning a lot of things about science and language and reading. He liked school best because he got to eat every day, and because it went the same. There were rules and they didn't change, ever.<p>

No violence was his favorite rule. That meant no hitting or put-downs or punching or kicking or anything that hurt another person. Teachers did a good job at protecting kids at school. That's why he liked to be there. Aaron did very good in school, but not very good at homework, because he felt nervous at Emily's.

Sometimes, his teacher gave them papers to bring home that he needed his parent to sign. It made Aaron feel tight inside his body because thinking about his real mom and dad always did that. Did it mean he would get in trouble if he didn't have his real parents sign it? He didn't want to ask. But he didn't want Emily checking his backpack every day either.

She found the fieldtrip form for the science museum no problem. She was like a detective, even when he hid it really good in the bottom of his bag.

"Ooh. A field trip. This looks like fun!" Emily said. "You're going to love the Science Museum. They've got a great movie about marine life going right now." He watched her read the paper fast and then take the top off the pen.

"No!" he interrupted, louder than he meant to. He tried to grab the paper from her, but got scared and stopped himself. Adults didn't like being told no, and they didn't like it when kids grabbed stuff away from them.

"Why not? Don't you want to go?" Emily asked, looking confused.

"You can't," he explained.

"I _can't_…" she repeated the way she did whenever she didn't understand what he was saying.

She raised her hand and he flinched, before he realized that she was just putting her hair behind her ears the way his real mom did sometimes. He took a couple steps back anyway, just to be safe.

"It's okay… Listen… Tell me why and we'll figure it out together, okay? It's okay. I'm not mad, I promise."

Aaron didn't believe her, and wasn't planning to. But then she smiled and it changed her whole face. It wasn't a fake smile to trick people into thinking she was nice, but a real one.

"It doesn't say foster mom…" he said, his voice scratchy from being afraid. "It doesn't say _foster mom _to sign your name. It only says _parent_, and I don't want to get in trouble." Aaron was sweating. Under his cast itched, but he couldn't reach his fingers in to scratch it.

Emily smiled again and scooted her chair closer to him. He made himself stand still. "See this word?" she said, pointing to the word next to "parent" that he couldn't read.

Aaron nodded a little.

"This word is _guardian_," she said, saying the word like she was tasting it. "Do you know what guardian means?"

Aaron shook his head and bit his lip. He hated being stupid more than anything in the world.

"What do you think it means to _guard_ something?" Emily asked. She wasn't mad at all that he didn't know the right definition. She didn't care that they hadn't studied that word in vocabulary yet.

"Um…like…to guard it?" Aaron guessed. He knew what it meant, but couldn't find the right words. "Like…a dragon guards the castle in Shrek."

"Right! _Why_ is the dragon guarding the castle? What would happen if she didn't guard it?" Emily quizzed.

Aaron liked this game, especially if he couldn't get wrong answers. "She's keeping bad guys out."

"She's _protecting _it, isn't she?" Emily asked. "To guard means to _protect_ something or someone. Guardian means protector. And remember, I'm protecting you. I'm keeping you safe as best I can, aren't I?"

Aaron nodded, thinking about it.

"So…you're my guardian…and I won't be in trouble at school if you sign this? You promise?" Aaron asked. He still wasn't sure about this.

"Cross my heart," she said, doing a thing he'd never seen. But then she said I promise and that helped.

That night, in bed, Emily tucked him in like she had every night since he got here. The bed was still too comfortable and made him feel strange inside. But Emily tried to make it nice for him. He didn't understand why. Tonight, she was reading him another Dr. Seuss book. It was called The Sleep Book and it was not as good as Oh, the Places You'll Go, but he let her read it anyway. While she did, he stared at his cast. He remembered the spaghetti dinner and telling about his favorite fish.

"Know why Viperfish is my favorite fish?" he asked, not even minding that he interrupted the book. He touched the fish on the cast again. He liked to remember Emily drawing it with special markers. All the kids at school wanted casts now, because they wanted Emily to do her art on them.

"No. Tell me," Emily encouraged.

"Because I'm a Viperfish. Bad to make everybody stay away."

Emily closed the book. "Well, I happen to love Viperfish. They're my favorite thing in the entire world." She stopped for a second until Aaron was watching her out of the corner of his eye. "I like their sharp teeth because it means they're strong. But my favorite thing about Viperfish is the light they have inside."

"I think my light burned out…" Aaron said softly. Sadly. "Besides, it's no good anyway. Viperfish only use it to trick enemies into coming close to bite them."

"Your light hasn't burned out. I still see it." Emily said. Her eyes looked sad but strong, too.

Like she wasn't lying.


	4. Fences

The following morning, Emily rose early. She brewed herself a cup of her favorite Italian coffee and sat down in front of the computer to do some work before Aaron woke up. She learned quickly that, no matter the day, Aaron rose as reliably as the sun at 7 AM. She scanned her business website, pleased to see that some of her prints had sold. Emily hoped, though, not to discover them all piled in Dave's workshop, as she had early in her art career. He claimed to need all of it. How else was he supposed to accumulate the "complete works of Emily Prentiss?"

Smiling to herself, Emily shut down the laptop and put it back in its case. Then she brought the case to her bedroom and slid it under her bed, out of habit. She didn't feel the need to lock her room, with Aaron, as with some other kids. But Aaron struck her as the type of child who didn't need a ton of screen time. He needed human interaction. She checked the clock on the wall. Still forty-five minutes until Aaron woke up. So, Emily took her coffee to the studio and sat down to work on her new series of paintings, inspired by Aaron. Since she could not, by law, paint the likenesses of the children who came into her care, because of privacy laws, Emily found herself coming up with other ways to honor them.

Now, for example, she was doing her best to recreate the repulsive shape of the Viperfish Aaron was so fond of. The light inside it was going to be tricky, but that was the most important part. She had to get it right. If so, her seascape series might just be her best yet.

* * *

><p>Aaron dreamed of fences.<p>

They were all around him. Digging into him. Trapping him into only one position. He hated being forced to hold still, because he never knew when he would be allowed to move again. He looked around, and all he saw were more and more fences, keeping him in. Inside the fences there were boxes and containers and a kennel. It was like those things were teasing him. Because as bad as they were, it was better to be shut in, than to have a cage wrapped around you so you couldn't move an inch.

He woke up breathing hard, checking himself to be sure there was nothing on him. His green plaid blanket was kicked to the end of the bed with his sheets. Carefully, Aaron got out of bed and moved around. His left arm hurt, and his body still felt stiff, like it did when he had to stand up for a long time because his parents said so.

Quietly, he went to the window and looked out, though the blinds. His room faced the backyard. All around the yard, was a fence. Seeing it felt like someone punching him in the stomach. He couldn't catch his breath. How could he have missed it? There was no way out. Aaron closed his eyes, wishing he could just get back in bed, and not wake up. He couldn't deal with fences today. Or breakfast. Or being good.

He could only do what he was best at. So, he made a spot in his closet and folded himself inside, pulling the door closed. If Emily wanted him, she would have to come find him. But Aaron wasn't holding his breath for that to happen. If she had the same stuff as his parents, then it was only a matter of time before she did what they did.

"Aaron," he heard her calling, but didn't say a word. He didn't move. The door to the bedroom opened and he held his breath. His heart was beating too loud, and he was sure Emily would hear it and be upset at him. Even then, he made himself hold as still as a statue.

When she opened the closet door, he stared at her, unmoving.

"Hey…what are you doing in here? Come down for breakfast, okay? Do you like French toast? That's what I'm making today. It's really good," she said, smiling.

Aaron tried not to care. She had a fence, he reminded himself, staring right through her, like she was just imaginary. Imaginary people couldn't hurt because they weren't real.

But then she reached out and took his hand. She led him out of the closet and what could he do? He had to go along.

Upstairs, he sat at the table, bringing his knees up to under his chin and wrapping his arms around them. He couldn't hear anything Emily was saying. Only this loud sound, like a train in his ears. That's what his stress sounded like.

"Aaron, can you put your feet on the floor, please?" Emily asked, and he eyed her, not believing that nice face for a second. He stayed right how he was and waited.

* * *

><p>Emily took a breath and tried to think. Something had obviously happened between last night and this morning to change Aaron so drastically. A nightmare seemed the most likely, but she wasn't sure if he was ready to talk about it yet. She didn't want to make things worse for him, so instead she would do her best to keep things going smoothly for him. He thrived on a schedule. Without one, he would be even more out of sorts.<p>

"Aaron," she repeated, adding a touch of firmness to let him know she was serious. "Feet on the floor, please," she repeated.

Slowly, he unfolded his tiny body. Even seated normally, his feet still hung a few inches above the floor. He was so malnourished that breakfast could not be optional.

"I need you to sit up to the table with me and eat," she said, gentling her tone a little. She took a bite and waited for him to imitate her. He sat completely still, staring through her in a way that chilled her.

* * *

><p>Aaron was starting to hate Emily a little bit. For one, because she was tricking him with all that food that he couldn't really have. For two, because right out the window of the deck was the backyard and the fence. If she ever made him go out there, she would be sorry. He would fight. He would hurt her and then he would run so fast and so far away she would never be able to find him.<p>

He thought about the therapist he had to talk to sometimes and that made him mad, too. Normal kids didn't have therapists. Normal kids didn't live like he used to live. Aaron was learning that now, and it made him feel like an outsider kid.

Emily was still talking to him, and he was still ignoring her, staring at the fence outside. But he snapped out of it when she leaned toward him with something on a fork. He closed his eyes and shuddered. He started to slide out of the chair, because under-the-table was a good hiding place, but she stopped him, pulling him gently onto her lap and kissing his head. He moved it away. He sat stiff, waiting for something to happen.

* * *

><p>"Look at my eyes," Emily said softly, her lap full of an impossibly light child. "You are safe here. I need you to eat breakfast, okay, because it's important that you get enough to eat."<p>

Aaron's eyes were full of wariness and terror as he watched her. He didn't make a move for the silverware, so Emily picked up the spoon, doing her best to keep her movements natural and her own body relaxed. Kids were great readers of tension. It wouldn't take much to set Aaron off. The thought of a pointed object in her own face, presented by a virtual stranger would have freaked her out, too.

This time, he didn't pull away. She was able to coax food into him. Though it wasn't usual, Emily stayed at his side the rest of the morning, making sure he brushed his teeth and got dressed. She tried to engage him in playing with some Legos but he sat apart and wouldn't touch them. His gaze kept wandering to the window.

"What do you see out there?" she asked finally. She kept him close to her side and tried to focus on what had his attention.

"Nothing," he said, hunching his shoulders. He picked up a small blue Lego and held it loosely as if he was unsure of what to do with it.

Emily changed her approach. "Okay. Where do you want to put this blue Lego?"

"In the garbage," Aaron said darkly.

"Really?" Emily asked, as if mildly interested. "Why, the garbage?"

"Whatever. _You_ play with it," Aaron countered irritably, tossing the block back into the pile. "Playing's stupid, anyway. Only _babies_ play." Angrily, he gathered up all the blocks and put them back. He pounded the lid in place with his fist.

She watched him start to curl up again and drew him closer to her. "Hey. It's okay. You can relax," she said gently. Because he was starting to seem skittish, Emily tried a distraction. "Hey, do you want to see what I'm working on in the studio?" she asked, extending her hand to him.

He walked alongside her, but didn't touch her.

* * *

><p>The studio was one place Aaron felt like he could breathe. He wasn't good at being creative, but it was just good to look. It was good to be able to pretend he was somewhere else and not focus on all his hard times. His eyes got big as he walked inside the room where Emily kept all her art stuff. He was just in here the first day, and she had all new stuff. A big underwater painting with a giant Viperfish, half-done. He didn't have a light.<p>

"He's just like me," Aaron breathed. He made a fist so he remembered not to touch the canvas. That was a lesson Emily taught him the first day, too. Don't touch it until it's dry, and it's only dry for sure when it's in a frame.

"Would you like to paint?" Emily asked, offering him a brush and a paint shirt.

Aaron wrinkled his nose. He held up his left arm in the cast. "No thanks. I'm a lefty, so I won't be very good…"

"Well, would you like to help me with a new painting then?" Emily asked. Then, she brought out a brand new white canvas. "You can be my consultant. What do you think that means?" she asked smiling.

Aaron smiled a little, too. He liked the vocabulary game they did last night.

"Somebody important?" he guessed, raising his eyebrows.

"Definitely," Emily said. "It means, I only paint what you say. You're the guide. The expert."

"I don't know about art, though…" he hedged, biting his lip. "I don't think I'd be a good consultant…"

* * *

><p>"Well…you seem to be an expert on Mr. Viperfish. So, what about this guy?" Emily asked, moving the blank canvas aside and standing in front of her earlier painting. The unfinished nature of it alone made her crazy. She suspected Aaron might be of a similar mind - and might have an easier time finishing something that was already started, instead of starting from scratch.<p>

Emily hadn't missed the transformation from sullen little boy into one who was engaged and happier. The change of scenery had done him some good. If the sight of Aaron's Viperfish could do that, Emily would be happy to hang out in here with him most of the day.

"Put some other fish far away from him. Nice fish," he advised tentatively. When Emily had painted several, Aaron picked out three. "That one's you," he said, pointing to the benign looking goldfish. "Because you're looking at me, but you can't see me…because I don't have my light on."

"Hmm," Emily hummed, a little afraid to say anything else and disrupt Aaron's sudden burst of creativity. Her phone vibrated on her hip and Emily picked it up.

"Em?" Dave's voice asked. "Please tell me you have lady fingers. I've been waiting all week to make this tiramisu and I'm all out of damn fingers," he said, laughing good-naturedly.

"I think so. Let me just check and then Aaron and I'll be right over with them," Emily replied, feeling her mood lift. If anything could get her past discouragement fast, it was Dave's tiramisu.

"Thanks, kid. I knew I could count on you," Dave said, and hung up.

"Hey, Aaron. Come here with me for a second," Emily encouraged. As mature as he might have been, no caseworker in the world would approve of her leaving a child of seven around so much fumes and potentially poisonous material.

"I can't watch my Viperfish?" he asked, dismayed.

"You can in a little bit, but first we need to help a neighbor. It'll be quick," Emily said, refraining from adding that she promised. On the chance that Dave or Carolyn invited them inside to talk or have coffee or hot cocoa.

Emily made quick work of retrieving the cookies and handed the package to Aaron to hold. "We're going to drop these off at Carolyn's house," she said. "So get your coat and boots."

Aaron grimaced at the label, sounding it out. "'Lady. Fingers.' Ew! Why do they want ladies' fingers? Are they witches?"

Emily was relieved to see that Aaron seemed only slightly disgusted and seemed to understand that it was food, not actual human fingers. "It's a special Italian cookie you use to make desserts," she said, and together they walked outside, Aaron cradling the cookies.

When Emily turned to lock the front door behind them, though, Aaron froze.

* * *

><p>Looking at the snow, Aaron got all dizzy. He could see the fence on the side of the house. Emily took his hand and tried to lead him away from it, but he couldn't move.<p>

"Come on, Aaron. This way," she said, like it was normal to take a kid outside and….he couldn't think about it, but she wasn't letting him stand still either. "Look where you're going," she encouraged him. "Hold onto the cookies."

When he was thinking about all that, she asked him what was bothering him. It was easier to talk when he was walking.

"Fences," he breathed, his air making a white puff in front of him.

"The fence around the backyard?" Emily guessed.

"Yes, ma'am," he answered so she would know he was being serious and respectful, both.

"What about the fence is bothering you?" she wondered, still holding his hand.

"That it goes all the way around," he said, his voice low. He felt like he might be sick.

Emily was quiet then. Maybe she was just thinking or maybe she was mad that he brought it up.

Aaron held the cookies tighter, feeling them break inside the package.

* * *

><p>"My fence has a gate," Emily offered, hoping this would set Aaron at ease. "It opens and shuts from both sides. It's not to keep kids in, but to keep other people out. Remember what I said about being safe?"<p>

"That doesn't make sense," Aaron said, and shook his head. "That's not what fences do."

By now, they had stopped in front of Dave and Carolyn's front door, but Emily felt sure this conversation was important. She felt certain that if she dropped it now, there would be little hope of it ever coming up in conversation again.

"What do they do?" she asked softly, getting down to Aaron's level and looking him in the eyes.

"Nothing," he said, his voice hoarse and his face void of any emotion. "They just do whatever you say…"


	5. Sergio

**The OCs Nathaniel, Cary and Matthew Barrett-Mackey belong to me. The CBS-owned-characters belong to CBS.**

****Update: The Barrett-Mackey family storyline was changed prior to the writing of chapter 13 because of the unlikelihood of anyone from the States adopting a child after the Japan earthquake.****

When Emily found the cat, Aaron was nervous. It was little and had black fur, like the cats that mean bad luck. But Emily didn't care, she brought the cat inside when it was raining out, and dried it off with a towel and held it close for body heat. She didn't want Aaron to touch it until she was sure it didn't have diseases. Emily brought Aaron with her when she took the cat to the vet. A vet is like a doctor for animals, that's what Emily said.

The cat was checked by the animal doctor, just like Aaron was checked by the human doctor. It wasn't a good day to be him, then, and he felt bad for the cat. Not too bad, though, because it still made Aaron feel all fluttery inside.

They took it home and Emily gave it a name. It was one Aaron had never heard of in his whole life.

"Let's call him Sergio," she said and started calling him that right away.

Aaron didn't call him anything. Even though it had been almost two weeks, he didn't want to get too comfortable here, just in case something changed. When he was at school, he could relax, but when he was at Emly's he felt like he had to be careful, still. So he was very polite. He tried to ignore the fence even though it had a gate. Aaron knew gates didn't make any difference. Bad things still happened, even with gates.

When he saw the cat food, Aaron's stomach flipped over. He thought it would be different here. Emily said it would be different here. It was his fault for being stupid and believing her. That night, he said he wasn't hungry and asked to please be excused.

"Don't you feel well?" Emily asked. She didn't touch his forehead, but she looked like she really wanted to.

"Not really," he said, keeping his voice quiet. He saw Sergio in the corner of the kitchen, eating dinner, too. That made Aaron's sick feeling even worse.

"Do you feel sick or just tired?"

"Both," he said biting his lip. It was true. He was sick and tired of being lied to all the time. He wasn't a baby. He could take the truth. But he didn't understand why he had to be so good all the time, if everybody else got to be so bad and nobody got in trouble.

On his way to his bedroom, Aaron passed the laundry room. He looked over his shoulder and then moved as quick as he could. When he stole, it always felt wrong, but he couldn't help it. When it was a choice between stealing or dying, Aaron always chose stealing. It made him weak. He knew that. But try being hungry for a while and see how long you last. He hadn't lasted long at all. He had given in. He still had the taste in his mouth. It was all wrong and wouldn't go away. Still, he was going to make himself wait until later to do anything.

* * *

><p>Emily was on her way to following up with Aaron when her phone rang and she stopped short to pick it up. If it was Aaron's caseworker, or his biological parents, Emily wanted to keep a safe distance from him. It didn't take long for her to realize that he was extremely sensitive to subtle changes, and it was a good bet that tonight's sickness was a result of the changing dynamics in their house. Even the addition of a pet could be stressful, and Emily knew that. Still, she couldn't just leave Sergio shivering in the cold all night. He needed a home, and it would be good for Aaron to be a part of caring for something else the way he was being cared for.<p>

"Hello?" she asked, stopping short and busying herself with kitchen chores. She hated them with a passion, but they had to be done.

"Hey, Emily?" a vaguely familiar voice asked.

"This is Emily. Who is this?" she asked, unwilling to give her last name until she was damn sure of whom she was speaking to.

"This is Nathaniel Barrett-Mackey, from the fostering and adoption support group. Cary's here, too," he added.

"Hey, Em!" another voice called fondly. "We've got a question for you. I know you're fostering, not adopting, but since you've been at this the longest, we figured you might be our best bet for dealing with trauma."

A picture of the two young men came to mind instantly. Nathaniel was slim and handsome with a mixed complexion that suggested he was a melting pot of ethnicities. African-American, Caucasian and possibly Latino. He had handsome dark eyes and a smile that lit up his entire face. Cary was the flip-side of Nathaniel in nearly every way - where Nathaniel seemed organic and natural, Cary was flashy and loved being noticed. He hid what Emily suspected were Scandinavian or Norwegian roots with dark eyeliner and black hair dye. He was a writer, and Nathaniel, an artist, both embarking on the task of getting their first children's book about adoption published in addition to Cary's job as a caterer and Nathaniel's as a landscaper. Both men were in their mid to late twenties and if memory served, had just adopted an eight-year-old little boy from foster care in Vermont. While Nate and Cary had visited Matthew several times, he had only just moved in with them, and the adjustment was apparently proving difficult.

"I'll do my best," she promised.

"So…" Nathaniel hedged, less confident, and somehow the first to bring up the issue. "Matthew's terrified of our bathroom…and he kind of needs a bath…"

Emily smiled. This, she could handle. "It might be a couple things. The water could be reminding him of something. It could be the sound…or it might just be that he's overwhelmed. To start out, try running a little water in the sink. Put some toys in there, and encourage him to play. That'll get him used to touching the water. If you want, you could try a wet washcloth, soap and water. Just work up to it slowly. And remember, if you guys are comfortable, it'll help reassure him."

"Thanks, Emily. Hey, how's Aaron?" Cary wanted to know.

"Well, we got a cat, so I think it's taking him a while to get used to the change," Emily contemplated, biting her lip. She found herself smiling in spite of it, though. The fact that Nate and Cary remembered her kids' names without fail was one of the things she loved about them.

"Ooh. We'll let you go, then," Cary said, sympathy in his voice. "But if you need anything, call us. We can't be over in ten like we used to, but we're always available by phone. Or E-mail. Or Skype."

"Okay, I think she's got it..." Nathaniel laughed. "Talk to you later, Emily."

"Thanks, guys," she said, and hung up, glancing at her watch. Five minutes and not a peep from downstairs. With a biological child, this might be considered a relief, but with kids in foster care, it was best to keep tabs on them, especially if they were new.

She left Sergio upstairs, and made her way down, past the framed pictures of herself and so many of the kids she had taken care of. Henry and Jack's baby faces stared at her and Emily touched the frame tenderly.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, Emily approached Aaron's closed door and immediately was on alert. Aaron's door was always as she left it - ajar. This kid was not a rule breaker in the slightest. So, Emily eased it open, bracing herself for whatever she would find on the other side.

* * *

><p>Aaron was way underneath his bed. He was trying to go away inside his head so he wouldn't have to think. It was easier than being hungry. When the door opened, he didn't move. He must not have hidden as good as he thought, though, because Emily knew just where he was.<p>

Just like earlier, she came under the bed, too. Usually he didn't care, but this time he did. This time, she was a liar and he hated liars. He promised himself he wouldn't talk to her no matter what unless she told the truth. He told himself to be strong. That it didn't matter - whatever she did to him.

"What's up?" she asked, like it was normal, which he guessed, it was.

He didn't say a single word. Just stared at the wall. He could do this all day.

"Why do you smell like cat food?" she asked, and he could imagine her wrinkling her nose at the bad smell. "Come out of here, okay? I want to see you when I talk to you."

Aaron took a big deep breath and got ready. He crawled out after her and stood up. When she moved suddenly, all his promises went out the window. He flinched, and told what he did, knowing whatever she did didn't really matter. His real mom and dad treated him however they wanted. He wasn't even Emily's real kid, so she could for sure do whatever she wanted to him.

"I'm sorry! I'll put it back!" he said, feeling scared.

"Put what back?" she asked, looking into his eyes.

* * *

><p>Emily watched, her heart sinking, as Aaron removed handfuls of Sergio's food from his pockets, and put it into Emily's own cupped hands.<p>

"Aaron," she said, confused. "Why do you have this?" But he was looking through her again - it was a look Emily was getting unfortunately used to. "Honey…" she said, setting the food aside in a neat pile on the carpeting so she could have her hands free.

Before she could say anything else, though, Aaron was on his hands and knees, leaning close to the small mound of cat food. Emily winced, as the pieces of Aaron's strange behavior that evening suddenly came together. She made quick work of scooping up the food and putting it back where it belonged. Then, she went back to Aaron, a lump in her own throat.

Emily knew she would have no chance reasoning with a hungry child, so she lifted him into her arms and carried him upstairs, she set him in a kitchen chair and got him the plate she'd kept in the refrigerator. Sergio twined himself around her legs and Emily felt terrible. What terrible things must have happened to this boy - to her seven-year-old - that he would think she expected him to eat food meant for the cat?

He made no move for the plate, still disconcertingly blank in the face. Emily wished she hadn't let go of Cary and Nathaniel so abruptly. She wished they hadn't recently moved back to Vermont. She wished Dave and Carolyn weren't at their cabin for the weekend.

She took a deep breath. Aaron didn't need any of those other people. Aaron needed _her_. So Emily steadfastly poked bites of food into her skinny little boy until his plate was clean and he seemed more present. Then, she took his hand, and walked him out to the living room.

"Why did you have Sergio's food?" she asked, as though merely curious.

Aaron's eyes grew dark. "I know it's for me. You don't have to lie."

"Why do you think that?" she asked carefully.

"Because… It's there." He paused, turning suspicious brown eyes on her. "Why else would you have it?"

Emily spoke deliberately. "Because we have a cat. Cat food is for cats. Human food is for humans and you're a human. Why do you think I have it?"

"It's cheaper than real food, right? And it's not like I'm your real kid," he scoffed. "My real mom and dad…" he trailed off.

"Biological," Emily corrected out of habit. She paused and then spoke again, slowly. "Your biological parents fed you pet food because it was cheaper…so you're expecting me to do the same."

Aaron shrugged.

"Well, it's not that way here. If you're hungry, you can take a piece of fruit anytime. Or a snack from the bottom drawer of the refrigerator. Anytime, okay? We'll work on it," she promised, gently pulling him to her. "I'm never going to make you eat anything other than human food that you're comfortable eating."

"Ramen?" Aaron asked, his voice hoarse.

"If it's not something you're comfortable eating, I won't force you," Emily reassured.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and Emily glanced at the screen. Her social worker. "Hello? This is Emily Prentiss."

"Emily? We've got a child that just came into care…"

**Please leave a comment and let me know what you think of the story. You don't even have to be logged in. Who do you think the next child at Emily's will be?**


	6. JJ

JJ couldn't believe it. She told herself, maybe, she never woke up that morning. Maybe she was still asleep and that's why some strange blonde lady named Ashley Seaver came to get her after the police picked her up for shoplifting a pair of earrings. She hadn't gone to school in so long, she forgot when the last day was. Actually, though, that wasn't true. She remembered exactly the last day. Because it was the first day of the school year. So, it's been four-and-a-half months, so what? Was there some law that said she had to be in school? Or at home by a certain time? If there was, there shouldn't be.

Well, there obviously is, or else that Ashley person wouldn't have come and arrested her practically. She tried telling Ashley that she can take care of herself just fine. She tried to say she's been doing it ever since Janet decided to take herself away from her and their parents and everyone in their family. Janet's bedroom was right on the way to JJ's room. Her door was still wide open because no one was allowed to touch it. The belt was still hanging from the rod in her closet. It made JJ hate belts, strings, and anything that could be pulled tight. She couldn't even think about wearing necklaces if she wanted to. Or a tie, like some of the cool girls in high school did sometimes.

When JJ tried to shut the door so she wouldn't have to see the stupid belt anymore, her mom freaked out and smacked her. Not like abuse or anything, just from the stress. She wouldn't have done it if she weren't all sad about Janet. JJ knew that and she was eleven, so she would think somebody really old like Ashley would get that being on your own wasn't awful. Not when being at home was worse. Besides, it wasn't as if JJ was being treated wrong. It wasn't like she really needed her parents to still kiss her goodnight, wash her clothes, cook her meals, or check her homework. All her life, they had been teaching her to be self-sufficient. At first, JJ thought it was just in case she decided to go away to college, but then Janet went and did what she did. And now JJ couldn't help thinking that her mom and dad were preparing her for this all along.

Parents knew everything. So, shouldn't they have known something was wrong? But JJ knew they didn't. She knew she didn't. When her mom left after the funeral and didn't come back, JJ didn't cry. She couldn't. She just took off at the end of it and lost herself at the park.

She could be doing lots of really bad illegal stuff, on her own all the time. JJ could be smoking every day like Janet's boyfriend. She could be living at the cemetery, practically, like JJ's dad. Being all freaky and making sure Janet's grave was being respected and the grass wasn't too long and no one was stealing any of the stuff people left there. JJ didn't care if she never saw Janet again. Or her stupid grave either.

The only wrong thing JJ did was to get caught with the earrings. She tried to talk her way out of it, but it turns out they were super expensive. It wasn't like she needed them. She just wanted to see if she could do it without getting caught. Obviously, she failed at that. Big time. But she couldn't hang out at home all the time, and she couldn't go to school and face all new kids there without Janet across the street at the high school. Shopping made her feel normal. Stealing made her feel excited. It was like a challenge. Like, proof that she wasn't invisible. That people could still see her, even though her parents couldn't. Even though Janet was gone. Shoplifting was the only thing that kept JJ together and when she got taken in by the store manager and then the cops came when she tried to con her way out… Well, it was all downhill from there. Her parents never came to get her and JJ had to meet the stupid blonde lady and got dropped off at another house. Not her own. That house didn't last long. When she punched a kid, something broke inside her. That kid called her Jennifer. Everybody there did. She asked them not to but they didn't listen. They didn't understand that every time they said that name, JJ would turn, expecting to find her big sister behind her. To never, ever see her was like having somebody punch her. So she punched back.

Now JJ was at a second house, where everybody had dark hair - even the cat - and she didn't match. If anybody called her Jennifer here, she would kick their ass. Or Jenny. Or Jen or anything like that. JJ refused to be that person anymore. If Janet got to stop being then JJ wanted to stop being herself, too. She wanted to stop being Jennifer.

It hurt too much.

* * *

><p>JJ was a small girl - but petite - where Aaron was malnourished. She had long, blonde hair and the marks of neglect were not obvious, save that she had not been to school in who knew how long. The proof of neglect was in the subtler things. That JJ wore tennis shoes, not boots in three inches of snow. No jacket. When asked where her boots and coat were, she hadn't responded like Aaron, who simply didn't have them. Instead, JJ said that she hadn't realized it would be that cold outside when she left this morning. She had barely spoken a word outside of that, except to insist that no one call her anything but JJ. When Emily acquiesced, JJ looked surprised. Emily suspected she was trying to put on a brave face but instead was only sending out the impression that she was shocked and very unsure.<p>

The records Emily had on JJ gave her only a partial picture. She was enrolled in the sixth grade at the local middle school, but had only attended the first day, in September. After that, her attendance fell off. Her mother left the family and the father started drinking. Emily was sure that something major must have happened to derail this family so suddenly, but JJ was tight-lipped about that, as Aaron was about his own past. Then of course, there was the matter that had brought JJ into the system. At eleven years old, JJ had walked into a local mall, shoplifted an expensive pair of earrings and subsequently tried to deceive the mall security into thinking it had all been a mistake. When she refused to relinquish the item, the police had been called. Emily made a note to start locking her bedroom door.

Strangely, Aaron seemed to have no trouble adjusting to this new person in the house - certainly not nearly as much trouble as he'd had adjusting to Sergio. Could that have really only been a few hours ago? It didn't seem possible. Emily thought of calling Dave and Carolyn and alerting them to her newcomer, but it was getting late - Aaron's bedtime had come and gone, and Emily still needed to get JJ settled.

"Come on, Aaron. Time for bed," Emily sighed, calling him to her. Aaron got up from his place on the couch. On his way past JJ, she watched him stop and whisper something in her ear.

She listened, but made no response.

Later, while tucking Aaron in, Emily asked him about it. "What did you say to JJ upstairs?" she asked.

Aaron bit his lip. "I just said that…it was nice to meet her…"

"Well, that was very nice of you. I'll tell you what. You can read for ten minutes, okay and after ten minutes I'm going to come down and it'll be lights out. I need to go upstairs and get JJ settled in, all right? Good night, kiddo. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night, Emily," Aaron said, snuggling under the covers with his favorite Dr. Seuss book.

* * *

><p>While Emily was downstairs putting the little boy to bed, JJ decided to see what kind of stuff there was in this house. She walked around really quietly and looked into all the open doorways until she found one that looked like her mom's side of the bedroom looked. Neat. With lady stuff. JJ scoped out the laptop and the jewelry, but she knew she wouldn't get away with taking either of those things without being noticed. So, instead, she went to the kitchen. Emily's purse - a giant brown leather thing that could probably hold millions of dollars - was hung on the back of a chair. She looked inside but barely found any cash at all. Only twenty-five dollars.<p>

Was this lady poor? If so, how come she was taking kids into her house? Did she expect them to do all the work? JJ had a good work-ethic, at one time, but now she didn't care anymore. And she definitely didn't care about making money for some person she didn't even know who pretty much took JJ away for no reason. She could take care of herself. Why was she the only one who knew that?

Quietly, JJ slipped the credit card out of Emily's wallet and slid it into the pocket of her jeans. If Emily tried to take it off her, JJ could definitely claim some kind of technicality - like soccer - where it was illegal to touch the ball with your hands. In JJ's old house, it was illegal to touch anybody else, unless they gave you personal permission.

* * *

><p>Emily found JJ in the kitchen, guilt not quite hidden behind the beginnings of an admirable poker face. Emily noticed Aaron's jacket. It had been under her purse. Both items slung on the back of a kitchen chair. Now, the jacket was now over the purse, as if to hide what was likely missing.<p>

Calmly, Emily gave the contents of her purse a once-over, cursing her stupidity at leaving a credit card there for nosy eleven-year-old thieves to find. "JJ. Give me my credit card," she said, adding an extra level of firmness to her tone, to let JJ know she was not messing around.

"Did you lose it? I can help you look for it if you want…" JJ said, making an honest-to-God effort to look around the surrounding area. She even dropped down to peer under the table. "Do you think it fell out?" she asked.

Fortunately, from this angle, Emily could see the outline of the card against the back pocket of JJ's jeans. "I think…it's in your back, right hand pocket…" Emily said deliberately.

"Were you checking me out? That's gross if you were. 'Cause you're an adult and I'm just a kid. My parents say that adults who do that have problems," JJ said, with stunning authority.

Emily crossed her arms. "JJ, I am not kidding. This is your warning. If you don't make the choice to give me back my credit card you will make the choice to have a consequence instead. I have a driveway full of snow that needs shoveling, and you'll be doing that to work off the money you took."

"Oh, my God! Fine! Here! What's the big deal? I was just playing around anyway…" she sulked.

At least, Emily noted, JJ looked embarrassed about her behavior. That meant that Emily likely did not have to watch out for signs of an unattached child that sometimes showed up when they came from severely abusive or neglectful backgrounds. She'd been worried about Aaron in this regard, but so far, was pleased at how well he could be reasoned with, and that it was fairly easy to get him to open up about what was bothering him. Still, it was clear that JJ had some issues that needed attention. Emily wished for three times the hours in the day, knowing that it still would not be adequate.

"Sit," Emily told JJ, pointing to a chair that was out of arm's reach of the purse.

JJ put her head in her hands. "You're really gonna yell at me my first night at your house? I haven't even been here a half-hour. That kind of rude…" she said, with all the self-possession of a preteen.

"No, JJ. You know what? I think it's rude when someone comes into another person's house and immediately tries to steal from them. And then lies about it. In this house, the rules are simple. We treat each other with respect. And we always do our best. It takes a smart girl to trick people out of their money and belongings. I know you understand that what you're doing is not okay. That's why it won't be tolerated. The next time you steal or lie about stealing, there won't be a warning, just consequences. Understand?"

The attitude, it seemed, had finally disappeared. JJ sat slumped in her chair and there were tears in her eyes. "Yes," she answered in a tiny voice.

"Yes, what?" Emily pressed, determined to set expectations for behavior immediately, and see them met.

"Yes, I understand," JJ answered, staring at her hands, ashamed.

Emily sighed. And she knew she was in for one heck of a ride with this one.

**A/N: Needless to say, those of you who guessed JJ were right! Here she is! Do you think Emily can handle all her sass? Let me know your thoughts, please, I love hearing from all of you. Remember, you don't even have to log in to do it so it's super easy. Thank you to all of you who have given this story a chance.**


	7. Sister

Aaron woke up at perfectly seven o'clock in the morning. It was his first day with the bigger girl, JJ, in the house. He felt better with more kids here, because there was safety in numbers. The more kids, the more defenses he could have in case Emily got really mad. He got up and made his bed, just like Emily showed him. He made sure there weren't any wrinkles. He got dressed and made sure his pajamas were all folded up and there was not one thing on his bedroom floor. Then, he went upstairs to the table.

There was a plate with eggs and bacon and toast. It was on his placemat that said his name, so Aaron knew it was okay to eat. He got going and watched the time very carefully. It was much easier to eat without Emily looking at him and Aaron was glad again that JJ came. Aaron could hear Emily trying to wake her up, but JJ didn't want to get up. Normally, Aaron would get all worked up about that, but JJ was bigger and she looked like she could run fast if something happened. Aaron wanted to make it his goal to get out the door and go to school before Emily came out to see him one time. He liked her most of the time, but sometimes she still made him nervous.

Aaron ate everything on his plate and drank his orange juice. Then, he very carefully took his plate to the sink and rinsed it off to put inside the dishwasher. He stopped short, seeing that there were all clean dishes inside. He didn't want to leave dirty dishes for Emily to see even though she usually didn't care. He didn't want to wash them either, because there wasn't time for that if he wanted to get out of here before Emily saw him. But then he got a great idea. He brought the dishes downstairs and hid them in his bedroom closet. Then, he got his backpack and slipped out the back door downstairs.

Just like he hoped, Emily didn't notice him at all.

Maybe, all his dreams came true while he was sleeping.

Maybe, Aaron became invisible.

He walked down the sidewalk to the bus stop and stayed away from the other kids because they liked to tease him about being a poor reader and bad at everything. Aaron was going to make sure and do his best job at school so that his teacher would be very proud, but learning was hard work. The bus came and Aaron got on.

He sat down in the only open seat. He never saw it coming when the other kid sitting in the big green seat shoved him out so he landed in the walkway. The bus driver turned around and yelled at him. The other kids laughed. Aaron just picked himself up and sat back down. He narrowed his eyes at the bigger kid. Then, he counted the seconds until they were at school and Aaron could have the protection of 'No Violence.'

* * *

><p>JJ was still sleeping hard when she heard Emily's voice trying to wake her up. She groaned and pulled the pillow over her head. The sound of Emily talking made JJ want to cry. She was hoping last night was all a dream or a big mistake. But it looked like it was real and she really did get taken from her mom and dad.<p>

"JJ. You need to get up," Emily insisted. She took all of JJ's blankets off.

"What the hell?" she asked, just like Janet did on her first day of school when JJ did that same thing to her. Maybe, she would turn out like Janet after all. She was definitely sad enough this morning.

"Aaron's already on his way to the bus stop. You're going to be late," Emily kept talking, annoying the crap out of JJ. Like she really cared what Aaron was doing.

"Big deal," she mumbled, and was shocked when her pillow disappeared. JJ opened her eyes and glared at Emily. "Give that _back_!" she yelled.

"Get up, make your bed and put some clothes on. I want you in the kitchen in five minutes," Emily said, like she actually expected JJ to listen.

JJ curled into a ball and tried to keep sleeping but now she was pissed and sad and freezing. She got up and threw the blankets angrily on her bed. Then, she stopped short and looked around. She hadn't brought anything with her. She didn't have anything to wear except what she came in last night. JJ looked at the closet but didn't go over and open it, just in case she might see the same thing she saw at home. When she opened the dresser drawers, she found socks and stuff, but not enough of anything to make an outfit.

She sat on the bed and thought. Emily said not to come to the kitchen until she had clothes on, but she couldn't do that. Did that mean Emily was going to get all pissy at her again? JJ hoped not. It was hard enough adjusting to a new house, a new lady, a new little boy, a cat and a new school. She didn't need to get a hard time about not having clothes with her. Besides how was she supposed to know yesterday morning that by last night everything was going to be different?

"JJ. Are you all set?" Emily called. She didn't sound mad, even though JJ's own mom would probably be really mad if JJ acted this way at home. Now, she wouldn't care. But before, when she gave a damn. JJ wasn't trying to make things hard, but she didn't know what else to do.

She trudged, embarrassed, out to the kitchen. JJ stood there in some socks and a nightshirt that was someone else's. She felt totally humiliated.

"You're not dressed," Emily said, scooping scrambled eggs on a plate.

"I don't have anything…" JJ explained softly, biting her lip.

* * *

><p>Despite their rocky beginning, it was moments like these that reminded Emily JJ was just a little girl. It was easy to get drawn into her behavior. The deceit. The stealing. The horrendous attitude. Stripped of all that, JJ looked young and small. She seemed painfully embarrassed and Emily found herself wondering if this was the reason JJ stole from other people. Was it because she didn't have things of her own and wanted to know what that felt like? Emily knew she would never ask such a question, and instead, took JJ by the hand and led her back to the bedroom beside her own.<p>

JJ seemed like a different girl this morning. The mere fact that she allowed her hand to be held suggested defeat. Sadness hung around her like something tangible - a curtain or a veil - and Emily didn't know what to do to lift it. So instead, she began with something she could do.

"I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you. There are some clothes in the closet here that should work for now. In a couple weeks, we can go shopping and find you some clothing and shoes that suit your taste."

JJ sank down on the bed. "Don't you mean you're sorry for ripping the covers off me while I slept? I bet you don't do that to the little boy." She kept her eyes downcast, refusing to meet Emily's gaze.

"Aaron doesn't have a problem waking up in the morning," Emily said matter-of-factly.

"I don't want to go to school," JJ insisted, wrapping her arms around her knees.

Sighing, Emily sat down on the bed beside her. "It's hard adjusting to a new place, huh?"

JJ's face gave nothing away in the silence. Finally she spoke. "Did _you_ ever have to? Adjust?"

"Well, let's see… You're in sixth grade, right?" Emily asked, though she knew the answer. At JJ's affirmative she continued. When I was in sixth grade, my mother's job meant we had to move to Lebanon. That's a Middle Eastern country where they speak Arabic and French. Their country just stopped fighting a Civil War when we moved there. It was very hard to get used to. I knew French but not well and I wasn't familiar with Arabic at all. I was afraid the kids would make fun of me."

"Are you gonna tell me none of them did? Because I won't believe you," JJ insisted, distrust back in her eyes.

"No. Some did. But not all of them. I didn't make a lot of friends, but I made a few. I learned to fit in."

"Yeah, of course you did. You have dark hair and all of them have dark hair," JJ said, shrugging.

"Anyway, kiddo, I'm sorry it's hard. I won't lie to you. It _will be _hard, but you can always talk to me."

JJ stretched and reclined on the bed. "I'm not going to school…" she maintained.

"That part is not negotiable. You are most definitely going to school. Dressed or in your pajamas is up to you, but you are going."

JJ waited until five minutes before they had to be out the door and then threw some clothes on and tried to leave for the bus stop, but Emily met her in the driveway. "Get in," she said.

"No way. I'm riding the bus," JJ maintained.

"No, ma'am. You're riding with me. Unless and until you can be trusted to go to school every day and stay there for the duration."

JJ wrinkled her nose. She balked. She dragged her feet. But she got in the car.

* * *

><p>School was just as terrible as JJ imagined it was going to be. She didn't have a clue what was going on and she was so behind in everything. The only class she liked at all was gym and that was because she got to be active and do stuff that didn't involve thinking too much.<p>

She was lost when they studied whales in science. She was lost when they were learning about bodies in health class. And she was really lost when she walked into some kind of Japanese tea ceremony in her Reading and Language class. That was actually fun, but the tea tasted gross and she would never admit it to Emily if she asked. When they looked up Japan on the computer for facts, JJ tried to find Lebanon and couldn't. It wasn't anywhere near Japan.

It was really weird in this school because it had first through sixth graders in it, not sixth through eighth grade. She saw Aaron once, and it gave her a strange, fluttery feeling inside. She wasn't sure why, since she and Janet never really went to the same school, except when JJ was, like, five and Janet was eleven. It was just strange to have some kid that could be her brother at the same school as her. No one talked to her, but Aaron's mouth twitched a little, like he wanted to smile at her.

The second graders were walking down the hall doing whatever they did, and JJ watched because math was boring. That's why she saw Aaron almost smiling at her. Then, some little ass shoved him from behind and he fell.

"Hey!" she said, getting up and rushing to the hall.

The dumb second grade teacher had not even turned around yet, even though kids were laughing and Aaron was getting up from the floor as if nothing happened. The line of kids just kept going.

"You leave him alone!" JJ yelled at the little shit who was giggling, as if it was some big joke.

"Young lady. Get back to class," the teacher at the front of the line said, finally noticing the commotion.

"This kid shoved Aaron! Are you really not going to do anything about that?" she asked, thinking that this school sucked more than usual.

"I'm sorry. Who are you?" The teacher squinted at JJ's unfamiliar face.

"I'm his sister," JJ said, and Aaron moved closer to her. She hadn't expected to say it. She hadn't even thought she meant it until it was out of her mouth, and Aaron was standing closer to her.

Her throat swelled with too many emotions. It felt good to be somebody's sister again.

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the sweet reviews! They mean so much to me. Sorry this chapter took a few days to post. Life got in the way about halfway through this chapter, but I really hope you all like it!**


	8. Stash

Two months into JJ's arrival, things were going well. She was adjusting, and had started opening up in therapy about a few things. Her father attended the first court date and had three months to complete rehab, get a steady job and become able to provide a stable home for his daughter. JJ's mother, it seemed, was out of the picture permanently. The court date was also where Emily learned, courtesy of JJ's father, that her older sister, Janet had committed suicide in September. She was seventeen.

The knowledge brought to mind JJ's myriad of quirks. How she steadfastly refused hooded sweatshirts when they were shopping. How she refused to wear a scarf, and even became angry when Aaron came upstairs, apparently at some piece of his wardrobe. At the time, Emily couldn't make sense of it, but now she honed in on the detail she had missed. Aaron was wearing a belt.

She still had a tendency to wander and do her own thing. It was a constant battle to remind her that Emily was the parent and she was the child. JJ still could not understand why Emily needed to know that she was going to the park before she went. Or why she should ask before taking money from Emily's purse to get ice cream for herself and Aaron.

However, these were small matters. Which was why Emily was shocked when she moved aside a large pile of dirty clothes in JJ's closet and a large hole punched into the wall. Tentatively, Emily reached inside and closed her eyes. Had this been Aaron, Emily would have expected to find food. But Emily was disappointed to pull out item after item that appeared to have been stolen.

There were seven pairs of earrings, a very expensive bracelet, headbands, packs of gum, candy bars, a Grand Theft Auto video game, legwarmers, Taylor Swift perfume, and finally an I-Pod and a laptop with a child's name Emily recognized from the elementary school on the back. She reached in again and felt around to be sure she hadn't missed anything. In the far corner, when Emily stretched, she could reach more. Pillowcases she hadn't yet missed from the linen closet. Boxes of thank-you cards from Emily's dining room table. Family photographs. Coupons. Emily's dog-eared copy of Mother Night by Kurt Vonegut. Sharpies. Hand lotion. When Emily saw the box of personal checks, her heart sank. Two were missing and the carbon copies underneath indicated that JJ had written them out to cover strange purchases. One-hundred dollar soccer cleats and a two-hundred dollar electronic dart board.

"JJ," Emily called, doing her best to keep her cool. "Come in here, please."

"Yeah… What's up?" she asked from the hall. When she came in the room, her face fell. "What are you doing in here?"

"Get your jacket, get your gloves and get the shovel," Emily said calmly.

"There's like, 26 inches outside!" JJ protested. "It's too much! I'll freeze to death!"

Emily took JJ's hand and walked her to the front closet. She watched the young girl steel herself in the moments before the door was opened. The two to three inches on the driveway wouldn't take long to complete. Emily would have to think of something else, in addition to taking everything she stole back from where she stole it.

"Where are the cleats and the dart board?" Emily asked.

JJ's shoulders slumped and she walked away in her purple and yellow Columbia ski jacket. Amazingly, she produced the dartboard from behind the living room couch, and the metallic purple and magenta cleats from under a chair.

"You can't leave me behind. It's not allowed," a tiny, serious voice said.

Emily turned contraband in hand to see Aaron. He had somehow slipped in without her noticing. "No, honey. We're not leaving you. JJ has to go out and shovel the driveway, but I'm staying right here with you."

"How come?" he asked, looking from face to face.

Emily turned and cast a meaningful gaze at JJ. She would have to get used to owning this behavior. "Look him in the eyes and tell him why."

"Because I stole some stuff. I took things that don't belong to me and I kept them. I didn't pay for stuff at the store. I took stuff that's Emily's without asking first, and I used checks from her checkbook to buy stuff I don't need."

"Did you know what you were doing was wrong?" Emily asked.

"Yes…I knew…" A tear slid down her cheek. Telling Aaron what she had done was humbling, just as Emily had hoped. JJ liked being an older sister. She liked helping Aaron and standing up for him. The idea of letting him down, hopefully, would have JJ thinking twice before she did this again.

"Then why did you do it?" Emily pressed.

"I don't know! It was exciting! And when I get caught…it's like…proof that I exist or something!" She was crying hard now. "Nobody cared what I did for four months! It was like I wasn't even there! My real mom and dad never saw me at all! I took stuff the first time because it made me sure I could still be seen! I just wanted to be noticed!"

"JJ. You don't have to do that to be noticed. I notice you every minute of every day you're with me. And when you're not with me? When you're visiting your dad? I notice your absence," Emily explained.

"Well you never _told me_ that so how was I supposed to know?" JJ sobbed. "It still feels the same! I still _feel _invisible!"

"We're going to deal with this," Emily promised. Turning, she registered that Aaron hadn't said anything in some time. He was no longer in the room, and Emily was sure he had fled to escape the tears and the tension. "Now, you're going to go out and shovel the driveway. When you're finished, come to me and tell me you're finished. I don't want you disappearing, do you understand? That's not how we deal with things here."

JJ nodded, and opened the door. It was cold, but not too cold. She took the shovel and started got to work, cursing herself for being so stupid.

Emily watched from the window, and while she watched, she called up Dave, hoping he was home.

"Hey. What's up, kiddo?" he asked. "I haven't heard from you in a while. How's your new girl, JJ? She's a little spitfire, isn't she?" he said, and Emily could tell he was smiling.

"Dave, would you mind doing me a huge favor?" Emily asked.

* * *

><p>It took JJ forever to finish shoveling. Every time she thought about putting the shovel down and escaping, she turned and saw Emily still watching her from the window. When she was done, she went inside to warm up. It was just in time to hear a knock on the door.<p>

"JJ, could you get that?" Emily called.

"Yes," she said, and walked over, pulling open the door. She stumbled back and her mouth fell open at the sight of a real cop, like the one who did the D.A.R.E. program at her school last year. He was in his police uniform and everything.

"Are you JJ?" he asked.

"Who are you?"

"I'm officer Rossi. I received a call from a concerned citizen. I need to see your room." He had a warm voice, but deep, like driving on gravel.

Stunned, JJ turned and led the way to her room. The whole way there she prayed and prayed that the pile of stuff Emily made in the middle of her room was somehow picked up. When she saw it was still there, JJ felt sick to her stomach. This was worse than the cops at the mall. But instead of breaking down like a baby, she turned angry eyes on Emily. "You told a cop on me?" she asked, incredulous.

"Your choices have consequences." Emily said in that calm voice that pissed JJ off.

"You think I don't know that? Last time I stole something I got taken away from my house! So, guess what? This doesn't scare me! Nothing could be worse than coming here, so go ahead. Say what you're gonna say. Whatever!" JJ exploded.

"You keep this up, you know where you're going?" Dave asked keeping his tone serious but conversational.

"Yeah, I already said. Probably another shitty foster home like this," JJ pouted.

"If you keep doing this as a teenager and an adult, you'll go to jail," Dave insisted softly.

JJ swallowed but stood her ground. "So?"

"You know I live right down the street from this house. If I get a call from Emily I can be here in less than five minutes."

JJ eyed Officer Rossi critically. "You're old. I can run faster than you."

"JJ, I swear to God…" Emily said, losing her temper just a little.

"What?" she asked, still clinging to the attitude instead of showing how freaked out she really was.

"I know you don't put very much stock in family right now, JJ. But I can tell you care about your freedom. You like to do your own thing, don't you?"

"Maybe…" JJ scoffed.

"In jail, you have absolutely no freedom. You're told when to wake up. When and what to eat for meals. What to wear. When you can shower. You use the bathroom in front of everybody. You have no privacy. Does that sound like something you want?" Officer Rossi asked, and waited.

A lump the size of her fist lodged in her throat. "No," she managed.

"Then, I suggest you clean up your act. Starting today. You listen to Emily. You make this right," Officer Rossi said. "Know that I'll have my eye on you. So will my wife. So will Emily. Understand? Prison is no place for a bright girl like you. You can do better. I believe that. There's still time for you to make a better choice."

"Are you going to arrest me?" JJ asked, her blue eyes wide and terrified.

"Not today," Officer Rossi said. "And I hope I never have to," he turned to Emily and spoke to her in a totally different way. "I'm making lasagna. Would you, JJ and Aaron like to come by? Say, six o'clock?" he asked.

"That sounds great. Thanks, Dave," Emily said. Then, they hugged. It was the weirdest thing ever.

JJ and Emily spent the next few hours making piles of things. The stuff she stole from Emily. The stuff she stole from a kid at school. The stuff she stole from a store. The $300 debt she owed. JJ was pretty much numb, since she had never seen that amount of money ever. It was huge and impossible to think about. So when Emily started in with tools and took her bedroom door and closet door off, she couldn't even say anything about it. After that, it was some putty stuff and paint, and Emily showed her how to repair the hole in her wall.

"Are you going to make me leave?" JJ asked. It was better to know. Better to have some warning.

"No. We're going to deal with this. No running away, remember?" Emily said as she monitored JJ bringing back all the things she that stole from the house and putting them in their rightful places. "I'll go to school with you tomorrow and we'll talk to the principal about the best way to return the things you stole from the girl at school. Before we go to Dave and Carolyn's, we're going to go back to the mall and talk to the manager at the store where you took these things. Just so, we're clear. I want an apology, and you're going to apologize to your classmate and to the manager."

"Can I write it down?" JJ asked, hating the idea of owning up to her embarrassing behavior. What if the kids at school found out she was a thief? No one would want to invite her to birthdays or sleepovers.

"No. You're going to look them in the eye and tell them what you did and why it was wrong, just like you did with Aaron."

That seemed to stop Emily for a second. It stopped JJ, too. Where _was_ Aaron? It had been hours since Emily had discovered JJ's collection of stolen stuff. Hours since JJ told Aaron what she'd done and shoveled the driveway.

"Aaron?" Emily called. "Come on. We've got to go."

JJ trailed her as she searched, first his bedroom where JJ saw a plate, fork and spoon with some mold growing on it in the middle of the floor. But no sign of Aaron. JJ felt nervous inside as they checked his closet and behind the furniture. Under blankets and outside.

But after fifteen minutes, there was still no sign of him anywhere.

It was like he just disappeared.

**A/N: Okay, where the heck did Aaron go? That's the question, isn't it? So, where do you think he is? What did you think of JJ's stash and the appearance of Officer Rossi? So many questions! A big thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited or alerted this story! I love hearing from you guys, so let me know your thoughts and remember, no login is necessary to leave reviews!**


	9. Consequences

Aaron held his breath as long as he could. When he had to breathe, he did it very quiet. It was lucky his cast was off his arm now, because otherwise it would hurt a lot to be scrunched in this place. He'd been here a long time. It was dark and cold, and it reminded him of home too much. When he heard that policeman, Rossi, Aaron knew he was in bad trouble. When Emily called for him, he knew it was a trick so he stayed right where he was. He closed his eyes and tried to go away inside himself. He heard somebody walking up above his head and held very still, so no one would find him.

This was his punishment. His consequences. Emily didn't have to tell him. He knew all about it. JJ had to shovel snow for stealing. For a while, Aaron thought things were different here. Ever since they got Sergio and Emily explained to him about how humans ate human food and cats ate cat food. She hadn't been mad at him for taking it. But JJ had taken a bunch of things from Emily's house and kept them in her closet. Just like him. He took the plate and fork and spoon out and put them in the middle of his floor like Emily did with all the things JJ stole. He thought about all the snacks he ate at Emily's that he didn't work for. That he didn't pay money for. It probably added up to millions of dollars.

He had excused himself from the living room after JJ explained what she did wrong. The first place he checked was the bathroom, but there wasn't a place for him there. No tiny box or kennel or - the worst - extra fence metal to wrap around him and make him stand still for days and days. So he knew Emily wanted him to do the same thing his biological mom and dad wanted him to do when he was very bad. She wanted him to disappear. She wanted to forget she even had a little boy.

So, he went downstairs, into the secret space underneath them. He closed the door and felt around in the dark. There were lots of big sturdy plastic boxes like at his real house. Some had wrapping paper inside, and one had Halloween costumes. Aaron knew because he searched it out before, just to know ahead of time where he would be expected to go. So he climbed inside the box, and pulled the top on after him. He got underneath all the costumes and waited. It was scary, but Aaron tried to be brave. At least he wasn't stuck standing up. At least there were soft things inside here. Some tears came out of his eyes and he tried to keep them in.

Aaron would have to leave, he was sure of that…but at least he got to have a break from his life for a little while.

* * *

><p>"Aaron, it's JJ. Come on and stop hiding, okay?" she called.<p>

This was getting seriously scary. If _this _was because of her stealing, JJ vowed she would never do it again. She could handle anything that happened to her. She could even handle using the bathroom in front of God and everybody in jail. But the thought of anything happening to Aaron tore at her insides. He meant more to her than anything.

She knew he liked to slip into small places, so those were the first places she and Emily checked. Under his bed. Behind the furniture. JJ even forced herself to look inside all the closets in the house. But no Aaron. Emily had gone to check outside, but there were no snowy footprints.

JJ could tell Emily was trying to be calm, but it wasn't working. There was this desperate edge to her voice. It had been a half hour and they still hadn't found him yet. JJ was just about to suggest Emily calling that old cop friend back to find Aaron, but she bit her tongue. There were still plenty of small places she hadn't looked yet.

She scooped up Sergio in her arms and walked with him into Aaron's room. "Here," she said, setting the cat down on Aaron's bed to get a good whiff of what he smelled like. "Find Aaron, okay? Can you help me find him?"

JJ knew dogs were the best at this sort of thing, but Sergio was all she had, and he seemed pretty close with Aaron. He liked sleeping in bed with him, and hanging around him, and everything. If anyone knew where Aaron was, it was probably Sergio. It only took a couple minutes to figure out that Sergio sucked at finding lost people.

She was on her way back upstairs when she noticed the door leading to the crawl space beneath the stairs. She had scoped it out a few times, to see if there was anything worth taking. There wasn't. Just old videotapes and broken toys and tons of bins with crap in them.

JJ stopped short. Bins.

She eased open the door, startled by the pitch-blackness of it under here. She reached above her to pull the cord for the old-fashioned light. Things had definitely been moved since the last time she was here. It looked messy, like someone came through in a hurry and didn't care what they knocked over. The deeper in she went, the more convinced she was that Aaron was here somewhere. The mess was one reason. The smell was another. Either Aaron was freaked out enough to have an accident or Sergio got in here and did his business all over everything. But there was a difference between the smell of cat pee and human pee. This was definitely human.

Tentatively, JJ looked in one of the dark green storage containers. She could probably fit inside it if she curled up, so Aaron would have no trouble. No sign of him, just wrapping paper. Inside another was tons of regular paper. Just as JJ was about to give up, she noticed the one shoved farthest under the stairs, so she had to crouch to get the cover off. The light wasn't good over here, and it took a second for her eyes to adjust.

When they did, all the blood left JJ's head. She saw Aaron's bare foot first. Then the rest of him. He lay completely still. Not moving. Not blinking.

JJ screamed.

* * *

><p>When Emily heard it, the hair on the back of her neck stood up. JJ had a distinct scream with notes of terror Emily had only heard from children who had known unimaginable abuse or trauma. She did not think. Emily ran. She abandoned her search of the kitchen cabinets and rushed down the stairs. Finding the door to the alcove beneath the stairs ajar, Emily ducked inside.<p>

The smell of urine hit her first. JJ's screams were deafening in the small space, but Emily moved toward them. Toward the farthest corner, where she had stored the box of Halloween costumes. She glanced inside it at Aaron's unmoving body and she didn't hesitate. She pulled Aaron out and held him to her body. He stiffened at the contact and came alive in her arms, trying to fight off the hands that held him.

"JJ. JJ, listen to me. He's okay. Aaron's fine. He's just a little cold," Emily soothed, putting an arm awkwardly around the shaking girl, and keep her grip on Aaron, who was fighting her in earnest.

Mercifully, JJ stopped screaming. "I'll get a blanket," she offered, her voice tremulous.

"Thanks, honey," Emily called after her, and then focused her attention on the writhing boy in her arms.

He was wearing almost nothing. Just soaked underpants with Spongebob on them. "Aaron, it's okay," Emily reassured, willing her own voice to remain steady. "You need to come out of here with me, okay? Relax. You're not in trouble."

None of this seemed to register, and Aaron only stopped fighting when he ran out of steam. Then, he went completely boneless. Emily took the opportunity to carry him out and made quick work of dressing him in dry clothes. Her basement was finished, but the utility room and the area under the stairs where Aaron had hidden were uncarpeted cement, and therefore, very cold. Upstairs again, Emily sat on the couch and held Aaron in her lap.

"What's wrong with him?" JJ whispered, holding the fleece blanket with butterflies that Carolyn had given to her as a late Christmas gift. She spread it over Aaron, unprompted.

"I think he's just overwhelmed right now. I really appreciate your help, JJ. Can you do one more thing for me? It's very important."

"Yes," JJ said, seeming ready for anything.

"I need you to go to Dave and Carolyn's. Tell them what's happening and ask them if you can please stay for dinner. Can I trust you to do that?" Emily asked.

"You want me to eat dinner with that cop who hates my guts?" JJ asked in a tiny voice.

Emily sighed. "Honey, listen to me. I'm going to tell you the same thing I've told Aaron. I would never send you anywhere that wasn't safe, okay? I need to focus on Aaron right now, and while I do that, I need to know that you're safe. Please do as I say."

"Okay…" JJ managed. "Emily? I'm sorry for taking all that stuff from you and writing your checks and everything. I shouldn't have done that and I'll pay you back somehow, I promise…"

"Yes, you will…but don't worry about that right now. Go to Dave and Carolyn's. Call me when you get there."

Emily breathed a sigh of relief when JJ was on her way, and then when she got the phone call from Dave and Carolyn's home number saying she had arrived safely. Now, Emily focused on Aaron. He was warmer now, and a little more relaxed, but he still watched her warily.

"Aaron, I need you to talk to me. Do you understand?" Emily asked, keeping her voice soft.

"Yes, ma'am," Aaron answered.

Emily closed her eyes. Two-and-a-half months here, and he was worse than the first day he got here. "Why did you hide in the box?"

"Because I had to," he said, biting his lip. He didn't meet her gaze.

"Find my eyes, okay? Why did you have to hide in the box?" Emily persisted.

"Because consequences…" he mumbled.

"Consequences…" Emily echoed. "Why did you need consequences?"

"I'm like JJ…and I'm bad like the Viperfish, remember?" he said, his voice hoarse.

"What do you mean you're like JJ?" Emily wondered, confused. She held him a little tighter, relieved when he didn't tense in her arms.

"I took your stuff…" he admitted softly. "But I didn't see anything like usual so I just made myself go away. Like you made JJ go away to shovel snow…"

"What did you take that was mine?" Emily asked carefully, not betraying any emotions.

"Your food. Your paper for coloring. Your Dr. Seuss book. The clothes and shoes you got me. Your dishes from breakfast one time. Everything in this house is yours. I didn't pay for it," he said, looking close to tears.

"Honey, the things you're talking about? I _gave_ those to you. Or I gave you permission to take them, right?"

Aaron shrugged.

"A family shares things, don't they?" Emily asked. "A family does things for one another because we love each other, don't we?" She had the sense she was losing Aaron again and adjusted him in her arms again. "Hang in there with me, okay? I know it's hard to understand. Listen to me very carefully. You didn't do anything wrong, okay?"

Aaron nodded, but looked unconvinced. "You called the policeman…"

"Yes, I did. I called him to talk to _JJ_. She was taking things that belonged to other people. Things that she didn't have permission to take. Just like you, JJ can eat the food in the house and she can use paper and read books here. But she was doing things she knew in her heart were very wrong. I know it's hard for you to understand."

Aaron burrowed under the blanket and Emily pulled it aside, speaking to him gently. "Do you want to talk to me about the box under the stairs?"

"It's what I have to do. For when I'm bad…" Aaron elaborated, his voice low and hoarse. "Go in a box or a cage or inside some fence stuff that's tight so I can't move…but you didn't have a cage or any extra fence stuff…"

Emily went cold. She suddenly remembered the news reports from the days before Aaron arrived. The child who had been kept in cages, forced to sleep standing up, wrapped in metal fencing. As a minor, he was unnamed, and for some reason, she had failed to put two and two together. Tears came to her eyes.

"Honey, you never have to do that while you're here, okay? If you or JJ do something wrong, it's my job as your mom right now to help you do better the next time, okay? My consequences will look like taking away a privilege. Or doing a job, like shoveling snow outside, to make up for wasting somebody's time or money. What you are talking about? Going in that box under the stairs or getting wrapped up with wire? That's _abuse_. Not consequences."

"I don't understand…" Aaron hedged.

"Abuse is something that hurts you and that's the only reason it's done. I give you consequences because I love you and I want you to grow up strong and healthy."

"So…I guess…love doesn't hurt?" Aaron asked thoughtfully. "Is that the difference?"

"Yes. You're absolutely right. Love doesn't hurt." Emily reassured, blinking back her own tears.

**A/N: This was a tough one to write. Sorry about the heavy subject matter. Look for a new kid coming soon! Feel free to post a review with your guesses as to who might come next! Thanks for sticking with this story and sharing your thoughts with me.**


	10. Spencer

By the middle of April, things were finally starting to settle down for Emily and her little family. Aaron was working hard in therapy to deal with the physical abuse and neglect he suffered. JJ had made apologies to the store manager and returned all the stolen items, both there and in school. They had a policy now. If JJ felt the urge to steal something - from anywhere - she was to find Emily immediately and tell her about it. If they were out shopping, JJ would squeeze Emily's hand. It was common now for Emily to hand a certain amount of money to JJ and have her go through checkout, paying for what was bought. Emily wanted, more than anything, for JJ to get into the habit of paying for things.

When they weren't working on things like that, they were settled into a comfortable routine. JJ had begun to wake up reliably in the morning for school, and was motivated to look out for Aaron at every stage in his getting ready for the day. Emily was careful that JJ did not cross the line from older sister to parent, and the two got along remarkably well. They fought over who got to watch which preset program on the laptop. Aaron was starting to open up more to both Emily and JJ about the things he noticed and how much he did not want to return to his biological home.

His parents weren't granted any sort of visitation, and Emily hoped that with the hearing coming up, his biological mother and father would have their parental rights terminated. If that happened, Aaron would become a ward of the state and Erin Strauss would begin to try to match Aaron with a suitable adoptive family. Emily's heart ached at the thought of losing Aaron again, but she knew it came with the territory.

Meanwhile, things were underway for JJ to return to her father. Her behavior had taken nosedive and her independent streak and attitude were rearing their heads again.

This particular afternoon, while Aaron was in therapy, and JJ was in a terrible funk, Emily asked her into the studio.

JJ arrived, blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, eyes narrowed. She wore her butterfly blanket like a shawl, draped around her shoulders - a signal that things were difficult for her. "I could steal you blind, you know that?" she insisted, her tone bordering on disrespect.

"Yes, you've proven that. _Have _you?" Emily asked, eyeing JJ meaningfully.

"No!" JJ scoffed. "Search me! I don't give a crap!"

"Do you need me to search you?" Emily maintained.

"Oh my God! I just _said_ I didn't take anything! I'm just saying I _could_!" JJ insisted.

"Then I trust you. Come here and look at what I'm working on," Emily invited, hoping to divert JJ's negative energy into something else.

* * *

><p>JJ looked around. Because no one was home, she walked closer to the giant canvas. There was a smaller one, about the size of a piece of paper. It matched the big one exactly. On both of them were butterflies of every color. They were so pretty. On a branch, there was one hanging in its cocoon and another one just being born out of it. The rest were flying free. Like she wished she could. Like Janet got to.<p>

She blinked the tears back.

Emily said nothing, but slid her chair back a little and patted her lap. JJ hadn't sat on an adult's lap for years, and would have said it was creepy five minutes ago. But her life really sucked right now with Ashley making all the decisions and her dad getting more and more chances to prove he could take care of her, when JJ knew it was all just for show.

Tentatively, she sat down with Emily. "It's nice," JJ said, unable to say how she really felt. "My art teacher says that's how you can tell it's good art…" she trailed off.

"How's that?" Emily wondered.

"If it makes you feel something…" JJ admitted. "It makes me miss my sister. It makes me jealous of her. That she gets to be free and I have to be trapped here with everybody else making decisions about my life… I'm so pissed at her…if she had just stayed around, then none of this would be happening to me," JJ said, sniffling. "Now, even if I do go home, she'll still be gone. My mom won't be there. It's never going to be the same." Emily shifted and JJ shook her head. "Are you going to sell it?" she asked, nodding at the butterfly painting.

"Why would I sell it?"

"Because, you could make back the $300 I stole from you…"

"If memory serves, you've been working steadily to pay off that debt. Shoveling snow. Helping Dave and Carolyn with their garden. And you've done a great job cleaning and organizing my garage. I think that definitely covers your debt. I won't be selling this painting."

"I won't miss you," JJ said abruptly, sabotaging the praise she received in a matter of moments. She stood up and took herself and her blanket out the door of the studio. She didn't look back.

* * *

><p>Spencer screamed and fought when the man came to take him away, just like his mother taught him to, if he ever got kidnapped. He bit the man named Anderson and tried to open the car door, but the booster seat stopped him from doing any of that. When nothing else worked, he gave up and cried.<p>

"I don't know anything! I promise! I want my mom!"

He was in a black car. He was going to die. All the feelings were too big to fit inside his body. He didn't know what to do with them and he didn't want to listen to Anderson - that was a government name if he ever heard it - so he looked out the window. But that's when Spencer noticed the cars for the first time. A black car sped by and Spencer screamed. His mother taught him everything meant something. The color black was synonymous with death. He didn't want his mother to die. _Spencer_ didn't want to die. He was only four. He was planning to live five years past the national average by taking very good care of himself and eating all his green vegetables.

He screamed until they stopped at a red light. The color red meant stop whatever you're doing. When the light changed to green, Spencer let himself cry some more.

It was just what his mother told him would happen. One day, he would be happy, and the next, he would look around for his mother, and she wouldn't be there. Nobody's face would look familiar. It was all written down in Bob Dylan's song, _Rank Strangers to Me_. That's how Spencer knew it was true for sure. Because his mom told him that Bob Dylan was watching them and writing songs about their lives. She wrote the lyrics down in lots of notebooks and when he memorized the words, it made her so happy. What would he do without his notebooks? Without Bob Dylan? Without his mother?

It was exhausting watching the cars drive by, because all the colors meant something different. Red meant stop, green meant go, yellow meant slow down, brown meant take a rest, black meant someone would die, and orange meant danger ahead… Signs were everywhere, too. Writing on street signs, billboards, and the sides of trucks… Spencer felt like he was going crazy. No wonder his mom liked to stay in bed, and not go outside. He didn't like it either. That's why he never did it. It was safer inside. Better to stay together with their books and their tinfoil to block out the government's secret ability to spy on people, and to block out Bob Dylan when they wanted some privacy.

The black death car stopped in a long driveway in front of a big house made of reddish brown bricks. Stop and rest. So Spencer tried to catch his breath. He tried to stop crying but he couldn't do it. He fought with the booster seat. He had to get out of the car, and onto the grass so he could go into the house and rest.

Anderson moved slowly to unbuckle Spencer. More slowly than he wanted. Spencer looked at the bite mark that was turning into a bruise on Anderson's hand and felt happy. He was doing everything right. His mother would be proud. Spencer thought back to the morning. To his mother confused and screaming and insisting that he call for help, even though they should never trust the policies of outsiders.

It was just like she said. Because Spencer had dialed 911 and he had been taken away.

* * *

><p>Aaron stood behind Emily as she introduced herself to the new little boy. He looked sad and scared. Aaron could help him because he was learning about feelings and that it's best to talk about them and not keep them in. The new little boy had tears on his face and he was breathing funny, like he'd been crying. He was dressed in brown pajamas and he had auburn hair and glasses like a kid at school wore. It was too late to be in pajamas, but Aaron remembered his first day coming to Emily's house. He had worn pajamas then, too.<p>

"Hi, I'm Aaron. It's nice to meet you," Aaron said, after Emily introduced herself.

The little boy's - Spencer's - eyes got very big and he started screaming.

"Come on, Aaron," JJ said, and together they went outside to play. JJ was showing him how the backyard was safe. They played a game about opening and closing the gate in the yard. She even showed him how to climb the wooden fence or the chain link fence, if the gate was broken. She said Emily would say it was a great idea because she wouldn't want Aaron to feel trapped.

"What do you think is wrong with Spencer?" Aaron asked as JJ pushed him on the swing.

"I don't care. I'm going to live with my dad anytime now, so it doesn't make any difference to me," JJ said, like she didn't care. Except Aaron knew she did. He put his feet down to slow the swing.

"You're really going?" he asked, feeling too shocked to do anything but stand there.

"Yeah…soon… Emily's having some lame goodbye party for me…" JJ sighed.

"But who's going to protect me?" Aaron asked, biting his lip.

"Emily," JJ said. "That's a mom's job. That's what she says, anyway… But I'll stay in touch with you, I promise. Emily said I could call her anytime. And when I call her, I'll ask to talk to you."

"Aaron? JJ? Come inside, please," Emily called, and his shoulders slumped.

How was he supposed to feel okay if everything kept changing?

* * *

><p>Spencer studied the house carefully. When the two children came in from outside, he stood close to the woman who said her name was Emily. She had a purple shirt on, which meant she was strong like royalty. He kept his distance from the boy in the black jeans and white shirt. Mixed messages were the most dangerous. The girl with blonde hair was wearing light blue. That meant sadness was lifting from around her. Her leggings had flowers on them and the flowers were pink. Pink was the only trustworthy color. It meant love. Spencer moved from beside Emily closer to the girl.<p>

"This is Aaron. And this is JJ. Can you say hi?" she asked, like Spencer was stupid.

"Hello, I'm Spencer Reid. Did the government take you away, too?" he asked, and the children looked at each other like Spencer had said something strange.

"Spencer, you're going to be sharing a room with Aaron," Emily said, walking them down stairs with tan carpeting. Spencer tensed. More mixed messages. Relax with death is coming. It's okay with nothing is ever going to be okay.

When he saw the room, he breathed a little easier. Both beds had a plaid pattern. Aaron's was green and white, which were both suitable colors. Spencer's was white and blue. He didn't say he would have preferred brown. He was feeling very shy.

"I used to fit in the four-year-old clothes," Aaron confided, even though Spencer didn't care. "But I grew and now I'm almost big enough to wear clothes in my own size."

Aaron seemed very proud of this and Spencer shook his head. He looked for the girl they called JJ, but she wasn't there anymore. He wondered where she went, but reminded himself to never let his guard down.

Something caught his attention, and Spencer jumped back. A sunbeam rested innocently on the tan carpet under his feet.

Thoughts crowded into his mind. He didn't want this. When he called 911 he had never wanted this. He had just wanted his mom to stop yelling. Now, all he wanted was a time machine to take him back to this morning, before everything he most feared came true.

He stared at the unprotected window and burst into tears.

**A/N: Little Spencer is here! Times of transition are so hard. Thank you guys so much for all your kind reviews. Seriously, it means so much to me. This story has been so interesting to write and I'm so glad you are reading along with me. Feel free to let me know your thoughts or suggestions. You don't need to be logged in to do so.**


	11. Nocturne

On Spencer's first night, Emily read him a book called Goodnight, Moon. Spencer was crying too hard to tell her that, if he had to listen about the moon, he would much rather hear Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata than this book. He quieted when she went to Aaron's bed and proceeded to read him a more intriguing book, about a little prince, a fox and a rose. Spencer understood all the words but some of the deeper meanings escaped him. He wanted to ask Emily why a prince would take the time to tame a fox. When he overheard her reading JJ a book about a babysitter and a boy who had a learning disability, Spencer wondered why she took time to teach someone who couldn't learn.

The day had been difficult. Dinner had not been enjoyable, but at least Emily tried. He thanked her for it, even though he didn't touch the macaroni and cheese because he couldn't tell whether it was orange or yellow. He ate his hot dog slowly, and smashed his peas one by one until he was sure there were no listening devices in them. Emily had tried to be patient. She waited until he said he was done, and then took his plate away. It was decorated with some cartoon characters that were unfamiliar to him.

He got way down inside his blankets so that the government spies and Bob Dylan couldn't see him. He didn't want to hear a song about this day in his life. It would make Spencer too sad.

"It's okay to be sad," Aaron said from his bed across the room.

Spencer's breathing got stuck in his body. He couldn't move. "How did you know I was sad?" he said, his voice coming out in a different sound, like a croak. "Did they tell you?"

"No… _You_ did. You're crying," Aaron said, as if he could really see into Spencer's mind.

Spencer covered his head with the pillow. He didn't want a government-spy-boy for a brother. He didn't want any brothers at all. He only wanted his mother. They were all each other needed.

He tried not to make noise or do anything so Aaron could see his thoughts, but he just couldn't help it. He curled up under the blankets and couldn't stop crying. He imagined his mom crying, too, while the bad people tortured her for information that she didn't have. That made him cry harder. It was good he was in blue pajamas because they matched his feeling inside, but he needed brown pajamas if he was going to get any sleep tonight, and Spencer didn't know where the brown pajamas got put after his bath.

Maybe Emily kept them for evidence of his other life. Maybe her house was just a checkpoint on the way to the real place Spencer was going. Maybe he would be together with his mom. Even if they got tortured and the very worst things happened to them…it was always better to be together than apart.

* * *

><p>Aaron tried to block out Spencer's crying with his pillow, but it didn't work. He could still hear it. So, Aaron got up very quiet and sneaked into the bathroom. It's where he was used to anyway, and Emily only said he should use it if he had to use the bathroom, or wash his hands after, or take a shower. She didn't use it the same way his real mom and dad did - for the room to trap him in when Aaron was bad.<p>

He kind of missed it, but mostly he didn't. He missed it because he was used to it. He wasn't used to sleeping in a bed because he never did that before. He slept better if he was in the bathroom. Because then he knew for sure he couldn't get in trouble for a single thing. When Aaron was in the bathroom, he knew he was right where he was supposed to be.

This bathroom was different from the one at home. There wasn't the normal area with no shelves for him to be. This bathroom had shelves in the place where Aaron would probably stand. Sergio liked it because the floor was hot in the winter and cold in the summer, so Aaron brought him with. Aaron curled up on the floor next to the dirty clothes on the floor. He could barely hear Spencer at all.

Aaron felt kind of bad for Spencer but not that much. He was too sad and that made Aaron sad. He screamed at weird things and ate very slow at dinner. He even left food behind on the plate that made it very hard for Aaron to not steal. He hated seeing food get thrown away. It made his stomach hurt and it made him remember his real mom and dad never letting him eat with them. He only ate when they said to. It was like a trick and a game. If he wasn't fast enough, his food got thrown away. Watching Spencer's macaroni and cheese get thrown away made Aaron feel like he was losing.

JJ moving away tomorrow made Aaron feel like he was losing, too. But he couldn't say exactly about it, and that made his feelings hard to explain. So he kept them inside and saved them for his therapist, hoping there weren't too many by then. He wasn't really supposed to save up his feelings, but it was really late at night. Even though Emily said it was okay to wake her up if he needed something, Aaron was too scared to try. He tried talking to Sergio, who was very good at keeping secrets, but Sergio just kept walking away and that hurt Aaron's feelings. After that, he felt very tired, so he rested his head on the pile of dirty clothes.

He fell asleep very fast. And for the first time since he came here, Aaron didn't dream.

* * *

><p>Spencer started awake at 11:37 PM. His belly twisted like when he ate something with little nutritional value. At first, he stayed still and hoped the feeling would go away, but it didn't. Soon, he knew he wasn't going to be able to wait anymore and ran through the darkness to the approximate location of the bathroom. He didn't have time to turn on the light. He didn't have time for anything. He ran for the sink, missing except for the last little bit. He stood still, feeling hot and cold. Feeling as if he needed to be read to - real literature this time - like Shakespeare or Tolkien. But chances were that Emily didn't have any of these in her possession. She didn't even have a library, just one bookshelf. The thought made him sniffle. He felt wrong, but didn't know how to fix it, so he stood still until the answer presented itself. He heard his mother's voice in his head:<p>

"_If you're lost, stand still_."

Well, he was definitely feeling lost. He was in a different house, without his glasses and he didn't even know where the sink was in the bathroom. The light came on and Spencer squinted. Aaron stood there looking pale. Then, he just went under the sink and got some cleanser that Spencer was not allowed to touch because there was bleach in it. Aaron started cleaning up the whole mess that Spencer made.

"Who's sick?" JJ asked, standing in the doorway looking different with her hair not in a ponytail. She had plaid pajama bottoms and a tee shirt. They were pink. He was safe.

"I had something that didn't agree with me…" Spencer offered in a small voice.

"Aaron, don't touch that," she admonished in a tone his own mother used to tell him something was dangerous. Aaron stopped squirting cleanser on the sink. "Cleaning bodily fluids is definitely Emily's job…" she said, wrinkling her nose. "The only problem is, I'm not about to wake up the dragon lady for something like this."

* * *

><p>JJ sighed. She knew it wasn't her job, but she figured she might as well do this one last thing to pay Emily back for being such a brat. She gave Spencer a hug and a kiss and told him she was sorry he got sick, but it was probably from crying so much. Then, she told Aaron to take him upstairs.<p>

"Take Spencer to my room so he's close to Emily and stay with him in case he needs something. Okay? I love you guys," she said, shooing them away so she could deal with this nastiness. If Emily ever wanted to give consequences to future kids, she could definitely add this to the list. It was the rankest thing ever.

JJ cleaned and fought back tears. This was her last night. Her party had been the farthest thing from lame. Officer Rossi and his wife came and some kids from the Catholic Church where the family attended on Sundays. JJ didn't really have friends from school, but that was fine. Officer Rossi and Carolyn made this awesome cake shaped like a soccer ball. At the end, Emily had given JJ her life book - which was like a baby book - but for kids in foster care so they have a record of their lives and stuff. After all the important papers, JJ flipped to the back, where she found the smaller version of the butterfly painting that Emily had done. She had even written on the back:

_Amazed by your growth and transformation. Please stay in touch and call if you need anything. Love, Emily Prentiss._

JJ wished that she could just stay here. Her life was just starting to get good. She cried and wiped up Spencer's mess, wondering what would have happened if she hadn't been awakened by the sound of Spencer knocking something over. She guessed he'd been on his way in the bathroom to do all this and still didn't know his way around yet. JJ remembered that feeling. She felt for him. For Aaron, too, who was scared to be without her.

"JJ? Are you okay?"

She jumped and turned, startled by Emily's presence behind her. "Yeah… It's…not mine, it's Spencer's. I think he just got too emotional or whatever. I sent him and Aaron up to my room to be close to you in case he needs anything." She blushed under Emily's stern look. "I know, okay? I totally know this is a mom thing. I just…wanted to do this one last thing for you, before I have to go…"

* * *

><p>Emily stood stunned. Was this really the same girl from three months ago? Her schoolwork would indicate yes, but in all other areas, JJ had transformed. Here she was at near 1 AM cleaning up a terrible mess that wasn't hers and doing so willingly, with tears tracking down her face. Because she could think of little else to do, Emily joined her in finishing up. They walked upstairs side by side and Emily checked on the boys who were asleep soundly - Spencer sprawled on JJ's pink comforter - and Aaron on the floor. Like a zombie, Emily returned to her own room, surprised when JJ paused beside the bed and then climbed in.<p>

"I don't want to go…" JJ sobbed quietly.

"I don't want you to go, either…" Emily said, smoothing JJ's hair. "But you always have a home here, okay?" she said quietly.

JJ nodded, holding tightly to Emily as to her own composure.

Emily fought a losing battle with her own equanimity. Tears fell down her own cheeks and got lost in JJ's hair. She closed her eyes, and let herself hurt, knowing that if she were to paint this night, it would be full of stars. Stars, like so many children Emily had to say goodbye to, flung wide across the black expanse of sky. And herself as the moon, lighting the darkness the best she could - hoping that wherever her kids ended up - they could still see her. Hoping they remembered her. But above all, hoping they knew they were loved.

**A/N: You guys are the best. Do you know that? Because you are. A special thanks to all the reviews that have come from people without accounts here. I really, really love that you guys love this story and I definitely appreciate the time you take to share your thoughts with me. I'm sad to see JJ go...**


	12. Colors

On the morning of the seventh day at Emily's house, Spencer woke to find Aaron's bed made. Spencer didn't like being the last one up, because he couldn't see what colors Aaron was wearing. He stayed in bed as long as he could because it was blue and white and safer than stepping on the tan carpet by the unprotected window. Spencer felt beneath his bed and smiled. The tinfoil he'd gotten from the kitchen was the exact same kind his mother used to block out government signals.

He could risk standing on the desk in front of the window in order to cover it up. He stretched, and stood on his toes, but he still couldn't reach the top of the window. So, he stood on the little piece of wall that jutted out like a sill. That was perfect. Spencer did his best to clear his mind so there would be nothing for the spies to read about him. He tried stretching the tinfoil across but it wouldn't stay in place. Spencer couldn't remember how his mother made it stick, and now he was stuck with his arms spread wide like a target in front of the window. His heartbeat sped up. That meant adrenaline.

"Spencer! No!"

He turned, catching sight of Emily's bright red shirt as she rushed at him and lifted him down. "No! I have to! I have to!" he exclaimed, careful to stand very still. Red meant stop, after all. And the black pants were a warning. Don't obey and Spencer felt sure he could meet an early demise.

"Spencer, listen to me. That is very dangerous. You cannot stand on the windowsill. And tinfoil isn't a toy. Do you understand? It has a sharp edge that can hurt you." Her face is serious, and Spencer is having a hard time listening to her words and obeying the colors at the same time.

"Actually, the sharp edge is to cut the tinfoil, not skin…" Spencer offered. He had to explain everything to Emily. She actually thought tinfoil was for covering up leftover food. He tried to explain but it didn't do any good. It had been very hard to wait until she wasn't looking to move it into the bedroom.

Emily sighed as if she was frustrated. "Come on. Get some clothes on so we can start the day."

He stood and stared at her.

"Spencer. You need to get dressed," Emily said seriously.

"Actually, I don't." He wasn't being disrespectful, just stating facts. There was no scientific link that indicated people had to wear clothes to go about their days. He and his mother regularly wore their pajamas and had very successful days.

"I'm not arguing with you," Emily said. "What did I say yesterday?" she asked, walking to the closet and selecting two shirts.

"What time?" Spencer asked.

Emily pursed her lips like she was trying to keep her temper inside. "Okay. Let me rephrase that. What did I say yesterday about getting dressed?"

Spencer thought back. "'Pajamas are for sleeping. Clothes are for everything else. Getting dressed is not optional.'"

"That's right. Are you asleep right now?" she asked.

He stared at her. "Are you serious?"

There was no reasoning with Emily. There was no rationalizing. She insisted that he wear clothes. Just like the day before. It disappointed Spencer, but not as much as the multi-colored tee shirt she pulled over his head. Then, he fought her with all his might. His breathing quickened.

"Honey. Relax," Emily said as she took his arm through one of the holes.

"I can't!" he screamed. "Not this one!"

"Spencer, I gave you a choice, remember? You didn't choose. If you don't choose, it becomes my choice."

"I couldn't!" Spencer argued, all the fight going out of him when he focused on Emily's shirt again.

Everything about the day was unexpected. His cereal was brown, though, so that was good. He ate it all and then brushed his teeth because oral hygiene was important and he knew that from his mother. He tried not to look at the colors on his shirt. There was too much red and orange and black. Mixed with good colors like purple and blue and green.

"Okay boys. We're going on a nature walk," Emily announced.

Aaron went to the door and got his fleece pullover, even though it was April. Orange. Spencer felt sick.

"Can we go see JJ?" he asked, too stupid to know what he was doing. Orange attracted the government's attention better than all the other colors. It was like he was wearing a huge sign that said: SPENCER REID IS HERE.

"No, honey. JJ's with her dad, remember? But we can write to her when we come back. How does that sound?"

"Bad," he pouted. "I can't write that good."

Spencer stood still while Emily pulled on the green fleece over his head. This was good, at least. Green meant go, and they were going. Finally, something that made sense.

Outside was a whole new world. It felt too big and busy for Spencer to take it all in. The sun shone too brightly and the clouds were too puffy. The sky was too blue and Spencer didn't know what to listen to first. He stayed on the green grass as long as he could but then Emily turned them onto a brown dirt path. Spencer sat down. Brown meant stop and rest. So, Spencer did, even though he wasn't tired.

"Spencer, come on. You can't sit there, because you're blocking the way. You've got to get up," Emily said.

Disappointed, Spencer stood. That wasn't a very long rest.

They walked a little further and Spencer spotted tiny yellow flowers. He slowed down very much. That made Emily and Aaron slow down, too.

"Emily, look! Dandelions!" Aaron said. "These could look really good in your garden!"

"My rock garden?" Emily smiled. "I think plenty of weeds grow there already."

When a strange noise filled his ear, Spencer flinched. He held tighter to Emily's hand.

She bent down to his height. "It's okay. They're just birds. See?" she pointed to the sky where three black shapes flew overhead. The one in the middle lagged behind the two on the outside. Spencer had read about them in books, but he had never seen any himself. They were frightening. The sound they made was like a warning. The V-shape they flew in meant victory. Spencer's eyes filled with tears. Aaron's jacket had done the job. The government knew just where he was. He wrenched away from Emily and darted into the trees.

* * *

><p>By the time she got both boys back inside the house, Emily was having serious doubts about whether foster mothering was what she was meant to do. Spencer had screamed and carried on the entire way home while Aaron appeared suitably terrified. In a moment of inspiration, Emily set Aaron up with some toys in the living room, and her I-Pod, playing child-friendly songs to help block out Spencer's screaming.<p>

Emily turned back around to deal with Spencer only to see that he had curled into a ball and was beating his head against her hardwood floor.

"_No_," she said sharply, hoping to startle him. She steeled herself to pick Spencer up and Aaron turned from the pile of action figures to stare at them curiously. Emily did her best to reassure him, motioning for Aaron to continue playing and that everything was fine.

Spencer didn't fight, and Emily was thankful for the small miracle. She went to the kitchen and got him some ice wrapped in a towel. Then, she set Spencer on her lap and turned him to face her, doing her best to ignore the angry red spot on his forehead when he took the ice away. "We do not do that here. Do you understand?" Emily asked firmly.

"I just did it," he said, his tone maddeningly matter-of-fact. Emily forced herself to stay calm. There was nothing about this child she had known a week that struck her as disobedient. She cocked her head. It was more like he was painfully literal. It was more likely that he was incredibly bright.

"Yes, I saw that. What I mean is that hurting yourself is not okay. The rules here are simple. Can you tell me what they are?"

"Nobody gets hurt, and always do your best. And wear pajamas at night and clothes during the day."

"That's right. Nobody hurts anybody else, including yourself. In this house, we talk about what's bothering us. Can you tell me what's upsetting you?"

"Yes," he said, studying the floor. She tipped his chin so he was looking at her.

Emily smiled ruefully. "What's bothering you?"

"The colors," he said, glancing away.

"Why do the colors bother you?" she asked.

"Can I play chess?" he wondered aloud, looking in Aaron's direction.

Emily knew avoidance when she heard it. "It sounds like you like playing chess and I'll do my best to find that game so you can play it, okay? But right now I need you to answer my question."

"There's too many and that takes up too much of my energy," he said, sighing. "Your shirt is red," he observed. "Red means stop."

"Oh? Do the other colors mean something?" Emily asked and was unprepared for the litany that poured from Spencer's mouth. She sat back as he continued speaking at a dizzying rate, telling her other things he knew for sure, about the outside world. The government and Bob Dylan were spying on him. And he took everything around him as a sign of what was to come. Most were interpreted to predict some kind of catastrophe.

"Who taught you this?" Emily asked, keeping her questions short and to the point.

"My mother."

Emily closed her eyes. According to Spencer's files, his mother was a paranoid schizophrenic with vivid persecutory delusions. The little things in Spencer's behavior that she had assumed to be quirks were instead hallmarks of a child who had grown up around a mentally ill mother. She cursed herself for not catching on sooner, just as she had with Aaron and his background of abuse and neglect.

"Honey, did you know you're mom has an illness?" Emily asked. She needed to tread carefully here. She could not risk alienating Spencer against his biological mother, but neither could she have him persist in believing his mother's skewed perception of the world.

Spencer shook his head.

"Her illness is in her mind and it makes her very worried about things like colors and people watching her. Her illness makes her see and hear things that aren't real," Emily explained gently.

"It _is _real. My mother's a literature professor. She's so smart. She reads me books and teaches me. She wouldn't tell me if it wasn't real." Spencer maintained seriously, looking Emily in the eye.

Emily sighed. This was so damn hard. "The part of your mom that reads you books and teaches you about literature? That is true. But the part of your mom that believes the things you just told me about people watching her? That's the illness."

"Her mind illness?" Spencer asked.

"Yes, it's called a mental illness," Emily clarified. "It doesn't change how much your mother loves you or how smart she is or how much she can teach you about books and other things. But it does change her ability to take care of you and keep you safe. That's the reason you came to my house, honey. Not because the government was watching you."

"She didn't have to keep me safe. I know how," Spencer reassured. "Can you tell Anderson that so I can go home? I really miss my mom."

"I know you do, Spencer. But listen to me. I can't allow you to hurt yourself here, or climb on windowsills to cover the windows in tinfoil. You don't have to be afraid here. What's the color that makes you feel the best?" she asked, hoping this would work.

"Brown for rest and relaxing," he answered certainly.

"Okay! While you're with me, I want you to try your hardest to imagine you're surrounded by brown. I want you to feel relaxed here. Even if you see a color like red on my shirt or black like my pants, okay. Know inside your heart that everything here is brown."

"Or pink! Pink's the best color because it means love," Spencer beamed, warming Emily's heart.

"Pink and brown it is then. Love and relaxation. You are _loved_ here and you can _relax_ here. No one is watching you, honey. I promise you."

"That's just my mom's mental illness?" Spencer asked. "The one that makes her worry?"

"That's right. And you don't have to worry. If you start worrying, come to me and use your words to tell me about it, okay?"

"I don't know feeling words. Just colors for them…" he hedged.

"That's something I can teach you," Emily offered. Then she stood up and walked over to Aaron, making sure the I-Pod was off before she addressed him.

"Thank you for playing so nicely over here where I can see you. I really appreciate it. I need to go in by bedroom for a minute." She led Spencer over to the Aaron and the toys. "I need you two to play quietly until I come back. But everything's okay and I'm not mad. I'll be right in there and I'll come right back. Do you understand?"

Both nodded somberly, and Emily excused herself. She knew realistically, she had only a couple minutes before they started bickering or one or both wandered away to isolate themselves. So she shut the door behind herself and leaned against it.

Emotion closed her throat and tears slid down her cheeks. Moments like this, mothering was so difficult. How right was it that her four-year-old feared colors and her seven-year-old felt most comfortable completely cut off from the rest of the family? Emily's heart broke for them, and for JJ, who lived a half-hour away, but still called to tell Emily she didn't want to go to school almost every day. Or when she had the urge to steal, which was happening more and more frequently.

Emily took a deep breath to gather herself. A minute here and there was all she could afford. Her boys still needed her. So she stepped out, prepared to do whatever it took for them to feel safe and secure.

**A/N: I've been having some trouble recently uploading chapters. I apologize if you've seen something come to your email inbox more than once. Hopefully that will get cleared up soon. In other news, I hope things start looking up for little Spencer. What do you guys think? Thanks so much for all your reviews, alerts and favorites! You guys are amazing!**


	13. Guests

**Due to further information and research about the unlikelihood of anyone from the States adopting a child from Japan after the earthquake, I went back to chapter 5 and changed information about Matthew Barrett-Mackey. **

July at Emily's was problematic, at best. Her boys - as she had begun referring to Aaron and Spencer - were hot and bored. Aaron, who thrived on the schedule and routine of the school year was struggling with the freedom of the summer months. In addition, his presence was required at the trial of his biological parents. Their rights had been terminated and now all that remained was their criminal trial. Aaron needed to be brave enough to testify - outside of the courtroom, on video - about the exact nature of his abuse. To say that he was struggling with this would be putting it mildly.

The appearance of Aaron's temper was surprising and alarming. Something small, like asking him to put up his book at night and go to bed often devolved into a three-hour tantrum that seemed more appropriate for a toddler. But knowing his background, Emily quickly realized that he had not had a safe place to express his negative emotions. She tried teaching him to paint, but he easily became frustrated with his inability to reproduce a line or an object the way he envisioned it in his mind.

Spencer was also languishing - his words not Emily's - due to the lack of academic challenge surrounding him. Though Emily normally wasn't a fan of measuring her children's intelligence quotients, for Spencer she was willing to make an exception. In the past three months, it had become clear that he was not just bright but perhaps, brilliant. When given a picture-based vocabulary, he scored in excess of 180. It was difficult to keep Spencer challenged enough to remain engaged in learning and at the same time determine where there might be gaps in his understanding. Emily purchased a used chess set and began collecting the books Spencer insisted he "needed in order to flourish." He had visits with his biological mother monthly, but according to Anderson, they were taxing on both Spencer and his mother. After the most recent visit, it became abundantly clear that she would not be able to cope with raising a four-year-old.

Spencer, of course, was livid about this and insisted that he _was_ going to live with her, no matter what the court said. Just because _Emily _didn't think his mother could take care of him didn't make it true. And when he finally accepted the fact that reunification was not to be, he set his mind to finding a cure to his mother's illness. Unfortunately, too, his penchant for reading into signs and colors remained, despite a lot of work both at home and with a therapist.

JJ had all but dropped off Emily's radar. The constant phone calls had dwindled and Emily was left wondering how JJ was doing. All she could do was hope that she was enjoying life with her father. But that didn't quell the desire to see JJ again. To speak to her. To hear her voice and hear from her how things were going.

Emily found herself doing a lot of reading, a lot of posting on an internet forum for adoptive and foster parents and a lot of reaching out to Dave and Carolyn for help. Soon, even that failed to be enough and Emily found herself on the brink of sanity one night, with Aaron throwing an impressive fit and Spencer in tears because he could "feel his brain dying from lack of use." Emily retreated to her studio for a couple moments to regain her composure. Her phone vibrated on her hip and Emily swore.

Then, she noticed the name in the caller ID and nearly wept in relief. Nathaniel, Cary and Matthew were in Reston, visiting some of Nathaniel's family. Could they stop by sometime this week?

"Of course," she told them. "You're always welcome. You know that. Come whenever. As soon as possible. Yeah. Of course, I mean it."

* * *

><p>Aaron was not excited. He didn't care what Emily said. He knew who Nate and Cary were because Emily talked to them on Skype. He knew they had a little boy, who got to be adopted. Aaron didn't get to be adopted and it made him mad inside. That wasn't fair. All he got to do was talk about his bad life with his old mom and dad. He had special therapy where he thought about the scary parts of his life, and the therapist taught him ways for those parts to lose their scariness. It was hard work. And it didn't change things. Aaron still was going to have to see some other little boy who got what Aaron didn't. That made him jealous inside.<p>

It made him want to wreck every good thing. So he walked right in the middle of Spencer's chess game and made him cry. Emily made him look at Spencer in the eyes and say it was wrong that he messed up the game, even though Aaron didn't think it was wrong. Not if he meant to do it. Then, she went with him out onto the deck with some Diet Coke cans. She asked how he was feeling and he said he didn't know.

"I want you to stomp on one of these cans as hard as you can," she said, so Aaron did. It felt good. He screamed when he did it.

"How do you feel? Tell me," she said.

"Mad!" he screamed. He stomped another can as hard as he could. It felt as good as the first one did.

She tried to get him to say why, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't make the words come out. When he went inside the house and broke Spencer's favorite knight, Emily made Aaron stay right by her all the time because he wasn't in control of himself. He hated that and he hated today.

When Nate and Cary got there, he pouted but still came and said hello because it was good manners and he never forgot good manners no matter what. He stared at Matthew, their boy who got adopted. He looked like an okay person but Aaron still didn't like him.

* * *

><p>"Hey, guys! Great to see you!" Emily said, embracing them both and then bending down to greet Matthew.<p>

He was beautiful with wide brown eyes and a Latino complexion similar to Nathaniel's. Emily knew from talking to Cary and Nate that Matthew was somewhere on the autism spectrum. Initially, they were told he was not communicative, that he would never speak or learn life skills, but they quickly learned that was not the case. Matthew perseverated on things in a way similar to Spencer. In fact, thanks to learning about Matthew, Emily wouldn't be surprised to find out Spencer was on the spectrum somewhere himself. He was distractible and preferred to be on a schedule and know what was going to happen when. But he was also engaging and smart, and could speak, but often echoed those of other people when asked a question.

"Hi, Matthew. I'm Emily. It's nice to meet you," she said softly.

"Nice to meet you," he echoed, looking somewhere above her head.

"This is Aaron," Emily said, gesturing to him, "and this is Spencer."

"What do you say?" Nathaniel coached softly from beside Matthew.

"What do you say thank you," Matthew rattled off, like a mantra.

Nathaniel smiled. "Nice to meet you," he coached and waited for Matthew to repeat the greeting. Then, he shook hands with Aaron and Spencer.

"Do you play chess?" Spencer asked, looking quizzically at the three visitors. "Emily tries, but she's not very good."

"Yeah, I play chess," Cary answered. "We'll have to play sometime."

"We can play right now! I got a chess board from Emily!" he said, rushing to his bedroom to retrieve it.

When he returned, though, Emily tried to delay Spencer's chess tournament a little and sent the boys out to play in the plastic pool in the yard. Matthew was enthralled with the water, and Spencer was terrified. Aaron insisted on splashing water out of the pool and sitting in a giant mud puddle.

* * *

><p>"You guys have no idea how good it is to see you. We've been going stir-crazy and the boys are both really losing it lately. Lots of stress and transitions."<p>

"Yeah, Matthew's a little over stimulated from all the action today. We prepped him for the trip and he was fine as long has we had _Finding Nemo_ to occupy him in the car," Cary rolled his eyes, smiling good naturedly.

"You drove here?" Emily asked, incredulous. "Isn't the drive something like ten hours?"

"It's exactly like ten hours," Nathaniel nodded. "I can now recite every word of that movie by heart."

"How's it going with Matthew? He seems to be over his fear of the water…" Emily observed.

"Yeah, he's great. A lot of it was just learning who he was and what worked for him. It wasn't really a fear of the water as much as it was a fear of a new place. Luckily, we've got Linus on our side, and Matthew loves Linus." Nathaniel smiled.

"The dog," Cary supplied.

"Well, I hope you don't mind, but I mentioned to some family friends that you were visiting and they invited us all over for dinner tonight. Would you and Matthew be okay with that?"

"Sounds great. Would your friends mind if we stopped by a little early to let him get acclimated?" Cary asked.

"Nope, I think they'd be just fine with that. I wasn't sure what Matthew liked and I know Dave loves making Italian, so I suggested pizza. Spencer won't be too thrilled, but I keep telling him he's got to experience more than green and brown foods. If I play the nutrition card with him, it usually works."

"Yeah, how _are_ Spencer and Aaron? Your E-mails and message board stuff make it sound like things are pretty rough lately."

Nathaniel's question was cut off abruptly. All three glanced up at Matthew's scream. Emily sighed and prepared herself to deal with Aaron, who was covered from head to toe in mud and was now covering Matthew as well. Spencer remained apart from both boys gathering sticks into a pile. At this point, Emily was just relieved that he was outside, and coping reasonably well.

"Aaron, come here please," Emily called.

He stomped over, caked with a layer of mud so thick it was starting to dry on him. He stopped and glared at her.

"Go tell Matthew you were wrong to put mud on him," Emily instructed, leaving no room for argument.

"He doesn't even understand words!" Aaron exploded. "Why should I?"

Emily took his hand and walked him over to where Matthew was losing it over being dirty. Cary had intervened and was doing his best to clean Matthew off, but it was a difficult chore.

"My mom and dad got _me _all dirty like that, and I didn't cry like a baby…" Aaron muttered darkly.

Emily got down and looked Aaron in the eye. "Matthew is a person, and you are a person. And we do not treat other people like that. That's why you need to tell him what you did is wrong. Did you like it when it happened to you?" Emily asked carefully.

"No," Aaron admitted, tears brimming in his eyes.

"Well, Matthew doesn't like it either. You hurt him the same way your parents hurt you. Is that right?"

"No, ma'am."

"Okay. Then what do you have to say to Matthew?" Emily asked, crossing her arms.

"It's wrong I got you dirty because it hurt your feelings and we don't treat people like that…" he said quietly.

* * *

><p>The rest of the afternoon passed relatively smoothly. Aaron was not allowed to move from Emily's side. Cary played countless games of chess against Spencer, and Emily offered her laptop so that Matthew could watch <em>Finding Nemo<em> with the headphones and decompress from his difficult day. Nathaniel stayed close, knowing Matthew was more at ease with a familiar face nearby.

"You're pretty good at this game," Cary complimented, as Spencer won again. "I'm not even letting you win and you're really kicking my butt."

"We don't say butt," Aaron put in sulkily at the same time as Spencer glanced up and observed with stoicism, "You're wearing black."

"Spencer, concentrate on what you're doing, okay? What have we been learning about your reaction to colors?" Emily asked, knowing she wouldn't have any luck redirecting him unless he reiterated what they had discussed over the last few months.

"I'm afraid of certain colors because I've been conditioned to fear them, not because they're actually dangerous," he parroted, setting up a new game.

"That's right," Emily said, smiling at Cary's raised eyebrow. She was so used to Spencer's verboseness that it didn't phase her anymore, but most people weren't used to four-year-olds with Spencer's abilities.

"You're not really _good_ at chess, but you're better than Emily," Spencer allowed.

* * *

><p>Dave could hardly wait for his house to be full of guests tonight. He and Carolyn had been so busy this summer they had rarely seen Emily and Aaron. And he had still only met Spencer a time or two. Emily's friends, Nathaniel, Cary and their son, Matthew, had already been by to take a tour of the house and spent a long time getting used to Dave, Carolyn and their kitchen, while Nathaniel mostly talked quietly to him about mundane things like what was going to happen this evening. Dave made a mental note to scale down the level of noise. If Matthew was on the spectrum, which, it appeared he was, he definitely didn't need new faces, a new place, and an intense amount of sensory input.<p>

When everyone arrived hours later, Carolyn greeted Emily, Aaron, Spencer, Nathaniel and Cary with hugs. She waved at Matthew and said hello. They learned a little about autism in their classes to be cleared to care for any of Emily's kids. Sensory input was often overwhelming and certain sounds, textures or sights could be too much for Matthew. And Emily had one or two kids on the spectrum. Spencer was most likely on it himself.

Aaron seemed to be in a bit of a funk tonight and Dave took him aside, saying they would have a chat while the rest got settled. Interestingly enough, Aaron took to Dave in JJ's absence, trusting him in the way a grandson might trust a grandfather, and Dave was glad to fill that role.

"What's going on, kiddo?" he asked leading Aaron into the living room. He took his notepad out, unable to break the habit from his days as a cop. It was also useful because it often helped Emily to have a more complete picture of his emotional state.

"I'm on restriction," he said in a tiny voice.

"I see. Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's not fair," Aaron interjected softly. "It's not fair that Matthew's adopted. Nate and Cary want him. Spencer's mom wants him. Nobody wants me…"

Aaron blinked back tears and Dave waited. His cop instincts served him well dealing with hurt kids. When Aaron leaned against his chest and sobbed, Dave carefully wrapped his arms around the little boy and held on.

"That's not true, you know? You are always wanted and welcome here, and at Emily's house and at church and school…" he reassured gently.

"But I don't have anybody who wants to be _mine,_" Aaron whispered, his voice hitching. I love having a home, but I want a family…and it's not fair that I don't get one…"

Dave let the silence grow, in case Aaron needed to say more. When he didn't, Dave filled it. "You're right. You're a great kid and you _deserve_ a family. There's no reason you shouldn't have one. You're not a bad kid, you just have bad days," he encouraged softly. "We all have bad days."

"I put mud on Matthew…" Aaron admitted guiltily.

Dave nodded. "We all do things we're not proud of. It's what we do afterward that's most important. How did you make it right?" he asked, knowing that if Emily had anything to say about it, Aaron had definitely dealt with his behavior.

"Told him it was wrong I did it, and then I didn't bother him the whole rest of today," Aaron said, taking a deep breath. "Because I'm on restriction," he added.

"Do you think you can handle yourself at dinner tonight?" Dave asked seriously. "How about if you sit right next to me at the table? Would that help?"

Aaron nodded. "Can we have pizza now?"

Together, they walked to the kitchen and Dave pulled a chair out beside him, where Aaron sat without complaint.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for having us over, you guys, this was really great," Cary said, grateful that just because they were no longer at Nathaniel's aunt's house didn't mean they had to be without amazing home cooked meals.<p>

"No problem. You all are welcome anytime," Carolyn answered.

"Why doesn't he talk normally?" Spencer asked, pointing at Matthew, who was scraping all toppings off his pizza and only eating the crust. "And why is he allowed to play with his food and you won't let me smash my peas?"

"Honey, that's not really polite," Emily said quietly.

"Why? I'm not asking to be rude. I'm asking because I want to know," Spencer insisted.

Cary smiled, letting Emily know he didn't mind the questions. "Matthew doesn't talk like you and I because it isn't something he's learned yet…and he's scraping the cheese off his pizza because he likes them separately, I guess,"

"I guess," Matthew echoed, stabbing his fork into the wad of cheese and pepperoni.

"I'm not allowed to do that," Spencer pointed out.

"Yes, and there are different things allowed in different houses," Emily elaborated.

"Yeah, like if you're in a cage in your old house, but in your new house you get a bed…" Aaron observed quietly, taking a bite of pizza.

Dave closed his eyes and reminded himself to pass along his notes from the conversation with Aaron. Emily needed to know just how badly Aaron was hurting.

**What do you guys think of Emily's guests? What about Aaron and Spencer? Get ready for another kid coming soon. You have a 50/50 chance of guessing right. Morgan or Garcia. Sound off in the comments. Thanks so much to everyone who is reading, commenting, alerting and favoriting. I especially love seeing what in particular you are enjoying in the story!**


	14. Derek

Emily was beyond grateful to Dave and Carolyn for volunteering to watch the boys so that she, Nathaniel and Cary could get an opportunity to visit. They stopped by the local coffee shop and purchased fruit smoothies, sitting outside to enjoy the evening.

"Looks like you've really got your hands full…" Cary observed. "Between Aaron and Spencer I don't know how you sleep…"

"Trust me, I don't either," Emily laughed. "It _is _hard, but it's so worth it when Spencer passes something black without a total meltdown, or when Aaron talks about what's bothering him instead of withdrawing. You guys seem pretty busy yourselves. Matthew keeps you on your toes, I'm sure."

"Absolutely," Nathaniel nodded. "But we love it. We love being parents and watching him achieve these things that no one thought he ever would. He understands English and Spanish. We're going to try integrating him into a third grade classroom part time next school year. I actually studied Special Education in college, and we were taught how beneficial it is to let neurotypical kids learn from kids with autism and vice-versa. They see things modeled in a way they don't from therapists and stuff. So it's a win-win."

"Sounds like it," Emily nodded. "I hope Carolyn and Dave are doing all right with the three of them…" she mused.

"I bet they are. They seem really on top of things. I'm pretty sure Matthew will be fine as long as he has some stuff he's familiar with, and he seemed to connect with Dave really well. How long have you known them?" Cary asked, curious.

"Since _I _was a teenager, actually. I was a bit of a bad seed and they really helped steer me in the right direction. If not for them I would have probably ended up in juvie or something," she laughed, only half-joking. "My parents weren't really involved in my life. They had their work overseas and I hated it. Moving every few years. Adjusting to new cultures and new groups of people… Dave and Carolyn were like second parents…like an anchor for me. They saved me from myself."

"Wow…then it's really an honor we got to meet them…" Nathaniel smiled. "They did a great job with you."

* * *

><p>"Matthew's taking all the cards!" Aaron exclaimed.<p>

Spencer sat back and observed. This situation wasn't working out at all. Matthew may have been older but there were many things he had not learned yet, and that made him frustrating to be around. Spencer, Aaron, Dave, Carolyn and Matthew - kind of - were trying to play a simple card game, but Matthew kept gathering up all of the cards and arranging them in different groups based on colors. There was a purple group, a red group and a green group. If anyone tried to take the cards back, he screamed.

"I _hate _him," Aaron announced, pouting. Aaron had been winning before Matthew took away his cards to add to his piles.

"Hey. I don't want to hear those words anymore. We don't hate people," Dave admonished, in a much gentler tone than Emily would have used.

"Well fine. I hate what he's _doing_, then!" Aaron insisted.

"Matthew? Your daddy, Cary, told me you like fish. Is that right?" Carolyn asked. Spencer watched, intrigued that she was honestly expecting an answer. Matthew of course, didn't give one. He just said, "That right?" in the exact same tone of voice Carolyn used.

"He likes the Pixar film _Finding Nemo_," Spencer supplied helpfully, and this time, Matthew did react. He smiled as he arranged a stray purple card with the others.

"Would you like to see some real fish in our aquarium?" Carolyn asked, approaching Matthew and talking to him quietly.

"_I_ wouldn't… Not unless you got a real live viperfish in there…" Aaron said moodily.

"How would you like to come and see my coin collection?" Dave asked Aaron. "What year were you born? I bet I've got a coin from then," Dave said, smiling.

"If they don't come," Aaron bargained, pointing offensively at Spencer and Matthew. Dave did invite them to see the coins, too, and that was nice of him. Spencer was learning about sharing. It wasn't always easy to do and Dave was being very generous.

It was difficult for Spencer to settle on seeing coins or seeing live fish. When Aaron glared at him like he wanted Spencer to disappear, he figured the fish were a better option. Moreover, he had seen plenty of coins in his life, but never a fish.

It took some coaxing by both Carolyn and Spencer, who kept mentioning Nemo, hoping that was enough incentive to take Matthew away from the Skip-Bo cards. Finally, they managed to lead him to the other room, where Dave and Carolyn's aquarium was. Spencer was in awe. He'd never seen live fish. Matthew bounced up and down and made a strange sound in the back of his throat.

"Angelfish," Spencer said, pointing to the appropriate fish swimming by.

"Angelfish," Matthew repeated, in a strange cadence.

"Goldfish," Spencer continued, pointing it the bright orange fish and not even feeling afraid. It was fun to teach Matthew. It was fun that Matthew wanted to learn.

"Goldfish," Matthew echoed, moving his right hand back and forth, like it was a fish swimming through water.

Spencer listened carefully as Carolyn pointed out all the different kinds of fish. He paid attention so he could repeat the names for Matthew and Matthew always said exactly what Spencer taught him.

It made him feel proud. And it made Spencer sure that Matthew was in fact, very smart. Like Emily taught him. Smart didn't mean that you had all the answers. Smart meant that you were always open to learning, listening, and asking the right questions.

* * *

><p>"Anyway, enough about me," Emily insisted after going on for entirely too long about herself and Dave and Carolyn. "How are you guys? Nathaniel, how's your art? Cary, how's the text for your children's book coming?"<p>

"The text is fabulous. Matthew and Linus are great inspiration. The challenge is making it universal so that kids like Matthew can understand it and other kids in his situation can relate to it, too. It has to have mass-appeal."

"Well, Matt's adorable. I don't see how he doesn't have mass-appeal…" Emily commented easily.

"That's what _I _told him," Nate insisted, looking at Cary. "You don't need to worry when you've got Matthew and Linus as inspiration."

"Okay…I have to ask… Where did the name Linus come from? Who names their dog that?" Emily wondered.

"When I got him for Nathaniel a couple years ago, he was just a puppy and when I brought him home, he was really attached to this scrap of fabric. So…Linus just seem to fit…" Cary shrugged.

"I'm sorry, I still don't understand," Emily said apologetically.

"Charlie Brown and Snoopy? Peanuts?" When Emily persisted in looking clueless, Cary filled her in. "There's this cartoon, Charlie Brown, about a kid named Charlie Brown. He's got a dog named Snoopy and a friend, Linus, who carries a blanket around with him everywhere."

"Oh, I see!" Emily's smile broadened. "That's cute! I'm sorry, like I said, I lived all over the world growing up and I must have missed that…" she trailed off as her mind started to wander to more serious things.

"Emily? What is it?" Nathaniel asked. "You've been distracted all night."

"I'm sorry…I just keep thinking about the boys," she set her empty cup aside and looked at them. "I need you to be honest with me. I'm thinking about adopting both of them. Is that crazy?" she asked.

"Yes," Cary and Nate chorused.

"Come on, seriously!" Emily insisted.

"It _is_ crazy," Cary repeated, but everyone told us we were crazy, too, adopting an eight-year-old who couldn't tell us what he wanted, rarely slept, and is still working on using silverware when he's hungry and basic bladder control…but it's the best decision we've ever made. It's great to have a family, since mine isn't what you'd call supportive of my marriage…and I know for Nathaniel, he loves the opportunity to help someone else through trauma…"

"It's more proactive," Nathaniel admitted softly. "You know, than focusing on my own all the time. If you sit with the trauma, it becomes you, instead of you learning to find out who you are on the other side of it, and knowing that I'm different now, yes. But I'm not any less. That's what I want to teach my son."

Emily nodded, not quite believing that she had forgotten the things Nate divulged in a recent E-mail. His background as a victim in an attack on his college campus five years earlier. He had been a target, and he several of his friends had barely escaped with their lives.

"Yeah, I can understand that," Emily swallowed. Wasn't that exactly why she decided to foster? To make up for her reckless teenage pregnancy and subsequent abortion? To prove to herself that she still could be a mother, though she could never bring herself to have natural children after what she had done.

"Seriously. Make sure you have adequate support around you. More than just Dave and Carolyn. Keep in touch with all the support groups and stuff. Make sure it's a realistic option for you, and then, if it is, go for it," Nate smiled. "Knowing you, you've already considered all of that and you know it's possible. There's no reason those boys shouldn't have the opportunity to have you as their mother."

Emily cleared her throat and blinked back tears. She took a sip of pineapple mango smoothie to soothe the lump in her throat. "How old are you again?" Emily asked, forcing a laugh.

"Twenty-five," Nathaniel supplied, lacing his fingers through Cary's.

"Twenty-nine," Cary added with a disarming smile.

"God, I have a lot to learn from you…" Emily laughed.

* * *

><p>It was halfway through September when Derek's life fell apart for the second time in two years.<p>

The first time, his parents died right in front of him in a bank robbery. Before he'd known what was happening, they had insisted Derek get down underneath a table, and then blocked all the open spaces with full sized chairs. He heard the shots. He heard his parents screaming. Derek held his breath, remembering the last thing they had said to him:

"_Don't move. We'll come for you when it's over."_

But they never came, and it was never over.

Derek had pushed his way out of the hiding place and sneaked out when there was no more noise. His parents were gone. He knew that with one look. So, Derek pretended he had never been there. He walked out and proceeded down the street like he was much older than ten, with his parents' identification tucked in his pockets. He didn't want to go into state care. So he became anonymous and made the decision to stay well below the radar, avoiding cops or anything that might connect him with Fran and Joseph Morgan. Derek had been sure he could take care of himself. That's what he believed, at least until he tried to actually live on his own. After two weeks of living on the street, he was hungry and desperate. A saving grace came just in time.

Luck was on his side, or so he'd thought. A family friend found out Derek was on his own, and took him in. No questions asked. No paper work. No social workers. It was a relief at first, and then a nightmare. Nights were full of money changing hands. The bastard of a family friend using the money for drugs. There were strange rooms. Strange men. All Derek wanted was for it to stop, but when it did, and this guy, Jason Gideon, came to take him into protective custody, Derek was two years older and a thousand years wiser.

When Gideon promised to get Derek help - promised he would never allow what happened previously to happen to Derek again - Derek knew that Gideon was full of crap. He knew better than to trust anybody. Not even his own parents had been able to keep their word to him, so why should anyone else?

When he arrived at the red brick house in the middle of the night, Derek felt like a shadow of himself. When the lady with dark hair spoke to him - addressed him by name - Derek glanced up sharply. No one had called him by name in so long…

"Derek? I'm Emily Prentiss… Come on in. I want you to know that you're safe here. No one's going to hurt you," she said, like she actually believed it.

He could read the doubt in her eyes. The fear. He knew instantly, without her speaking a word. Jason Gideon had a bad habit of talking low and creepy like the men, and getting loud and careless when he forgot Derek was listening. This was how Derek knew that Emily Prentiss had not really wanted him. That she was afraid of him. That she had two little boys and because of Derek's background, she feared for their safety. This was a trial run.

If she knew him at all, hell, if Gideon knew him at all, they'd know that just the thought of doing what had been done to him to anyone else made Derek physically ill. Obviously they didn't know him. Obviously, no one cared to know him. So he kept his mouth shut, knowing he was damaged. Knowing everything was temporary. Knowing he'd most likely be out of here in a week.

He fell into the bed next door to Emily's room and very nearly shook with relief. For the first time in years, he had a bed to himself that was clean. It didn't smell like the men or the horror that he'd lived through. Despite the fact that he felt like he could finally breathe, Derek knew he could never fully let down his guard.

So, he crept out of bed and placed the placed the desk chair beneath the door handle - a futile attempt to keep out unwanted night visitors.

**A/N: Those of you who guessed Derek were so right on! Cookies for everybody, except, they're invisible, so there's that. Hope you continue to get a lot out of the story. Feel free to let me know your thoughts, or ideas, you never know what might make it in! Thanks so much for your awesome support.**


	15. Tiger

Derek opened his eyes and squinted. It took some time before he remembered coming here last night. The hospital had been hell. He had to be examined and he didn't give a shit what anybody said - it felt just the same as before. After all that, he was diagnosed with two STDs and given antibiotics to treat both.

Before the hospital had been unspeakable. Here, at least, he got to get out of a little bit. Sneaking out the bedroom window hadn't been hard - not even with the lady sleeping in the next room over. He spent hours walking the residential streets. He hurt, but it didn't matter. It wasn't like he was planning on staying out here. Before he could decide what to do, though, some old dude in a car pulled up alongside him.

Forcing himself into the relaxed posture that all the men liked, Derek ambled up to the car and leaned into the window. He felt sick, but couldn't stop himself. It was like this was ingrained in him now.

"You lookin' for some action?" Derek asked, a strange lilt to his voice.

"I'm retired DC cop David Rossi," the man said seriously. "I live just up the road from Emily Prentiss. I hear you just moved in. Derek, right?"

Derek's eyes got wide. He took a few steps back, and thought fast. He couldn't run. Not hurt like he was. Then, he took a deep breath. If he couldn't escape, it was always best to play along.

"I can be whoever you want…" Derek said, smiling like he really meant it.

Something flashed in the old cop's eyes. "I'm not gonna hurt you, son. Emily woke up and saw you were missing. She asked me to come out and look for you. Listen, I'm gonna call her, okay?" he didn't wait. He just hit one button on his speed dial. "Emily? Yeah, I found him. He seems fine. But he seems to think I'm…looking for something from him." He took the phone away from his ear and offered it to Derek. "She wants to talk to you."

"Yeah," he said, the act falling away. His real voice was soft and sad. He never said much. This Emily would have to deal with that.

"Derek. Listen. Dave's a friend of mine. He's used to be a policeman and I've known him for a long time. He's not going to hurt you. He doesn't want anything from you. I want you to get in the car and let him drive you back here. Do you understand?"

"Sure," he said, barely a whisper. He handed the phone back and purposely got in the back, behind the passenger seat. If Dave tried anything, Derek could always bail. Who cared if the car was moving? It would just speed up what he wanted more than anything anyway… To see his mom and dad…

* * *

><p>Emily was awakened by a soft tap on her door. She looked at the clock on her bedside table. 5:15 AM. Not even Aaron got up this early. Not unless something was terribly wrong. Hitting the light, and throwing on her robe, just in case it wasn't Aaron, Emily opened the door. Derek stood on the other side, in only boxer shorts. He was slight and small, puberty seemed distant. After his adventures a few hours ago and Dave having to pick him up, Emily was positive Derek would be sleeping well into the day, but that didn't seem to be the case.<p>

"What do I um… What do I gotta do for you to take me to school today?" he hedged, sounding nervous. She wondered if he even realized how incongruous his body language was from his tone of voice. He stood relaxed, braced on the doorframe, but he couldn't look her in the eye.

Emily thought fast. She wasn't trained specifically in what to do when her brand new twelve-year-old came to her door inappropriately dressed and inquired about what abuse he had to endure before being allowed the dignity of going to school. "You don't have to do anything," she told him certainly. Then, she firmly closed her bedroom door, and walked out to the living room. She offered him the throw blanket from the back of the couch, relieved when he took it and wrapped it around himself.

"The middle school doesn't start for three hours," she said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, well, I just thought… You know, in case… I thought you might want some extra time…" he said quietly.

"You don't have to worry about that here. I'm not going to hurt you. I'll drive you to school when you're feeling better. All you're expected to do is get yourself up, make your bed, take a shower if you'd like and put your clothes on. We don't walk around the house without a shirt and pants or shorts. So, from this point on, I want you dressed. Your privacy absolutely will be respected here. And I expect the same of you."

"I'm not gonna hurt your boys, ma'am…" Derek said, looking her in the eye.

Emily blinked, surprised by his straight-forwardness. "No, you're not," she repeated, not able to completely let her guard down around him. "I will take you to school, all right? But for now, since I know you're feeling sick, you can stay here for a few days until you feel stronger. You don't have to worry about anything."

"It's no big deal," he shrugged, his voice barely audible.

"You have Chlamydia and gonorrhea, Derek. That's not your fault, but it _is _a very big deal. Please, go back to sleep for a while, okay? You need to rest. I'll make sure the boys don't bother you. But they're seven and four, so a little noise comes with the territory, I'm afraid…"

"Good night…or…good morning, I guess," he said, walking away with the blanket draped across his shoulders just as JJ had months before.

Emily waited until Derek's door closed and then she went outside to be sure the screen was in his window. She waited out there a few minutes to make sure he didn't try sneaking out and then made her way back inside. It had been a while since she last painted, and with Spencer and Aaron starting school today, and Derek staying home, Emily doubted she would get any art in for a while.

She stared at the blank canvas for a while but could not conjure anything to represent Derek. His background was so horrific. It seemed impossible that he would have energy leftover to have any hobbies at all. She wondered what kind of boy he'd been at ten, before his parents' deaths. Slowly, Emily started. The eyes came first - deep, dark and sad as Derek's - and then the rest. The whiskers. The sharp teeth. The black stripes. Like something with its freedom stolen.

Derek was a tiger.

* * *

><p>"I'm starting <em>first grade<em>!" Spencer announced, happier than he had ever been. He had never gotten to go to school before. And Emily told him all summer how it would be a big adventure and he would get to be around lots of kids and his teacher would teach him a lot of things. Some things he would know, but the other kids wouldn't. Some things would be unfamiliar to him, but all the other kids would know. Emily said that was okay. Emily said, they would help each other and that's what school was about. Helping and learning.

"So?" Aaron asked, quietly. "I'm starting third grade," he stirred his cereal and thought about offering it to Sergio. He didn't want to go to school again without JJ. It was too hard.

"I'm getting adopted," Spencer said, matter-of-factly, taking a bite of Life cereal. He cast a loving look at Emily. Some days, he really missed his mother, the literature professor. But other days, he was excited about getting a new mom.

"So?" Aaron exploded. "I don't care! I'm getting adopted, too! So, what? It just means that our real moms and dads didn't want us anymore!"

"Being adopted means I love you and I want you to be my sons. Now, I need you to use your inside voices. Somebody new moved in last night when you were sleeping. His name is Derek and he's not feeling well, and we need to be quiet so he can rest."

"How old is he?" Spencer asked, pushing his glasses up on his nose, and glancing down happily at his green shirt. Emily approved his wearing it, but warned him that kids would wear all colors at school and he couldn't panic when he saw them.

"He's twelve," Emily answered, taking a sip of her coffee.

Spencer wished _he_ could drink coffee.

"Did he get beat up? Is that why he had to come here? Are you going to adopt him, too?" Aaron asked, worried.

"Those kinds of details are personal. You wouldn't like it if every new kid asked you what brought you here, would you?" she asked. "And Derek's very new to everything right now. I don't know if he'd be ready to discuss adoption."

Aaron slumped in his chair. He didn't want another brother. He didn't even want Spencer.

"That's not a no…" Spencer observed, smiling slyly at Emily. "I think a twelve-year-old brother could be very useful in this family."

"You do, do you?" Emily asked, joining the boys at the table. "How so?"

"Well, if he's tall, he could help us reach things, and if he's strong, he could move heavy things. And if he's good at chess or playing knights, he could play with me!"

"Can I stay home, like Derek?" Aaron asked.

"No," Emily said. "You are going to school, so you can have a great day and tell me all about it."

"Can I call JJ?" Aaron hesitated. It was a school day, so Emily would probably say no, but he had to try. He could see her thinking about it, and decided to help her along. "I'll be really fast. Just say hi and bye, okay?"

"All right," Emily agreed, and dialed the phone to hand to Aaron.

"Hello, is JJ there? This is Aaron, her brother." he said and waited. Then he gave the phone back to Emily, blinking back tears. "He said JJ doesn't have a brother."

Spencer watched as Emily's face changed into a mask hiding her anger. "Did you talk to JJ's dad? He probably meant biologically, honey, he didn't mean anything by it."

* * *

><p>Derek listened from the bedroom, curious now that he'd heard the name JJ. He reached in the space between the bed and the wall and pulled out the wrinkled sheet of notebook paper. He tried to imagine a girl in this room, but couldn't. It looked like a boy's room, totally, because Emily enough notice in advance to change it from however it looked before. He imagined Emily cleaning the room, and missing the piece of paper. Derek found it after he came back from talking to Emily, and read it probably a thousand times since then. It gave a little bit of hope. Not a lot, but just enough to get through right this minute.<p>

He took a deep breath and read it again, until he had committed every word to memory. Then, Derek shoved the note back between the bed and the wall, reciting it in his head, and trying to believe the words.

_Whoever has this room after me,_

_If you are here, that means some bad stuff probably happened to you. I stayed in this room before you. Bad stuff happened in my life too. Emily is a tough lady. She doesn't let you off easy, but she lets you make your own choices, even if they are bad ones. She helps you learn right from wrong and how to make it up if you hurt someone else. She is not joking when she says you are safe. You really are. This house is the safest place I've ever been. If you can't trust her yet, trust me. It will get better. _

_Love, JJ (age 11)_

**A/N: It's been nine months since Emily started taking in this round of kids. Instead of just one, she's had four. What are your thoughts on Derek, Aaron and Spencer? How about JJ's note? Thanks so much for all the reviews and welcome to the new people who may have just discovered What Makes a Family! Hope you continue to get a lot out of it!**


	16. Wrong

Derek's least favorite thing about living here was the lack of privacy. Once the little boys learned he was there, they insisted on coming in his room all the time. Spencer took things without asking and Aaron just hung out there all the time. Derek didn't feel like he could do anything, or speak up about it, because he already knew Emily had her eye on him. Plus, there was always the chance that Emily liked things that some of the other adults in his life liked. So he tried to stay out of her way as much as possible.

It was easy to do that now that he was at school and off the stupid antibiotics. Seventh grade was okay. Derek wasn't really interested in school, plus, he didn't know what's going on half the time. He doubted that Emily knew he hadn't been to school since the fifth grade. He didn't go to sixth grade at all and now he was a year behind and he felt it. Plus it was his first year in middle school and he couldn't figure out how to do the code to get in his locker.

Gym class looked fun until he finds out the unit they'll be starting on. Swimming. Derek didn't even think that was possible. He didn't think schools could have pools. They weren't like fancy hotels, and this school was about a billion years old. Soon, it was a month into school and swimming had started up. First, Derek said he didn't own a swimming suit, which was true. Then, he lied about being sick. That was half-true. He was sick when he first came here.

But by now, the teacher was insisting Derek get in the water with the rest of the class or he'd get an F. This class was all participation and he wasn't participating. Today the teacher, Mr. Kemp, handed him plain swim trunks. He had shifty eyes that Derek didn't trust.

Derek walked in the locker room full of boys and waited until all of them left. He took his time and kept his shirt on, too. He didn't want anybody seeing his skin.

"Aw, are you shy, Derek?" one girl asked when he finally showed his face by the pool. "Look, he's still got his shirt on!"

"Morgan! That's not appropriate attire! Lose the shirt unless you've got a doctor's note, and then get in the water with the other students."

Derek stood his ground. He knew his body was his own personal property from going to the shrink all the damn time. If that really was true, then the gym teacher had no right to force a kid to undress.

He walked to the edge of the pool and let his legs hang in. The water was cold, but he slid in.

"Morgan! Principal's office!" Mr. Kemp yelled, his voice reverberating off the tile. "Now!"

So Derek got out of the pool. Just like he hoped, he didn't have to swim.

* * *

><p>By the second day in school, Spencer had already memorized all 330 sight words and how to spell them. Now, school has been in session for almost a month. He tried to listen and pay attention in class but it was really boring. And it was hard to focus with all the kids wearing every color. Usually, he was okay with this, but sometimes it still made him nervous. Especially when a kid in a black jacket bumped into him in line this morning. Spencer swallowed his scream, but he was watching for signs of trouble.<p>

It's October and that was a big sign all by itself. Spencer hated Halloween because it combined his least favorite colors and he had to stare at them for a whole month or more. When the class did art projects, Spencer colored his pumpkin pink and brown and gave it a green stem.

"Your pumpkin's a girl!" a boy named Michael exclaimed, starting to laugh. "Didn't your mom ever teach you normal colors?"

"People sometimes think pumpkins are vegetables, but really, they're fruits," Spencer said, because he couldn't think of anything else to say. Then, he did. "And fruit doesn't have a sex."

"Ooh! Mrs. Harvey! Spencer said s-e-x!" Michael yelled, making Spencer embarrassed. He didn't have a mother anymore. His mother the literature professor signed away her rights and Emily hadn't yet adopted him because she was waiting for Aaron's court case that would free him for adoption, too. He didn't have a biological mother or an adoptive mother.

"Spencer, is that true?" Mrs. Harvey asked, her face very serious.

"Yes, but I was talking about biological sex not the act of sex," he explained. All around him kids gasped and giggled. He said something wrong, that much was clear. He looked away. Everyone told him he was smart, but this was proof that he wasn't smart at all. He was really ignorant. It made him feel very small.

"We don't say that word in here. I want you to go and put your head down on your desk, she told him, directing him away from the art center. He didn't like the art center anyway, but he did like doing what the other kids were doing. He wished Aaron were in his class. Aaron was nice to him. Well, sometimes. At least, he didn't make fun of Spencer and get him in trouble for stating a fact. That was the dumbest reason Spencer ever heard of for getting in trouble. But then again, if Spencer wasn't smart, it was probably appropriate that he got in trouble for a stupid reason.

No one was watching him so Spencer sat down and brought his head down harder than necessary on his desk. The pain matched how he felt inside, but only a little. He did it again and again. He tried to think of what Emily told him the first time he did it at her house, but he couldn't remember. His brain was too full and his body had too much stress inside to hold it all. Mrs. Harvey came over and told him to stop but Spencer wouldn't. Not until he was ready.

* * *

><p>In Aaron's third grade class with Ms. Meyers, they were learning about families and reporting stuff. They were going to write a story about all the stuff they found out. How their family was alike and different from them. It was just the kind of project Aaron didn't like.<p>

How was he supposed to answer the question, _What does your mom like to do?_ The only one that was worse than that was, _What does your dad like to do?_ He was pretty sure if he said they liked to trap him in fence wire and boxes and put him outside in the dirt he would get in trouble. But Emily wasn't his mom yet, so she didn't count. Aaron didn't have any brothers or sisters either. He didn't count Spencer or Derek because they didn't have the same mom as him.

He excused himself to the reading corner and sits on a beanbag chair. Before Mrs. Meyers noticed him, another kid did, named Christopher. Aaron hoped that coming to third grade would mean more friends, but so far, that didn't happen. No one cared when he told them about the things he liked…books and Dave's coin collection… They all liked sports. Christopher was popular. He invited all the kids to his birthday party except for Aaron.

"Why aren't you doing the project, jerk face?" Christopher asked, so only Aaron could hear. "I bet it's because you don't even have a real family, do you? My dad says, your mom and dad hated you or something. They saw on the news there's this thing going on for these parents that tortured their kid. My mom and dad saw you at third grade orientation and your bitchy step-mom or whoever. They're sure it's you. No wonder you're not doing the project, huh? No wonder you don't have a family. I wouldn't want some reject weirdo kid like you to be my son."

Mrs. Meyers was talking to them and coming over. She was telling them to get back to work.

Aaron didn't think. He just clenched his fist and swung.

* * *

><p>Emily was doing her best to get caught up on some of her paintings and housework when her phone started ringing. She had just retrieved Derek for insubordination, clothed in a wet tee shirt and school-issue swim trunks. Then, the elementary school called. Spencer was being self-destructive. While she was picking him up, having trusted Derek to stay put in the car, she caught sight of Aaron being delivered to the principal's office. When she inquired about as his guardian, Emily was told that he punched another boy and given him a bloody nose. As fighting was not permitted, Aaron was now on a three-day suspension and she was asked to take him home as well.<p>

Emily clenched the steering wheel. What were the odds that all three boys would be in trouble on the same day? She took a deep breath and tried to gather her composure. She stared at the morose faces in the rearview mirror. None of them would meet her eye.

"I hope you're ready to work, because that's exactly what's going to happen when you get home. I have a lot of chores around the house I haven't gotten to yet."

Nothing.

At home, she sent Derek to clean the bathroom. Emily assigned Aaron to wash dishes and Spencer to help her fold laundry. They worked quietly until Derek called out plaintively.

"What you want me to do when I'm done?"

Emily came to give his work a once over and the sent him back to it when she noticed he hadn't removed anything from the surface of the sink before cleaning it. "Take everything off the sink and then clean it. Then put everything back where you found it," she instructed.

"You sure that's it? That's all you want me to do?"

Something in his tone made her stop and look at him. He was leering at her in a way that made her skin crawl. "Yes, I'm positive, Derek. Don't put words in my mouth, all right?"

She left him alone and tended to Aaron who was sniffling over his sink full of suds. She listened as he cried but refused to tell her specifics about what happened. She wrapped her arms around his thin shoulders and held him close, until a scream split the air that sent Emily running.

Spencer had lost it, throwing laundry and himself on the hardwood floor and insisting that he was "too stupid" to finish folding washcloths. So Emily sat down with him, trying for patience as she explained again how he needed to remember to use his words when he was frustrated. She made sure she had a direct line of sight to the kitchen to keep an eye on Aaron.

"The kids all laughed!" Spencer sobbed, burying his face in her shirt.

"Yes, I heard. Did that hurt your feelings?" she wondered.

"Yes! Because…I …just…said…that fruit…doesn't…have…a sex!" he wailed.

Emily cocked her head, confused. She didn't want to know how Spencer had come to utter that sentence in the first grade classroom but she knew she had to ask. "Why did you say that?"

"Because it's true!" he bawled, wiping his nose on Emily's sleeve. "Fruit can't be a boy or a girl! And Michael said my pumpkin was a _girl_. But it wasn't a girl it was just pink! And pink is just a color! _You said that!_" he insisted, seeming to lose control even more.

"I _did_ say that, honey. You know why? Because it's true. And you're absolutely right. Fruit is just fruit. It can't be boy or girl, can it?"

Spencer shook his head.

"It sounds like you're very frustrated and confused," Emily said, feeling sympathy for him. He nodded against her, still crying. It was easy to forget that he was only four years old. Barely out of toddler hood. "I'm very sorry you feel that way, okay, buddy? And I'm very sorry those kids hurt your feelings by laughing. Kids don't often know definitions of words like you do, and a lot of times, they're silly or inappropriate about what they don't understand. That's why Mrs. Harvey didn't want you using the word sex, even though you know the definition very well and used it correctly. It was more so the other kids didn't act silly, okay?"

Emily glanced up to see Aaron standing in front of them with the box of Kleenex. Emily pulled him to her and held them both, thanking Aaron for doing his chore so quickly and for being kind when Spencer was feeling sad.

It was a long time before she got up to check on Derek's progress. When she did, she found the bathroom spotless.

Derek stood in the doorway - with a clear view of the living room - of her and the boys. Hurt showed undeniably in his eyes.

"How come you don't love me that way?" he asked.

**A/N: Oh, gosh, you guys... Derek's breaking my heart. Everybody had a super-rough day. But just to make things a little happier, I decided something. Whoever is the 100th reviewer will get a prize. In the form of a story. All you have to do if you suspect you are number 100 is include a story prompt idea and a character. Put it in your review or send me a PM with it. Then I'll write you a story. You're all so awesome and encouraging! Thank you!**


	17. Halloween

Derek regretted saying the words the second they were out of his mouth. He knew he didn't deserve any kind of special treatment. He'd only been here a month anyway. Spencer and Aaron had been here way longer, so of course they would get more affection. Plus, Derek was pretty sure that neither one of them had done the kind of thing he had done. They didn't come here with sick diseases. They hadn't been with thirteen different grown-ass people.

He was about to excuse himself when Emily spoke. "I don't love you any less than I love them. I'm sorry it feels that way. I love you all the way a mother loves her children - equally and without measure. Part of my job taking care of you is to do what's best for you. Because of your background, I know it's possible for you to misinterpret physical touch and I want you to know you're safe here. That will not happen to you because I'm protecting you. It's part of what it means to be a part of a family."

"I've been in a family. I know exactly how it is. My parents loved me the way you love those boys. And then something bad happened and they _tried_ to protect me. You know what happened instead?" he hissed. "They died a few feet away from me. I had to take care of myself. So you can tell me all this shit if you want about protection and families and love bein' the same, but I know it ain't the same. I see the way you look at them. I hear how you talk. You call 'em names like my mama used to call me. Honey and buddy and you ask 'em what's wrong. You ask 'em what hurts. You tell 'em everything's gonna be okay. But you never do that with me. You let them come into my room and take my stuff without asking! You look at me like I'm one of the damn people that hurt me! But I'm not the same as them, Emily! I know it's wrong and I don't know why they did it! I don't want you to touch me, it's not about that…" Derek swallowed. "You know what? Just forget I said anything. It doesn't matter." He sighed, ready to just get the hell away from her.

"You're my first twelve-year-old boy," Emily admitted. "For a long time I only took kids up to eight. Then I slowly expanded to take girls, who were a little older, but I've never had an older boy in the house, and it's taking a little getting used to."

She softened her tone, Derek noticed, but he did his best not to care. She only did it after he had to ask it of her. If she really cared, she would have known he needed that from the beginning. But she was telling the truth.

"You're nervous 'cause I'm twelve?" he asked, tentatively, skeptically. "'Cause I heard my caseworker say you didn't want me in the house because of what I been through. You're nervous about me doin' to them what was done to me." He stared at her, willing her to deny it.

"That is true. It takes time to get to know a person. I shouldn't have prejudged you but when it comes to safety of children, you can never be too careful."

"But _I'm _a kid, too," he said, staring at the carpet. "You're all focused on protecting them. Well, what about me?"

"I will do everything in my power to protect you while you are in my home. Things happen. I won't lie and pretend they don't." She paused and drew in a deep breath. "And I haven't done the best I could by you. I am sorry about that. There is no excuse. I should be giving you opportunities to talk and share, just like the little boys. I'm sorry. I'm sure your parents told you that sometimes adults make mistakes. This is a big one on my part. All I can do is start from now and make the choice to do better."

Derek waited, silent.

"Do you want to talk about what happened today?" she asked, grateful that Spencer and Aaron were occupied dragging out toys.

Derek shrugged. "Not really. It's embarrassing."

Emily paused, taking a moment before she answered. She thought about everything she knew regarding Derek. He was quiet and withdrawn. He was not confrontational. He was helpful, often without being asked. Insubordination didn't fit his personality. She got an idea of what happened based on his attire and what the principal passed on, but she wanted to hear it from Derek.

"You're not disobedient," Emily observed. "Which means something very significant must have happened…"

"I don't wanna talk about it. But if I had a question… Well, it's more like a favor… Could I just ask you, and not have to worry about…you know…payin' you back?" Derek wondered, casting a nervous glance her way.

Emily closed her eyes, repulsed at what he was implying. The mere idea that he had been forced to pay back anyone for the simple act of asking a question was sickening, but Emily kept it together. She didn't want Derek misinterpreting her anger as being directed at him.

"I won't make you talk about what happened if it makes you uncomfortable. And you can certainly ask me a question. You don't have to give me anything in return," she said, keeping her voice steady.

Derek glanced at her, clearly nervous. "I wanna ask if you can make it so I can swim with a shirt on. They said I need a doctor's note, but I don't wanna go back to the doctor…" he said softly.

"I'll talk to your gym teacher personally," Emily promised. "I don't see why you can't wear your gym uniform shirt to swim in." She took a breath and surveyed the spotless bathroom. "Thanks for doing such a nice job on this. I appreciate it."

"Yeah," he answered, looking away. "Is it cool if I go to my room now?"

"I'd like you to stay and be a part of things here," Emily insisted gently. The last thing she needed was for Derek to continue isolating himself from the rest of them. Contrary to his assurance that he knew what family was about, Emily had a strong suspicion that the last two years had twisted a lot of what he used to believe. "But if you need a break, I understand."

"No, I can…I just…thought it'd be better if I stayed out of the way."

"It's better if we're together. We need each other, especially on days like today. We're a team."

Derek's lips twitched a little. "Like baseball?" he asked.

"Sure. Do you like baseball?" she asked, leading the way out to the living room, to start redirecting Aaron and Spencer toward cleaning up and a few more chores.

"Yeah. I was on a team, before…" he ventured, looking hopeful for the first time.

"You were? I'll have to see if I can get you on one again, huh? Does that sound like a plan?"

"Sure," he said, a ghost of a smile touching his lips.

* * *

><p>On Halloween, it was a Saturday and Spencer wanted to sleep forever. That way he wouldn't need to see the orange and black and all the people dressed up in costumes. Derek thought it was creepy, too. Derek understood things that Aaron and Emily didn't. He was getting to be Spencer's first friend.<p>

He tried all the things Emily suggested when he went to the park, or out to recess at school. He approached kids, told them his name and asked if they would like to play. If it was at school, no one would. If it were at the park, they would play with him a little and then play with somebody else instead. It was hard work making friends - especially friends who were interested in what Spencer liked. Knights and dragons and chess and good books.

But Derek listened when Spencer talked, and he told Spencer when it was another person's turn so that Spencer would know and not make people mad. That's why Spencer forced himself to get up on Halloween day and make his way to Derek's room. He knocked on the door because it was polite. He was five now. He turned five on October 9th and that meant he had to do five-year-old things, like knocking before he came into a room. Emily said it was the right thing to do. He thought about his special owl painting that Emily gave him on his birthday. The one with brown feathers in green woods with pink morning light streaming down on him. Spencer thought it might be okay to dress like an owl, but then shivered, thinking about having to be awake all night. Spencer didn't like the dark.

"What's up, kid?" Derek asked, scratching his head. It was very early - 6:30 in the morning - but Spencer couldn't sleep. It didn't matter how much he wanted to. So he had left Aaron alone in their room and come to find Derek.

"I don't want it to be Halloween," he sighed, climbing onto Derek's bed.

"I thought you wanted to be an owl or somethin'…" Derek remembered, yawning.

"Well, I did. But I don't want my head to spin around 360 degrees like _The Exorcist_, and I don't want to stay awake all night long. I hate the night."

"I know," Derek said. "I hate dressing up. Maybe we can ask Emily to stay home. Unless Aaron likes Trick-or-Treating…then, maybe, we should go…"

"This is a really big problem…" Spencer sighed. "Hey you know what helps me think?"

"Didn't think you needed any help with that…" Derek said, smiling.

"Not usually, but sometimes I do…" Spencer nodded seriously. "Anyway, what helps me is reading a great book. Will you read with me?"

Derek closed his eyes like he felt stressed. "Kid, if it was Dr. Seuss I'd do it, but I can't read your Shakespeare stuff…"

"You can, you just won't." Spencer got off the bed and stood thoughtfully in the middle of the room. "To be an owl, or not to be an owl. That is the question," he said, and Derek laughed.

* * *

><p>Aaron was so excited about costumes. Ever since he found them under the stairs, he couldn't wait to try them all on so he could decide what he wanted to be. He tried everything, but his most favorite was the black pirate hat with the red feather. He found an eye-patch and a costume and a parrot to go with it. He ate Halloween breakfast in the costume, and talked like a pirate.<p>

Things were okay now because Aaron got moved to a new classroom. They had a Halloween party yesterday and Aaron got to wear his costume. Spencer cried at his and didn't wear any special outfit. He just came as himself.

Aaron couldn't wait to get a lot of candy. This would be a great day. That's what he thought until he came in the kitchen in his pirate costume and Spencer started crying and ran into the other room. Emily went after him, so Aaron sat down next to Derek at the table. Derek wasn't dressed up either. He was in an old sweatshirt and sweatpants.

"Why are you dressed up already?" he said like he was mad about it.

"Because! Halloween lasts all day!" Aaron smiled and poured himself some Count Chocula, which he asked Emily for special, because it was Halloween. Aaron shook the box and scowled. Spencer ate a lot of it because it was brown. That wasn't fair.

He hoped the day would get better, but had a feeling it wouldn't.

He was right.

That afternoon, Spencer screamed like someone was hurting him really bad whenever they drove by a pumpkin. There were a lot of pumpkins outside. Kids were dressed like pumpkins, too. Spencer was shaking and clinging onto Derek like a baby. But Aaron bravely got out with Emily and knocked on the door and said Trick-or-Treat.

"I've got two more in the car," Emily said like she was sorry. She pointed to where Derek and Spencer still were. Emily got extra candy for them.

"They didn't dress up," Aaron pointed out, holding Emily's hand in one of his hands, and his pillowcase for candy in the other. "They weren't brave like I was to come and knock on the door. So they shouldn't get candy, right?" he asked, curious.

* * *

><p>"Being brave looks different on everyone," Emily explained, slowing her pace. "To Spencer, just getting in the car was brave. To Derek, it's brave to trust me to drive him to different houses…" she trailed off remembering their earlier conversation.<p>

Derek had been adamant and angry until she inadvertently caused him to reveal the truth. "You don't even have to walk," she said, "I'll drive us."

"Yeah, and then you'll drop me off at some creepy house and take money for my time, right?" he spat.

It had taken close to an hour to calm him down. To get him to sit with her at the table so she could explain, step by step, what would happen. She would drive them to each house and whoever wanted to could go up and knock on the door and say Trick-or-Treat. They'd get a treat and then go back to the car, and everyone would go to the next house where the same thing would happen. "Nobody's getting dropped off. We're a team, remember? We can't lose you. We need you."

Derek had reluctantly agreed to come and offered to stay in the car with Spencer while she and Aaron got out at each house. But each time they stopped, his hand hovered on his seatbelt. Each time they stopped, Derek swallowed, like he was steeling himself for what was to come.

For that reason, Emily kept the outing short. Ten houses or less, including Dave and Carolyn's. Someplace familiar would help.

Back in her own driveway, Aaron exploded out of the car, thrilled with his candy. Emily let him run around the yard while she saw to Spencer and Derek in the back seat.

"Hey guys. We're home, see? Just like I promised," Emily reassured, trying to pretend she didn't see the wide wet spot on Spencer's khaki pants, or the fact that he trembled with fear. But she couldn't ignore it. Nor could she overlook Derek's faraway look and tense muscles. "Let's go inside, okay? So we can relax."

Slowly, she coaxed them out. Spencer refused to let go of Derek, who carried him. After bathing the little boys and tucking them in, Emily stopped by Derek's room and knocked on the door. "May I come in?" she asked.

"Yeah," he answered, facing away from her.

"Come on, and talk to me," Emily said, seating herself in his desk chair and not on the bed where he was sprawled.

He eyed her - the old suspicion back in his eyes. "You didn't make me go in…so are they comin' here?" he asked tonelessly.

"No one's coming here for you, Derek," Emily explained patiently.

"I saw you talkin' to them about me," he told her simply.

"I told them you and Spencer were in the car, too. That I didn't have one child, I have three. I was making sure you and Spencer got candy, as well." To prove her point, Emily produced the three pillowcases through a quick trip to her bedroom.

"See? This green one's yours. I'm checking all the candy to make sure it's safe and then I'll pass yours along to you. I'm going to keep the little guys' candy and give it to them a little at a time, but I think I can trust you with yours. Can you trust me?" she asked gently. "I won't let anything happen to you, sweetie. I promise. I won't let anyone come in and hurt you."

Derek bit his lip. "I don't know…" he managed. "I don't want to do that again."

"Well, next year you'll be thirteen. That's possibly mature enough to stay here and hand out candy, if you like."

"Next year?" he asked.

"Has Gideon said anything to you about adoption?" For most kids, adoption from foster care was a possible option. For kids like Derek with no living biological relatives, it was his only option. The prospect of him being moved to a foster-to-adopt home loomed bigger each day. The only reason Emily ended up with him was because older boys were hardest to place, particularly older boys of a minority race. Emily had been seriously considering adopting all three boys, ever since Derek asked her the question that turned her world upside down. How come she didn't love him the way she loved the others?

"He said it's my best chance…but I know it's not a very good one. People want babies and little kids. They don't want a black teenage boy…"

"I do," Emily said quietly. Her heart pounded in her chest. Was this too soon? What if Derek wasn't ready for this type of commitment? What if he didn't want to stay here? What if he would do better somewhere else?

"It hasn't been that long…" Derek hedged. There was fear in his eyes, she saw. But there was hope, too.

"Well, you think about it and let me know…" Emily said, rising from the chair and stopping in the doorway.

"Good night. I love you, honey," Emily said, and meant it. It wasn't something she usually said to her kids, because it was so easily misconstrued, but Emily felt sure Derek needed to hear it.

"Night, Emily. Thanks for not making me go to any of those other places." Derek responded softly.

She nodded, blinking back tears, and closed the door.

**A/N: First, congratulations to NancyL915, the 100th reviewer of What Makes a Family! So much is happening in this chapter, isn't there? That end just came out of nowhere... Hang on for the ride, there will be at least eight more chapters to come! Thank you all so much for taking the time to read and review this story! It really means a lot. **


	18. Penelope

"Emily? This is Gina."

"Gina. Hi. What is it?" Emily asked, recognizing her social worker's voice. She sat up and glanced at the clock. Phone calls at 2 AM were never good.

"We have an emergency placement. I know you don't generally take teenagers, but this one really needs a place to stay until tomorrow evening. I've called several other placements already. All of them turned her down."

Emily's heartbeat quickened. The thought of a teenage girl no one would take set warning bells off. "Why is she only in care for a few hours?" Emily asked tentatively.

"She was arrested. The judge's ruling was jail or rehab for excessive consumption of alcohol. But there's some kind of delay in getting her admitted. She's hot-tempered, grieving, and difficult to control. No one seems to be able to handle her. She's seventeen. By the time she completes treatment…if she completes treatment…she'll be an adult. It's just a few hours…"

"Can I have a minute to think?" she asked, willing her brain into action.

At Gina's affirmative, Emily hung up. She sat, motionless, for a few minutes, thoughts racing through her head. It took her an obscene length of time to even place the date. December 12, 2012. Spencer would say that was a sign. Emily thought of her boys. Aaron had been with her nearly a year, Spencer for eight months and Derek for just under four months.

Aaron's trial was a thing of the past. His biological parents' rights were terminated and he was flourishing, but he still had bad days. She still found him asleep in the downstairs bathroom from time to time when he perceived he had made a mistake during the day. He had developed the habit of asking, "Do you love me?" multiple times a day. Despite all her reassurances, he didn't seem to believe her.

Spencer was having a hard time adjusting. Every major holiday so far sent him into a tailspin. Emily had already decided to seriously scale down Christmas celebrations. Spencer was already having multiple "quandaries" about the constant coexistence of the colors red and green. Bob Dylan recently made a reappearance after Spencer overheard Aaron listening to a Miley Cyrus cover. She wasn't sure if either one of them could handle even a few hours of upheaval.

And then there was Derek. For the last month or so, something had shifted with him. The honeymoon phase - or the period of time when new children are on their best behavior - was definitely over. Derek had started leaving dirty clothes everywhere. His room was atrocious. He was starting to defy her in small ways. Everything Emily did, from offering to let him call his social worker, to getting him extra therapy appointments, to letting him know she was always available to talk did little good. He was sullen and withdrawn as he had been when he arrived, but with this undercurrent of scorn for her, that Emily couldn't understand, and he refused to explain.

Finally, Emily picked up the phone and dialed Nathaniel in Vermont. He was her art buddy and so much more. Sometimes, she thought of him as the son she never had. He was around the age her own baby would have been, had she made another decision. Nathaniel, Cary and Matthew were family.

"Emily? What's wrong?" Nathaniel asked, his sensitivity working overtime.

"Hey. Sorry to call so late. I just got a call from Gina. She's got a teenage girl, who needs a place to crash temporarily. I'm apparently the last stop before treatment for alcoholism. She's out of control, and I'd do it, but I'm worried about the boys. They're all having a hard time with the holidays again, and I don't know if they can handle this kind of thing for even a few hours. I guess I just wanted a sounding board…and to ask…I don't know… Do you think it's worth it?"

Nathaniel was quiet on the other end of the call. Emily heard the rustling of sheets as he got out of bed. She heard the a DVD start to play in the background, and guessed that Matthew still kept odd hours.

"_Finding Nemo_?" she guessed wryly.

"We finally got him to move onto _Dolphin Tale_." Nathaniel filled in. Emily heard his voice soften as he addressed his son. "Are you going to be a marine biologist, buddy?" he asked. Matthew's response was muffled and finally Nathaniel was able to give Emily his full attention again. "Sorry. I didn't want him to hear this."

Emily felt herself relaxing incrementally. He was going to tell her it was okay. Someone else would take the girl. She waited.

"I have this friend," he said speaking as if the statement was a question. "We went to college together. Her name's Morgan."

Emily couldn't help smiling a little. She couldn't help thinking of Derek.

She's bright and amazing and could do anything she wanted. She kicked ass on a skateboard. Loved to snowboard. Loved Hawaii. She loved helping other people. I could trust her to tell me the truth about anything. Then, something bad happened to us…and she changed. She was so lost and so hurt. She was this shadow of herself. A few months later, she OD'd. I had just met Cary and he and I and this other friend of ours drove her to the hospital. She hated us then. Lashed out at us, but no one else was there for her. Her parents refused to be a part of her life. It was so hard. We had no idea what to do. She even relapsed once a few months later, but if I had the choice between going to her funeral four years ago and living down the road from her, you know which one I'd pick. Even with all the shit we went through with her, I would do it again." He paused. "Emily, it's always worth it. Take this girl. If you're worried about the boys, have Dave take them sledding or something for the day while she's with you. But give her a chance. And if she needs to talk to anybody…or if you do…I can put you in touch with Morgan."

"Thanks, Nathaniel."

"Hey, how are the kids? How's Derek? Have you heard from JJ or anything?" he asked in a rush.

"Derek's…rebelling…and I haven't heard from JJ in several months. I send letters once a month but she stopped writing back. I hope she's all right," Emily sighed. "Anyway, I hate to cut this short but I have to call Gina back."

"Rebellion's good. He's a teenager, right?" Nathaniel asked, humor in his tone. "And I'll hope with you for JJ. Good luck with your new girl. Let us know how it goes."

"How do you know I'm taking her?" Emily asked, laughing a little.

"Because I know you."

* * *

><p>Emily had an image of Penelope Garcia before she arrived: petite, Latina and fiery. The girl who stepped through her front door at 3:30 AM was none of those things. She was a little on the heavy side, and Emily suspected she was a natural blonde under the green hair dye. Judging by the glazed eyes, her weaving gate and the smell, Emily suspected she was definitely drunk. Possibly high.<p>

"I'm sorry about this," Elle Greenaway apologized. "She ran away from the last place before I picked her up. Ended up at the liquor store. Penelope, I'll be back at four this afternoon to pick you up. Be here or the cops will be notified."

Emily bristled at Elle's cold tone. She was well aware that Elle often ended up with the difficult teenage girls, but Emily had never experienced the no-nonsense manner before. She was about to speak up, when Penelope did so for her.

"Whatever, bitch…" she said, and walked into the house, lugging an overnight bag that clanked suspiciously.

When Elle finally left, Emily got to work. "What did you take?" she asked seriously. When Penelope didn't answer, Emily unzipped the overnight bag at Penelope's feet. Folded into the clothing were bottles and cans. "You're drunk."

"Well, give the lady a prize!" Penelope drawled, lurching for the bag, but Emily easily held it out of reach.

"Get some rest. You're going to need it. Bathroom's down the hall," she directed. Better to have Penelope on the couch in view of people then on her own behind a closed door. Hopelessness clung to her like a second skin. Emily didn't want her giving up before she had the chance to get better. "Things will get better…if you let them… This…" Emily said, gesturing to her contraband, "won't do anything but shorten your life."

"Like you know anything about it. I'm not trying to off myself. Just have a little fun," Penelope offered a smile so fake it broke Emily's heart.

"When I was in high school, my best friend did what you're doing. A few years ago, I had to ID his body in the morgue. Is that what you want?" she asked, trying to get through to her.

"Ever seen two at once?" Penelope asked, a nasty edge to her voice. "Go ID your parents' bodies in the morgue and then tell me you don't think I have the right to take the edge off." She curled up on the couch, without another word.

Emily hadn't seen her file yet, but she had seen the news. She recognized the last name. Grace and Hector Garcia were killed last month in an auto accident. This had to be their daughter. Emily didn't know them, but the crash had been horrific. Drunk driver versus a tiny car. They were alive when the car burst into flames. Law enforcement and emergency personnel couldn't save them.

Gently, Emily covered Penelope with a spare comforter, wanting her to feel loved and cared for - even if she wouldn't remember it in the long run. Emily sat across from her in a chair. In an hour, Penelope jolted upright, unsure of where she was. It seemed to come back to her, and she darted down the hall to vomit.

When she was occupied enough that she didn't come out of the restroom, Emily unzipped the bag. She took the six-pack of beer and dumped it down the drain in the kitchen sink. Did the same with the expensive-looking bottle of red wine. The blush and white wine followed. Emily searched thoroughly and found a flask of God-knew-what. When she was positive she had disposed of everything, Emily deposited the trash in the garage. The boys wouldn't be stomping these cans.

* * *

><p>Penelope woke with a pounding headache and loped out of the bathroom. She fell gracelessly onto the couch and burrowed underneath the blanket. The damn sun was too bright, and there were kids making too much damn noise.<p>

"Who's that?" one asked, poking her experimentally. Penelope kept her head covered and ignored him.

"Spencer, dude, don't poke people. It's rude." That was an older kid, definitely. She was grateful when he took the little kid away. He spoke quietly and cradled his words more gently than the young kid. Penelope wished she could see his face, to see if his voice matched his face.

"But who _is_ that? I'm just wondering!" he complained loudly.

"That's Penelope and she's staying here for a little while. She doesn't feel well, so we won't bother her, will we?" Emily asked, and Penelope tried to block her out.

"How long is she staying?" another voice asked. Penelope groaned. How many damn kids were in this house? She should have asked before letting Elle dump her here.

"Until this afternoon." Emily said. A fork scraped a plate and Penelope wanted to scream in agony.

"Why?" the newest voice asked.

"Because she's sick and she needs to go somewhere to get better," Emily explained.

Right. Rehab. Shit.

"What's she sick with?" Third voice again. God he asked a lot of questions.

"Perhaps she has a mental illness." This from the child who poked her. He couldn't have been older than five or six. His implication had her scowling from beneath the flowered comforter. What kind of kid accused someone he didn't even know of mental illness?

"She's drunk." This was stated quietly and honestly by beautiful voice. "She stinks like alcohol."

"Hey! Screw you! I'm awake, you know? Don't talk about me like I'm not here. Better yet, don't talk at all. You're freaking loudmouths…." Penelope muttered.

"We don't put other people down," Emily said firmly. "Since you're awake, would you like some breakfast?"

"No…" Penelope moaned. Her stomach rolled, threatening revolt at the mere mention of food.

"Get up and put some clothes on." This Emily sure was a hard-ass.

"I can't…" she moaned pathetically. "Didn't you hear yourself? I'm sick, remember?"

"If you're feeling well enough to insult people then you're well enough to join us. I want you to meet Derek, Aaron and Spencer."

Because Penelope knew that tone of voice and knew that Emily would keep badgering her until she gave in, Penelope stood shakily and dragged her bag to the bathroom. Something seemed vaguely off about it but her head was pounding too badly to make sense of what it might have been. She was fully dressed and contemplating drinking the Listerine on the sink when it hit her.

She stormed out of the bathroom, taking in dark-haired Emily, and the three boys. The oldest was biracial and beautiful as she guessed he'd be. The middle child had dark hair like Emily. The youngest had auburn hair and glasses. She looked at all three in turn. "Where's my stuff?" she asked loudly.

"Penelope, this is Derek, Aaron and Spencer," Emily said, gesturing to each boy in age order. French toast?" she asked, as if Penelope hadn't said anything at all.

"Listen to me! I had _things_ in my bag, okay? Things I need! Now which one of you brats took it?" Penelope accused, staring at each face. All were pictures of innocence.

"I touched your bag, Penelope, but I didn't open it," Spencer said honestly. Aaron and Derek chimed in with their denials soon after.

"It's gone, Penelope. I dumped it out last night," Emily admitted, looking at her straight on. "The recycling got taken already."

Inside, Penelope felt herself begin to crumble. She had hoped to be able to sip a little - or a lot - today, to ease her nerves about rehab. She narrowed her eyes at Emily. "Fucking shit! You bitch! That was _mine_! My personal property!" Anger rushed through her veins and she kicked the bowl of cat food at her feet. "You screw with my life? I screw with yours!"

Before Emily could react, Penelope turned and hurried through the living room. She knocked lamps off the bedside tables. She darted down the stairs with her arms outstretched, swiping pictures of happy smiling children off the walls. She stomped on the broken frames. Back upstairs, she moved through the house, methodically destroying things. She could hear the youngest boys crying and didn't care. She didn't belong here. She didn't belong anywhere. In three weeks, they would kick her out of treatment because she'd be eighteen and foster care wouldn't apply to her. Then she'd get her ass sent to jail. She had no hope. No future. No booze.

Something caught Penelope's eye and she burst into a room with white walls hung with framed art pieces. Canvasses with half-finished work on them. Penelope ripped it apart. She screamed and threw paint. She did all the damage she could do.

"Penelope, stop!" Derek said, trying to get a grip on her. But he was smaller than he seemed to think he was and she pushed him away. She didn't stop. She couldn't. Her life was falling apart.

Her parents were dead and it was all her fault.

* * *

><p>Emily made quick work of calling Dave and Carolyn. She took Aaron and Spencer, and a reluctant Derek, who insisted he could help. Dave made quick work of restraining Penelope gently. Emily was shocked when she simply gave up and wept against his chest.<p>

"Please don't send me away. I don't have anywhere else to go…" she begged, sounding lost and terrified.

Emily focused on Penelope and not the detritus that surrounded her - the wrecked state of her beloved art studio. She guided Penelope out to the couch and sat down. Unbidden, she remembered the words Nathaniel had spoken to her in the early morning hours. It was always worth it. He could say that, even after watching a close friend nearly take her own life. If he could do that, she could definitely offer Penelope what she had. Emily had a feeling that if this girl could get a handle on her grief, other things would fall into place, as well. Like Derek, she wasn't a violent person. She hadn't once directed her temper at another person. Emily suspected Penelope to be as amazing as Nathaniel's friend, who lost her way in the wake of a terrible tragedy. There was hope for Penelope and Emily wasn't about to let her leave this afternoon without letting her know that.

"You listen to me. You need to get help. Do you understand? You know that, don't you?" Emily asked softly.

Penelope nodded, sniffling.

"You need to go to treatment. So you go. You do your time. You work your hardest. Get this temper under control, and you can come back. No drinking, no drugs, no violence. Got it? I won't leave you on your own, but you need to meet me halfway, okay?"

"Yes," Penelope whispered.

"All right. You're going to be busy before you leave. You have a couple of big messes to clean up and some people to apologize to."

"I'm so sorry…I'm not usually like this, I swear…It's just been such a crazy time…"

"Everything under control here?" Dave asked from his position against the wall. "Young lady? " he asked, eyeing Penelope for a good measure.

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry," she said. Defeat was in her eyes, her posture, her being.

Though Emily was sure Penelope was feeling physically miserable, she attacked the task of cleaning up with fervor. When Elle came to pick her up, she asked to wait an extra few minutes to say goodbye and apologize to Emily's boys. Spencer and Aaron both kept their distance, but Derek came up and shook her hand.

"I'm sorry," she said, loud enough for them all to hear. "I'm sorry I freaked out and scared you guys."

The little boys said nothing, but Derek kept his eyes on hers. Solemn, beautiful and brown, they seemed to see all the way into her like an avatar.

"I get it," he said simply, squeezing her hand and walking away.

Emily came up and embraced her, whispering, "You always have a home here."

As the car pulled away, Penelope waved, looking through tear-filled eyes at these people who had given her a chance when she didn't deserve one. She vowed to work hard and get better.

For the first time in months, she wanted to let people see the real Penelope Garcia.

**A/N: Penelope's here and gone so fast :( But hopefully upon return she will be more like the amazing person we know and love! Hello, to new readers amd faithful readers from the start! I appreciate all of you and love reading your thoughts on how things are going in the Prentiss house. Feeling lazy? You don't even need to login to leave a review! One less step is always great, right? Thank you guys for your awesome support. **


	19. Haste

"Emily. We need to talk," Dave said after Penelope left. Carolyn had all three boys playing out in the snow. Their large deck door overlooked the yard so they always had a clear view of what was happening with the kids. Carolyn put water on the stove for hot chocolate and brought over the coffee pot to top off her husband and Emily's cups.

"Yeah, I figured as much," Emily sighed. "Go ahead. What?" she asked, bracing herself, but already knowing what Dave would say.

"Penelope?" he asked simply. "Emily, you can't make a promise like that to a kid you've only known a few hours. It isn't fair to either one of you."

"I know," Emily admitted. "I just…I don't know what happened. I got drawn in. First by Nathaniel who advised me to take her, and then by Penelope. Dave, she's been through so much. She needs someone. And she's weeks away from aging out. I just wanted to help her."

"First, I doubt that Nathaniel meant take her into your house indefinitely. I think he was probably just relating based on what he knew. He probably had similar experience or knew someone in a similar predicament who it turned out okay for. It wasn't bad advice, but kiddo, you've been doing this a long time. I've never known you to be so impulsive."

"It was a mistake. I know. I just thought…you know…She's almost eighteen. In six months, she'd be in college…"

"…And everything would be better?" Carolyn asked. "Honey, she destroyed your home, and scared your boys. You put Derek on such strict probation since he got here and he hasn't reacted half as badly as Penelope did. And instead of enforcing the rules in your house, you told her she'd always have a home with you. Now, if the boys heard that, you're going to have a mess on your hands," she said gravely.

Emily set her cup aside and massaged her temples. "God…I know… I don't know what came over me." She took a deep breath. "But we're going to deal with this. I'll talk to the boys…and I'll drive out and talk to Penelope." Emily sipped her coffee and hoped for courage.

* * *

><p>"Penelope destroyed the house," Spencer reported, impressed. Snow was very soothing, and he and Aaron were helping Derek build some kind of fort that they could crawl inside.<p>

"So?" Aaron asked. "I hate her anyway."

Derek stayed quiet, packing snow and digging. He wasn't about to admit that he had overheard the entire conversation between Emily and Penelope. He knew that she told Penelope she'd always have a home with them, even after everything she did. It pissed him off. He couldn't live up to Emily's standards no matter how hard he tried, and here she was inviting some crazy girl to live with them after she wrecked everything. He liked Penelope. It wasn't that. It was the double standard.

"Boys! Come inside and warm up! I've got hot chocolate for you,' Carolyn called.

* * *

><p>Emily watched as Aaron, Spencer and Derek came inside, red-cheeked and bright-eyed from the cold. She braced herself for a whole manner of reactions, grateful that Dave and Carolyn were here as backup.<p>

She waited until they were all settled. Then, she asked if they had fun.

"Yeah," they chorused, more focused on the floating marshmallows in their beverage than her question.

"Listen, guys. I have to talk to you," she started hesitantly.

"If it's about Penelope, I already know…" Derek said softly, looking at her with betrayal in his eyes.

"Aaron said he hates her," Spencer informed the room at large.

"Shut up!" Aaron hissed, elbowing Spencer.

"Hey. None of that," Dave told him in a low, authoritative voice. "Hands to yourself. Apologize."

"Why?" Aaron scoffed. "_She _got to say mean things… She got to ruin our house and everything…"

But Dave simply cleared his throat and waited until an embarrassed apology was whispered.

"Listen. I made a big mistake," Emily admitted, looking at each of them in turn. "You're right, Aaron. Penelope broke the rules and that is never okay. I should have handled things a whole lot better and I'm sorry."

"I don't want a sister unless it's JJ…" Aaron pouted, slurping up marshmallows noisily.

Emily's heart was in her throat. Had they _all _heard her rash promise to Penelope? That she would always have a home with them? She cleared her throat. "She's not going to live with us. I'm going to tell her myself, so that's not something you have to worry about. All right?"

"If we destroy the house, do we have to leave?" Spencer asked seriously. "Would our adoption get taken away?"

"You know better than that, don't you? You know better than to hurt people or things or yourself, right?" Emily asked. She waited for Spencer to nod. "So did Penelope. Our actions have consequences, and her actions made you feel unsafe, didn't they?"

All three boys nodded miserably.

"That's why she's not allowed to stay here. Because your safety has to come first."

Derek scraped his chair away from the table. "May I be excused?" he asked abruptly and didn't wait for an answer before he left the table.

* * *

><p>He could feel Emily following him and he turned around fast to face her. "I heard what you told her," he said softly, his eyes accusing. "I heard you tell her she can come and live her no matter what! You can lie to them 'cause they don't know any better, but you can't lie to me. I can see it on you," he almost spat.<p>

"Derek, that was a mistake. I should never have said that to her, and I'm going to talk to her and make sure she knows that I spoke without thinking." Emily said so calmly that it made Derek even madder.

"But you sure thought about it when it was me… I didn't do one bad thing and you already are just waitin' for me to screw up so you can kick my ass out on the streets. Do it. I don't care. It's nothin' I haven't done already." He glared at her, his heart pounding, just waiting for her to do what he knew she wanted to. But Emily didn't do anything. She just looked at him. He looked away.

"Derek, I know I was unfair to you. You're right. You've behaved beautifully and I'm so proud of you. It was a mistake to promise her something that wasn't in the best interest of all of you. I'm sorry for the pressure you felt to act a certain way. You're a great kid, all right? Penelope made a very bad choice, and she knew better. That's why I can't allow her to come back."

"But you like her," Derek pointed out.

"Yes. I think she has great potential, but that's not the point. You come first," Emily said firmly.

"Yeah, well, I don't feel first. I feel last. Behind Aaron and Spencer. Behind JJ and even Penelope. There's nothin' I can do to make it different."

* * *

><p>Emily made the three-hour trip to visit Penelope just before Christmas. She didn't bring a gift, just a letter. She went through the doors, got a nametag and sat down in the visiting area while Penelope was paged.<p>

"Hey," she said, surprising Emily.

Ten days had done a lot to change her. Her eyes were deep, dark and sad. Her hair was growing out so Emily could see the blonde roots. She moved slowly, like a person with depression. When she smiled, everything about her remained sad.

"Hey, Penelope," Emily greeted, careful not to be too familiar. "How are you?"

"I'm okay…" she sighed. "It's like a prison in here, but I need it. I mean, not like real prison. I just mean there's a lot of rules," she babbled. "I don't like it, but I have to do it, otherwise it's real jail."

"Listen, I have to tell you something…" Emily began. She wasn't sure how much Penelope even remembered about being at her house. Maybe she didn't even remember Emily's ill-timed promise. Still, she had to make sure Penelope knew the truth. "Do you remember staying with me?"

"Vaguely…" Penelope admitted. "I know I went kinda crazy."

"Yes, you did. And I told you something that I shouldn't have. It was my mistake…" Emily took a deep breath. "I can't have you back in the house. I can't let you be there. I'm very sorry I promised you otherwise."

"Whatever. It's okay. I deserve to be on my own, anyway." Penelope mumbled. "I always sabotage everything good anyway. You wouldn't want me in your family."

Emily sat silent. She got the distinct feeling that she was being manipulated and didn't like it. "Anyway, this is for you. Happy holidays." She pushed the envelope toward Penelope without another word.

"Why did you even come here if your only reason was to tell me you lied to me?" Penelope accused. "I could have lived the rest of my life not knowing that and been fine! You know what? You might think your some kind of savior but you…suck!" she exploded, getting up from the table and hurrying away.

* * *

><p>On Christmas morning, Aaron woke up early but didn't move. He knew it was a special day, but special days made him nervous. Besides, a little voice inside him said, maybe it was just special for everyone else, and not him.<p>

He remembered last Christmas. The worst day. When his mom and dad were nice to each other and gave each other presents and didn't give him anything. When he accidentally made too much noise how his mom starting beating him up and then his dad pulled his arm behind his back and broke it. When they locked him outside it was very cold just like this. That's why someone saw him and called the police. He was only seven then. It felt like a long time ago, and yesterday all at once.

Now, his birthday had come and he'd gotten presents then. He'd gotten to wear green on St. Patrick's Day and hunt for eggs on Easter and watch fireworks on the Fourth of July. He got to dress up for Halloween and have dinner with the family on Thanksgiving. All those things he had never done before. But Christmas was different. Sometimes, his parents let him do one or two of those other special holiday things. But he had never gotten to have a Christmas. He never got a present that was just his, until his birthday.

Spencer was awake and smiling. Aaron didn't know why. He had been telling Aaron for weeks that Santa was a myth made up off a real guy named Saint Nicholas in the olden days who gave poor children toys. Aaron knew about Santa from kids at school. Some still believed. Most didn't. Spencer said the real Saint Nicholas was dead and there was no Santa Claus. But last night, Emily had read them a book called The Night Before Christmas, and then, Spencer couldn't shut up about Santa.

"Come on! Let's see if Santa came! We have to wake up Derek!" Spencer exclaimed, forgetting about making his bed and running upstairs.

Aaron made his bed carefully. Then he got dressed in the outfit Emily helped him pick. A red sweater and nice black pants. He wanted to wear the green sweater, but Spencer had a fit about even thinking of wearing red. Since Aaron didn't want to get in trouble, he agreed to wear it. He took his time, making sure his hair looked nice and then came upstairs slowly, hanging onto the railing.

There was instrument music playing Christmas songs. Aaron knew some of them and wanted to sing along, but pressed his lips together. He came around the corner and looked at the living room. A pile of presents had magically appeared under the tree!

"Merry Christmas, Aaron," Emily said quietly giving him a hug.

"Merry Christmas," he said shyly.

He looked around and saw Spencer kneeling on a chair in his green pajamas with monkeys on them. He was eating eggs and bacon very fast. Derek was dressed in a dark blue sweater and tan pants. He didn't look too happy this morning either. Aaron sat next to him.

When they were done eating, Dave and Carolyn came over and then it was time for presents, but Aaron was still nervous. He waited until everyone else opened theirs and touched the special sticker that said his name. He thought about the presents they made in school. Most kids made one, but Aaron asked to make two. One for Emily and one for Dave and Carolyn.

He opened his own gifts carefully, his eyes getting big when he saw new clothes, new boy dress-up stuff he had to share with Spencer, and new books. When he pulled out the new yellow winter coat, a lump came in his throat. His old coat from Erin Strauss reminded him of his old life. This new coat was so good.

He hugged Emily tight and then couldn't help giving Emily and Dave and Carolyn their presents right then. "Open them together, okay?"

"I know what they are!" Spencer announced loudly and Derek covered his mouth.

"Pretend you don't,' he said softly.

"But I do," he said, his words muffled by Derek's hand.

"Oh, Aaron. This is beautiful…" Emily said, holding him close when she saw the Christmas tree ornament he made in school. He put his third grade picture inside a special frame with a loop to hang it. "Thank you so much!"

"Well, look at this, honey! Isn't that something?" Dave said happily, handing the ornament to Carolyn to see. "Aaron, this is going right on our tree at home. Thanks, buddy. This is really great."

The hugs Aaron got were better than any present.

* * *

><p>Spencer was very pleased with how Christmas was going. He missed his mother, the literature professor, but Emily said he could call her at the hospital and tell her he missed her. That made things a lot better. Spencer's gift to Emily was identical to Aaron's except it had Spencer's picture in the ornament frame. He was pleased with that, too. His only regret was that he hadn't thought to make one for Dave and Carolyn like Aaron had.<p>

He got many special gifts. A collection of Shakespearean poetry, a new chess set, new clothing that he really liked, and the best of all. He, Aaron, and Derek all got new bikes to ride and helmets for safety.

* * *

><p>Derek waited until after everyone else was over at Dave's house for Christmas dinner to give Emily his gift. He had been fighting nausea since he woke up this morning. He hoped she wouldn't read into it and expect something from him.<p>

"Here," he said, before he lost his nerve. His hand closed around JJ's note, which he had started carrying around with him in his pocket. He didn't believe in luck, but he needed something to tell him it was all going to be okay.

Emily stopped cleaning up the huge wrapping paper mess and took the box from Derek. It took some doing to get everything the way it was supposed to be without Emily knowing. But Derek had gotten real good at staying under the radar.

He kept his hands in his pockets and waited for Emily to open the box. It took forever, but finally she did it. She made this little noise, like a gasp. Then she held the big picture frame in her hands and sat down in a chair. She read it right then, and Derek's cheeks burned, embarrassed. He knew what she was seeing. It was a piece of computer paper where he had put pictures. One of himself, Aaron and Spencer. One of Sergio and Emily. One of Dave and Carolyn. Even one of JJ if she ever came back. They made the border. In the middle, he wrote:

_WHAT MAKES A FAMILY_

_Sometimes, a family is a father, mother and son._

_Sometimes, a family is a mother and son._

_Sometimes, a family is nothing at all._

_Sometimes, a family is biological._

_Sometimes, a family is adopted or foster._

_Sometimes, family is a cat._

_Sometimes, family is a church._

_Sometimes, family is your neighbors._

_Sometimes, family is one person _

_Taking in kids who don't have families._

_Sometimes, that one person makes mistakes._

_Sometimes, the kids make mistakes, too._

_Sometimes, kids leave, and sometimes they stay._

_Trust makes a family. Real love makes a family._

_Respect makes a family. _

_Everything good makes a family._

_Derek Morgan_

"It's for your studio…I know a lot of your stuff got ruined before. And I can't really paint, but I thought this might be okay," he hesitated again. What if she hated it? What if she thought it was stupid? What if she said it wasn't art?

"Derek, I love it. Thank you so much. Is it okay if I hang it up now?" she asked.

"Sure, it's yours. Do what you want with it," he said, looking at the carpet. He thought of everything he'd been given this morning. Baseball cleats. A blanket with his favorite sports team on it. New clothes. And a painting of a tiger that Emily somehow saved from her studio. She even wrote on the back why she made it for him, and put it in a frame for him.

The only thing that could make this day better was for the sinking feeling inside him to go away. If she adopted him, she wouldn't get money from the government to pay for his stuff. She'd have to pay for it somehow. Derek shivered a little as she hung up his picture in the studio.

He wished he didn't have to go back to doing what he did before. But if it meant she would let him stay, Derek knew he'd do it.

What choice did he have?


	20. Trust

February was the worst month because everything was red.

Spencer's mother, the literature professor's, birthday was on Valentine's Day and that was even worse. It made her very anxious and sad. Therefore, it made Spencer anxious and sad, too. Even though it had been a long time since he had seen her.

It had been a difficult day all day long. His class had a Valentine's party with red Kool-Aid and red frosted heart cookies that looked nothing like real hearts. Everybody gave each other Valentines in their special boxes. Spencer covered his in shiny silver tinfoil so Bob Dylan could not see the messages inside. Bob Dylan always came back when Spencer was feeling stressed. Spencer wrote a special message on everyone's Valentine. "You're nice." "Let's play knights." "2 + 2 = 4, not 5." All the Valentines in his box just said his name and were signed by the kid who gave them to him.

Then, Spencer got surprised and spilled his Kool-Aid all over his Valentines. He tried not to cry because the other kids would tease him, and he tried not to hurt himself because Emily taught him there were better ways to handle when things went wrong. However, this was very wrong. Now all his Valentines had red on them. They were ruined.

When he got home, there was not even any homework to keep him busy. He was already all caught up on his free reading - because he had gotten past 100 minutes a week. Emily tried to keep him busy but it didn't work. She was busy helping Aaron because he was a Very Special Person in his class, which meant he got to make a special collection of pictures all about him and talk about them. Spencer wasn't a very special anything.

Therefore, he went and knocked on Derek's door.

"Hey, kid," Derek said when he opened the door. "I got a lot of homework to do."

"I can help you!" Spencer said eagerly. "I've been looking for some homework to do because Bob Dylan's been spying on me, a lot, but I think homework bores him. Because he never watches me when I do it."

"God…enough with Bob Dylan, already. He is not watching you, okay? You really think a rock star like him is gonna waste his time spying on a smart lady like Diana and a little kid like you?"

"Yes," Spencer said. "I spilled red Kool-Aid on my Valentine's today," he said, disappointed.

"Well, he's not. He's busy with his own life. He ain't got time to watch you. And, trust me, Kool-Aid on your Valentines is the least of your problems. Now I gotta make this map of the United States and color it in. Do you want to help, or not?"

"Of course," Spencer agreed, and sprawled on Derek's bedroom floor to offer his advice about how states should look and what colors they should be.

* * *

><p>Emily carefully set Aaron's piece of tag board decorated with pictures and captions on the bench beside the front door. Valentine's Day had been troublesome at the very least. Spencer was in a panic because of all the red and Aaron came home upset because he learned he would be next week's special person. As usual, he didn't know who counted as family and who didn't, and whether or not he would get in trouble for showing pictures of himself, Sergio, Spencer, Derek, JJ and Emily.<p>

So, they played the "vocabulary game" as Aaron called it, and discussed the term _guardian _for the millionth time. She dedicated two hours to going through pictures with him and helping him print descriptions under each one.

"Penelope's not in my family," he said darkly.

"Yes, I can see that," Emily said, supervising as Aaron put tape on the backs of pictures.

"She was violent like _they _were violent and that's against the family rules."

"Like who was violent?" Emily questioned gently.

"Those other people who were supposed to care about me but they didn't. They did just the same thing she did. Destroyed things to scare me and that's not very nice. It's a good thing that she left. Otherwise _I_ would want to leave," he said softly, as Sergio walked across Aaron's blue poster. "And that wouldn't be fair, because I came before her. I came first."

Emily sat back, impressed. Aaron was opening up more and more. He had stopped referring to his biological parents as anything, and was doing his best to distance himself from them. Aside from that, he was becoming more talkative and more like a typical third grader. It hardly seemed possible that he was the same child who came to her fourteen months ago. "I'm glad you decided to stay," Emily said, meaning it. "It sounds like Penelope did a lot of things that reminded you of before you came here."

"Yeah," Aaron answered. He scratched Sergio's back and the cat purred loudly. "They used to yell and scream and call me names like she called you names. They used to wreck stuff that was mine. That I really loved a lot. They took my favorite teddy bear I ever had, and they buried it in the yard when I was bad. They said if I was ever bad again, they'd do it to me."

Emily's heart ached to pull Aaron to her and hold him, but his body language remained quite self-possessed and she recognized when he wanted to be left alone. "I'm so sorry they did that," she said.

"It doesn't matter. It was back when I was little anyway. Before I came to stay with you that first time," he said, half-shrugging in a way that suggested it mattered very much to him.

"Would you like another bear?" she asked carefully.

"I don't know. Sometimes, I guess. Sometimes, I'd rather have another thing instead because I don't want to think of my other one buried in the ground, like a threat to me," he said, biting his lip. "Sometimes I'd like one of those animal pillows. A bear one of those. But I don't really need one. It's just something I saw one time."

Emily made a note to do a Google search for pillow animals tonight after the boys were in bed. She wasn't sure if it was something Derek would like, but Emily was positive Spencer would love something like that.

"Did you have a nice Valentine's party?" Emily wondered, changing the subject. She didn't want Aaron to get too drawn into traumatic memories before bed.

She let Aaron talk about his party and was about to wrap up their project and move to snacks and bedtime when Derek's curse carried out to the living room.

* * *

><p>"God damn it!" Derek exclaimed, horrified as Spencer was sick all over his US map. "Spencer, there's a trash can, kid! Come on!" He knew Spencer probably couldn't help it, but this map thing was one assignment that Derek was pretty much guaranteed to get a decent grade on.<p>

Derek was terrified to pick him up and move him anywhere. It just kept coming, like in a horror movie.

"What's going… Oh," Emily amended, wincing at the sight before her eyes. "Come on, buddy," she urged, grabbing Derek's trashcan and guiding Spencer to the bathroom. It was too little too late. Now that a receptacle was present, there was no need. He sobbed and clung to Emily.

"It's all over my map!" Derek exclaimed at Emily's back. "What am I gonna say? My little brother puked on my homework?"

"I'll write you a note," she promised, and then thought better of it. "Better yet, I'll help you make a new one."

Emily honestly thought she'd have time, too. But that was just the beginning. She no sooner had Spencer bathed and camped out on a comforter on the living room floor with an ice cream bucket by his side than she heard the familiar sounds of retching, and cursed herself. Up to this point, Emily was convinced that the cause of Spencer's illness was over-indulgence, as evidenced by the suspicious color all over Derek's map. Now, the best she could hope for was a 24-hour bug. She reminded herself to be thankful for the little things, like the fact that Aaron was fairly self-reliant and could get himself a snack and be trusted to go to bed on his own in the event of an emergency.

Emily stuck her head in Derek's room and found Spencer's mess haphazardly cleaned. He had definitely tried. She walked across the hall and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Derek? Are you okay?" Emily asked, though he obviously wasn't.

"I'm fine," he insisted.

So, Emily finished cleaning up where Derek left off, taking a good long look at the nearly completed US map before she disposed of it.

Two kids down, but thank goodness, Aaron seemed untouched by the vileness. A subsequent check on Derek found him running a fever and insisting, still, that he was fine. Emily tried to give him something for his fever, but Derek refused, suddenly fearful.

* * *

><p>When she offered him the pills, Derek cringed. He was so hot and felt like shit. He could not do this right now. All he wanted to do was sleep.<p>

"Please. I don't want that. I don't want anything…" he begged.

The look on Emily's face made it clear she thought he was delirious. But he knew exactly what was up. He knew what it meant when someone came to him with pills in their hand and intent in their eyes.

"I don't want drugs…I can't do this tonight…" he insisted, rolling away from her.

"Honey, it's just Tylenol for your fever. You don't have to do anything. I just want to get your fever down. I'm not going to hurt you."

"What about later, when you got no money coming in for me? Then, I need to work. I gotta earn my keep. I know. You don't have to pretend. I know this adoption thing is all about getting kids to work for you." He looked at her like an adult because he felt like one, and because she ought to tell him the truth because at least if he had to do this, he shouldn't walk in blind.

"Derek, look at me. Are you with me?" she asked, even though he was. He felt like shit. He was here in her house. How could he be anywhere else? "I work for a living. I don't need children to support my income. I will adopt you if it's something you want, and then, your only responsibility will be to do your chores at home and go to school and do your best. Adoption won't change that. The only thing it _will _change is your name and your address. It would give you a sense of permanence. It would make us family. A family with real love like you said in your poem to me, right?"

Derek winced as his stomach twisted. This was the worst time for anybody to try and trick him because he was weak. When she left, he almost lost it, he was so relieved. But then she came back, a bottle of pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

"See? Just Tylenol," she said, showing him the bottle. "Please take these, okay? You'll feel better."

Hesitantly, he picked out two from the bottle - they looked real enough - but refused the water until she drank first. He wasn't about to fall for regular Tylenol when the water could have something in it, too.

Emily took a sip, though, and that was enough to let him know it was okay. She left a closed can of 7Up and some crackers for him and then left the room so he could get some rest.

"Honey, please trust me," she asked at the door.

But Derek ignored her and fell into a fitful sleep.

* * *

><p>Determined to stay caught up with laundry, Emily made a quick trip downstairs to throw Spencer's soiled comforter in the wash. Before she returned upstairs, Emily stopped to check on Aaron and nearly gagged.<p>

A rancid smell hit her first. She found the light switch and forced herself to breathe normally. Forced herself not to panic when she saw her eight-year-old lying - awake, feverish and miserable - in his own filth.

* * *

><p>Aaron forced himself to go somewhere else in his mind because he couldn't stay here. So he escaped to the place he always went. He escaped to the nice calm water and imagined himself swimming with the fish. It didn't work for long, so he just went blank inside so he didn't have to think or feel. He didn't feel good, but that didn't matter. He didn't know what he was supposed to do when this happened. Emily never told him. He hoped it wasn't the same as at his old house.<p>

When Emily came in, he didn't move or say anything. He just stayed still because it's what he always did. If he moved or if he cried, he would get buried in the ground like his favorite teddy bear. He would get beat up a lot. He would get wrapped in the fences. He would get thrown outside. There were so many bad things that could happen that staying still and quiet always was better.

She got a towel and picked him up. Then she carried him upstairs and he felt like crying. The walls were bare. There were no pictures. When they got upstairs, Aaron clung tightly to her. His heart beat fast. He didn't want to get put outside in the cold or locked in the bathroom for days and days.

"No…" he choked. "Please…"

"It's all right, sweetie," Emily said, but she was going the wrong way.

He wrapped his arms and legs around her so she couldn't put him down in the bathroom and go away and lock him in there. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please, don't!" he said, shaking. Tears came out of his eyes. He heard loud water running. This was worse than outside or the fences because he didn't know what he was going to have to do.

* * *

><p>Emily didn't do it often, but right now, she prayed. She needed something beyond herself to help her get through tonight. Three sick boys. One consistently missed the bucket and the mere act of getting sick sent him into hysterics. Another was afraid she was trying to drug him. And the third? Emily had no idea what was going through his mind, other than some sort of past trauma she could only guess at.<p>

"Aaron, honey. Listen to me. Look at my eyes. It's just a bath, okay. Remember the first day you came? When you took a bath to feel better?" Emily tried, but it was no use. Aaron shook and sobbed.

Gently, she took off his dirty pajamas and tried to wipe him down before setting him in the water, but he refused to let go and tried to climb her like a tree.

"I'm not leaving you, okay? I'm staying right here. You just need to relax, okay? This will make you feel better. It'll help, okay?" she soothed. She tried again, and got more of him in the water. He screamed.

Emily could hear Spencer crying in the living room. She saw Derek hovering in the doorway of the bathroom. "Honey, can you go and hang out with Spencer for a few minutes? Aaron's okay. He's just scared."

It took endless minutes to get Aaron in the tub and clean. He writhed and fought through getting his hair washed and Emily's gentle insistence that he bathe himself thoroughly. It was only by chance that things took a turn for the better. "You know what likes the water?" she asked, keeping her voice as gentle and kind as when she used to talk to Jack and Henry when they were babies. "Viperfish."

For the first time since Emily found him in his room, Aaron looked at her instead of through her. "Water is where Viperfish can relax. They fight and act out when they're scared, right? But in the water, they don't have to be scared, do they?"

"No," Aaron offered hoarsely.

"Okay. Can you take a deep breath for me?" Emily asked, grateful for the air freshener that made the stench almost bearable. "You were really scared for a while, weren't you? Can you tell me about it?"

Aaron looked down and shook his head. His cheeks were flushed and his brown eyes were bright with fever. She sent Derek down to get new pajamas for Aaron. Even after the bath, Aaron clung to her, refusing to let go until she promised not to leave.

Once he was dressed, she scooped him up and stopped by the linen closet for three more spare comforters. One for Aaron, one for Derek and one for herself. There was no chance she would go to sleep now. She needed them all within sight of her, and they obviously needed her.

She kissed Spencer, who slept with his arm wrapped around his bucket and then made her way to Derek, Aaron still cradled in her arms.

"Thanks for your help tonight, buddy. I know you're not feeling good either. I really appreciate it."

"No problem," he said, though goosebumps rose on his flesh. She wrapped the comforter around him. "Did you mean what you said before?" he asked softly. "About not makin' us work for you."

"Absolutely. What happened to you is not okay and it's not normal. People who love their kids don't sell them to make money. People who are sick do. I have a job, right? You've seen people come to look at my paintings, haven't you? And to that art show?"

"It doesn't seem like a very stable job, though… What if you don't sell a lot one month or something?" he said, suspicious again.

"Okay. This isn't something I discuss, and it isn't something I want you repeating, do you understand, because it's considered rude to talk about money. But I'm telling you because you need to know. My parents always made quite a bit of money at their jobs. So I have always been well off financially. Money isn't something I worry about, and it's not something I want you worrying about."

"So you're rich?" Derek asked, swallowing. "Nobody told me that."

"It's not something I discuss," Emily repeated. "But I don't want you to live in fear that one day I'm going to be destitute enough to make the same decisions as the last person you lived with…"

"So, why would you wanna adopt _me_, then? I don't get that. Why not just these two?"

"Because I love all of you. I want all of you to be my sons if that's something you want. I want you to remember what it's like to have a secure home and a family who takes care of one another and doesn't use each other for their own gain."

"Seriously?" he asked, his guard dropping just a little.

"Seriously," she echoed.

"That's it?"

"That's it."

And Emily watched, speechless, as Derek kissed his own fingertips and pressed them to her cheek. It was as close as he had come five months to showing appropriate affection.

"Night, Emily," he said.

"Good night, Derek," she echoed.

* * *

><p>Emily sat in the rocking chair, with Aaron in her arms. Spencer woke as the sun was coming up and made his way clumsily over to her.<p>

"Hold _me_," he said sadly.

So she reclined the chair and let him climb in on the left side while Aaron's slight body occupied the right. Derek inched his blanket closer when he thought no one was looking. By the time the sun had fully risen, her arms were full of her two boys, while the third slept curled beneath the raised footrest of the chair.

She was going to have a hell of a lot to do today, but for now, she just closed her eyes and got sleep as she could while Aaron, Derek and Spencer slept close by.

**A/N: So sorry, guys! I totally forgot about a note last time! Welcome to those of you who may have just found this story. Also...I really appreciate all of you who take the time to review...but if you aren't enjoying the story you are more than welcome to stop reading. It's impossible to please everyone, and I warned at the beginning that it wouldn't be for everyone. To those of you who are enjoying the story, I'm really glad and I hope you continue to.**


	21. Grief

Penelope was ashamed of few things more than the way she behaved at the house of a woman who offered to take her in, when Penelope's life fell apart. March was dawning crisp and cool. By now, Penelope had been sober for three months. She was doing outpatient work and weekly counseling and living in a sober house. She was eighteen now and didn't have Elle Greenaway breathing down her neck, but she checked in anyway, which was nicer than Penelope would admit. It was nice to have someone care about her, when they were not obligated.

Sometimes, Penelope read the Christmas card Emily gave her. She kept it close at hand and looked at it whenever she had difficult days. _I see something in you,_ Emily had written. _Something that reminds me of me at your age. There was a time when I was as lost as you feel. But I believe that if you want to, you can make the choice to heal and give something beautiful back to the world. I'm sorry for misleading you. But I am not sorry I met you. Please take care. Emily._

It was the message in the card that sent Penelope back to Emily's neighborhood on a Wednesday. She deliberately picked a time when the kids were in school because the last thing she wanted to do was freak them out. This wasn't about her, and fulfilling a need in herself to have a mother and three brothers again. This was about apologizing and doing something to make up for her actions in December.

She knocked on the door of the beautiful red brick house and waited. It looked more striking now that she was sober. She wished fervently that she hadn't screwed everything up and scared small children so badly that she wasn't allowed back inside.

"Yes?" Emily said, pulling the door open and staring.

Penelope's heart galloped in her chest. "It's me…" she said, "Penelope Garcia."

She hadn't realized that she changed so much that she might be unrecognizable. But the green hair was gone, replaced by her natural blonde. She wore fun, loud make-up and had some color in her face again. She looked healthy.

"Oh… Penelope… Is everything okay?" Emily asked, stepping outside and closing the door behind her.

"Everything's fine. I just…wanted to come by and apologize to you for everything. Drunk or not, grieving or not, I knew what I was doing was wrong and I'm so sorry for all the damage I caused to your house…and your boys… I'm sorry for calling you names…and making your life more difficult than it had to be. I don't have money to pay you back, but I was wondering if there was some work I could do to pay you back for the things I did."

"I'm not sure this is a good idea, Penelope…" Emily hedged.

"If you don't trust me in the house, I completely understand. I can stick to outside chores if you like. Anything you need. If it helps, I've been sober since that day. I'm really working on myself and I'm in counseling. Living at a sober house. I don't want to worm my way in or try to take advantage of you. I just want to do something, like you said. I want to give something beautiful back where I caused so much heartache."

"Come with me…" Emily said, and quietly led Penelope to the shed in the corner of her yard. "I've always wanted a garden, but I can't keep anything but the rocks out front," she smiled. "I can't do high-maintenance, but I've got some supplies here. Spades, seeds, and soil. I can't pay you. And I need you gone by the time the boys come home."

"Of course," Penelope nodded. Without another word, she gathered the things and got to work.

* * *

><p>For the first few days, Emily didn't speak to Penelope. It wasn't that she was being petty; it was that she honestly didn't know what to say. In the past few months, she seemed to have transformed from a troubled, tortured soul into someone with a future and hope. It was Emily's dream for all the kids who passed through her doors, except she couldn't take credit for how Penelope was turning out. That was all her.<p>

"Someone in your family must have a green thumb…" Emily mused, seeing the progress Penelope had made.

"My mother," she smiled. "And my step-dad, too. They both loved gardening. I always thought it was kind of a lame hobby…until now…" Penelope said, seeming suddenly sadder.

"You miss them," Emily observed.

Penelope nodded and Emily could see her pressing her lips together; willing herself not to speak.

"Go ahead," she urged.

"It's just…I was a terrible daughter while they were alive. Not the whole time, but the last couple years? I really…I don't know…just lost my way. Now, I'd give anything to feel close to them again." Penelope said wistfully.

Emily sat quietly, watching Penelope work. There wasn't much to say that wouldn't feel hollow and trite, so Emily stayed silent. She wondered if it was right to allow Penelope back after all the stress she'd caused. But the deeper part of Emily believed that everyone deserved a second chance. Penelope was doing her best to make things right. To do better. If there were appropriate boundaries in place, Emily didn't see why Penelope couldn't succeed in righting her wrongs.

* * *

><p>Spencer missed his mother, the literature professor, so much. It sometimes hurt inside like a physical pain in his heart. He tried to ignore it, but it didn't do anything but make it worse. At night, he dreamed of her having episodes alone. Being scared of all the colors in the world, when they were just there to make the planet unique and special. He dreamed of her hurting herself when she got overwhelmed. He dreamed of her calling his name and him not being able to get to her because she was trapped and so was he. Sometimes, Anderson was there, taking him away. Spencer would fight and scream, but it never worked. He always woke up at Emily's and missed his mother even more.<p>

Soon, March was going to turn into April. There was a new garden outside, magically. Spencer thought that government spies planted it, but Emily said they didn't. She said Penelope did, and that made him nervous, just like April made him nervous. That was the month Anderson took him away. Whenever Anderson came to check on him now, Spencer always ran and hid, because he didn't want to leave. But in April, it wouldn't matter how well he hid or how much Anderson said that he was just coming for a visit. Because April was the month for taking people.

Spencer got out of bed even though it was still dark and the moon was full. That was a sign. Derek told him Bob Dylan wasn't really spying on him. Emily told him colors were just colors, but sometimes, Spencer went back to his old way of thinking. Sometimes he was scared all the time. He didn't like the dark. He didn't like the dreams. He didn't like Penelope planting flowers for the government, and he didn't like April.

He sneaked out the back door and stood in the backyard bravely. "Come and get me!" he screamed. "I said come and get me! Take me to my mother!" Spencer yelled. It only made sense. In April, they had taken him away from his mother. Maybe this April, they would see that he and his mother were reunited. If the government had her already, it would make sense that they would go to the same place.

When nothing happened, Spencer sat down and waited. It was cold and windy. His green pajamas didn't protect him from the weather that much. Slowly, he felt the fear come inside his body. It was so, so dark out here. Where Bob Dylan and the government could see him. Anxiety grew inside him like a fire. He pulled at his pajamas, until his sleeves came up. He scratched his face like he'd seen his mother do. He looked at the grass. Green. Green meant go.

He had to go, or something terrible would happen.

So, he ran down the street, not the sidewalk, until he got to Dave and Carolyn's house. Dave worked for the government. Dave could probably send messages or get him to his mother. Why hadn't he thought of that before?

He knocked at the door frantically. When no one answered, he threw himself at it. He couldn't breathe and he couldn't see because he was crying. He wanted to see his mother. He didn't want to get taken away but it was going to happen all because of April. The world was too confusing.

"Let me in!" he screamed. "Please! I need to come in!"

"Whoa, whoa, kiddo… What is it?" Dave asked. He looked different in pajamas.

"I need you to let me get back to my mother!" he exclaimed, out of breath. "I can't let her be alone."

* * *

><p>Dave quickly brought Spencer inside and locked the door behind them. He surveyed the child. Cold, rumpled, and scratched in the face…and very clearly sleepwalking. Dave stared more intently. "Spencer, are you awake? Come on and wake up. Look at me kiddo."<p>

Spencer's face crumbled and he started to cry. For the first time since Dave had met him, he was completely unable to communicate. He just cried and cried. Dave held him on his lap and tried soothing him gently.

"We'll get it figured out. It's okay. I'm not mad, all right? We'll just call Emily and let her know you're safe." He hung up with Emily just in time for Spencer to wind himself up again.

"I…want…my…mother!" Spencer gasped, tears running down his cheeks. "My…_real_…mother!"

"I see…" Dave said sadly, and hugged him a little tighter. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"_Yes_!" he insisted, near hysteria. "Can you…tell…the government to take me…too…please?"

"Spencer, the government didn't take your mother," Dave said certainly.

"The state….then… It's a state…hospital…" he managed. "Tell them to take me, too! I need to be there! I need her! I can't be in this world. It's too scary. I'll be crazy, too! I'll be like her and then you'll have to let us be together…" Spencer insisted, seeming less and less coherent.

"Hey…hey… I don't know a lot about your situation, all right? But I know your mother loves you very much. She doesn't want you in a hospital. She wants you to grow up happy and healthy at Emily's house, right? She signed some papers when your case worker came to pick you up, I bet."

Spencer sniffed and forced himself to think back. She _had_ signed papers. Could Dave be right? "But I miss her…" he insisted, his voice breaking. "And it's almost April, so I thought it might be backward custody or something. Like a really long April Fool's joke. Last year I got taken away. This year, I could go back…"

"That's not the way it works, Spencer. You're still a very little boy and I know there are some things that are difficult for you to understand. I'm going to be very honest with you. There is no backward custody. It's not a joke. You live with Emily now. Your mother will never stop loving you or missing you, but your home is with Emily. No one is coming to take you away. Even in April."

"But I want them to," he sighed into Dave's chest. "I miss my mother…"

"I'm sorry about that. I'm going to take you back to Emily's now, okay?" he said gently.

Spencer nodded into his shoulder.

As promised, Dave delivered Spencer safely into Emily's arms, and pressed a small tape recorder into her palm. From his days as a cop, he couldn't break the habit of having one nearby, and he had recorded the conversation for Emily's notes and for Spencer's therapist. They needed to be aware of what was going on with this boy.

* * *

><p>"What happened, buddy? Huh?" Emily asked, holding Spencer and the tape recorder awkwardly. She dropped it off in her bedside table drawer and returned to the living room where she sat on the couch with Spencer who was still crying. "Why did you go to Dave's house? It's really late at night?"<p>

Derek and Aaron appeared almost simultaneously. Aaron stayed silent but Derek asked if everything was okay.

"Yes, everything's fine. I need you to go back to bed. I love you both," she said, focusing on Spencer, who couldn't be consoled. The only clue Emily had gathered from Dave was that Spencer had sleepwalked, and that he missed his mother.

She made a note to call his therapist right away and schedule him an extra appointment. Most kids grieved the loss of their former lives sooner, but Spencer was a special little guy. He intellectualized until he couldn't anymore. Now, he just cried. So, Emily just held him and rocked him.

She just assured him that everything would be okay. They would get through this together.

**A/N: Spencer's grief has finally hit him. Poor little guy. Hopefully now he can start to heal. And Penelope's back, too. Feel free to share your thoughts! I was so happy to see so many of you enjoying this when I woke up this morning!**


	22. Boomerang

Penelope bloomed like the flowers she planted. Talking helped. Listening helped. Her favorite part of her days came in her brief window of time between her job as a barista at a local coffee shop and planting flowers at Emily's. It wasn't easy. Sometimes, she wanted to lose herself again, because it seemed like an easier way to cope than dealing with the grief - with the knowledge that she was largely to blame for her parents' deaths. Instead of partying, Penelope found solace at the cemetery. She found comfort there, and sadness, too.

She wasn't alone there because there were always mourners. One, in particular, caught her attention. He was a man who stank of booze, so Penelope stayed away. One day, when he left, Penelope made her way through the rows of gravestones and stopped in front of the one the man sat in front of, rambling incoherent sentences of regret. She stared at the headstone.

_JANET JAREAU_

_June 16, 1994 - September 8, 2011 _

"_Beloved Daughter" _

Penelope's throat closed with emotion. This girl was her age. Though she went back to her parents, Penelope's thoughts remained with Janet and what had happened to end her life when she was so young. Penelope cultivated a growing interest in the paranormal and read everything she could on ghosts. It helped to believe that her parents were still around, just in another form.

She never lost interest in Janet. Penelope returned to the cemetery daily. She always found Janet's father there, crying and brandishing a pair of sewing scissors at people who came to close to the grass he was pruning. Then one day, at sunset, a girl took his place. The glow of a lit cigarette did little to distinguish her features, but Penelope could see a little. Enough to see that the girl was too young to be smoking. She slipped away while the girl was still talking. She hadn't wanted to intrude on confidence between sisters. But the image stayed with her for weeks. This little girl sitting on her dead sister's headstone.

Penelope did her best to put Janet and the girl out of her head when she pulled into Emily's driveway. God, she loved this house. It seemed like such a haven. She loved keeping track of how the boys were doing based on what was in the yard. Today, three bikes were parked haphazardly in the open garage. Green, blue and silver. A baseball was lying on the grass. She looked at the chalk designs under her feet and laughed out loud. Not hopscotch, but a chess board.

She greeted Emily and got to work as Emily brought out her art and painted while they visited with one another. Penelope had been at this for a month, and Emily was starting to trust her a little bit. She still wasn't allowed inside, but Emily would leave her for a few minutes if she needed to do something inside. Penelope enjoyed the company, though. She looked forward to sitting with Emily and talking about whatever.

She loved hearing stories of Emily's wild and romantic youth in other countries, but Penelope knew from the cryptic remarks in the Christmas card that Emily's life hadn't been free of heartache. Penelope didn't press, and every once in a while, Emily would share a story, while she painted a large canvas in the yard.

"Can I ask you something?" Penelope wondered. She knew the boys were off-limits and was determined to respect whatever boundaries Emily put in place, if it meant she could keep coming back. "It's kind of personal."

"Sure," Emily agreed, after a pause.

"Is this what you imagined for yourself? I mean, after what happened to your friend? You had to have run a little wild when you were young, right? Did you ever think someday you'd be helping others like this?"

"No," Emily admitted. "Actually, it's just over the last decade or so that it even crossed my mind as a possibility. It's never too late to change. And I'm very proud of you."

"Thanks," Penelope smiled, wiping off her hands and rising to her feet. "Can I see?" she asked, hoping for a glimpse of Emily's work.

"Of course."

Penelope came around and gasped a little, taking in the sight of her own hands carefully planting flowers in rich brown earth. She wasn't sure what she was more impressed by, the detail in the hands themselves that made them perfectly Penelope's - right down to the dirt under her purple polished nails - or the beauty of the flowers Emily captured. Penelope didn't know much about flowers, but she was learning. Today, she was planting some of the same flowers she'd seen in a magazine. They were vibrant and pink, and caused Emily to volunteer that Spencer would really like them.

"How are they?" Penelope asked quietly.

"They're great. Really thriving. I think the adoption going though has really been positive for them."

"Oh, that's amazing," Penelope smiled. "I'm happy for you." And she was, but she wished the same could be true for her. She wished she hadn't thrown away her own chance at happiness. Her smile faded and she looked into the distance.

"Do you believe that there's something else out there…after life as we know it?" Penelope asked. She shook her head suddenly. "You don't have to answer that."

"No, it's okay. I think there is," Emily nodded.

"I hang out at the cemetery sometimes… My parents, you know…and it just got me wondering… Where are they? I hope they're close by…but that's not even the worst of it…" she trailed off.

"What is the worst of it?" Emily asked, curious.

"There's this man who's always in the cemetery, too. Every day. Drunk as hell, so I stay away from him but once I came up to the headstone after he left. I figured he'd been grieving his wife, or something…but he wasn't… It was his daughter, Emily. A girl younger than me…and I just…I don't know…I can't stop thinking of her…"

"That's awful…" Emily agreed. "Death happens to all of us. We can't escape it and we can't stop living…"

"Has it happened to you?" Penelope asked gently.

"It happens to all of us…" Emily repeated, and focused on her painting again.

* * *

><p>It was the end of May, when it happened again… When Ashley Seaver came to pick her up from another house. It had been an awful year. She couldn't deny it. This time, JJ sat in Ashley's office while she made phone calls. That's because JJ has proven herself to be so untrustworthy. She had lasted six weeks at her dad's. Then, he got drunk again and started beating the shit out of her when he discovered she hadn't been to school. That she'd been stealing She had been dumb enough to start believing things might be okay, but they weren't.<p>

When Ashley came to check on JJ, she saw the raw marks on the back of JJ's bare legs. The idea of changing clothes, of pulling pants or jeans on over the injury had JJ's eyes watering, so she just sat and hoped Ashley wouldn't notice anything. But of course Ashley did. Then, it was off to another foster home. And another. And another. JJ didn't stay long in any of them. When her legs healed, she was right back to her old ways. No one could handle her, and JJ made sure of it. She turned twelve and there was no party. She was grounded at her third foster home for acting out.

Ashley sighed and flipped through files on her desk. JJ sighed and thought about asking her for a soda, but figured Ashley would see through that in a second. She would know that all JJ wanted was a chance to escape.

* * *

><p>Ashley kept an eye on JJ, while wracking her brain for possible placements. Her biological father had given up parental rights. He made it no secret that he didn't want JJ. That she was more trouble than she was worth. Since that day last June, JJ had been in and out of five homes. The last two placements had lasted only days. Ashley needed to do right by this girl. Ashley thought back. Tried to think of a time and place when JJ seemed secure and relatively happy. It was getting late, and Ashley had nearly resigned herself to calling a group home to see if they had open space. By chance, her eyes fell on the file of Emily Prentiss.<p>

Ashley hadn't been in touch with Emily for the better part of a year. She knew based on reports from Gina that she had adopted three boys who had been in her care. Ashley flipped though the sheets of paper. Yes, she was still fostering.

"Yes," Ashley said, her tone all-business. "This is Ashley Seaver…"

* * *

><p>It was like a dream to see JJ, a dream and a crushing blow all at once. In order for her to be in care again, something had to have gone horribly wrong with her father. Each night, Emily prayed for her safety. She wrote monthly, but had received no reply since last June when JJ was "so pumped" school was going to be out soon.<p>

She was very much the same, but changing, too. Where Emily remembered a slim, petite child, JJ now had slight curves of adolescence. Her face was a little fuller, but her eyes were wary. Her hair was greasy. She moved as if she had no hope left. Emily cursed the shitty luck that JJ's biological dad had lived on a county line. He moved and went back multiple times. That was the reason, when JJ came back into the system, Emily had no knowledge of it.

Emily and the boys had just returned from Derek's baseball game. They lost, but Derek played his hardest. He came alive on the team, and really seemed to thrive knowing that he wasn't going to be uprooted and moved somewhere else. There were still issues. There would always be issues. But between Derek, Emily and the therapist and everyone else Emily counted on for support, she knew they would make it. Derek had just turned thirteen and was ecstatic over the new bat and glove he received as gifts.

Aaron would have made a good coach, at least Emily thought so. He understood the mechanics of the game, and knew instinctively whether a runner should go to the next base or stop. While Aaron didn't enjoy playing team sports, he loved watching them and cheering Derek on. Unlike the other kids his age, who were at the local playground, Aaron was glued to the bleachers, telling Derek, he could do it. Telling Derek that they all believed in him.

Spencer was baffled by the game and was constantly asking when they could go home. Asking if he could use the port-o-john near the field, because he had never been in one. Emily learned quickly to always keep hold of Spencer's hand, because curiosity about anything at all could set him wandering. And, occasionally, he still panicked at the unexpected outdoors, like a helicopter flying overhead.

Now, all three boys were crowded around the laptop, watching the 2003 remake of _Cheaper by the Dozen_. All three boys seemed to identify with one character's feeling lost and alienated, and moving to a new place. The humor in the movie helped diffuse what could otherwise be triggering moments. Being bullied by kids at school. Not fitting in with siblings. They always watched with Emily so she was available to answer Spencer's countless questions and talk about what was going on.

Aaron glanced up when he realized JJ was there, and abandoned Spencer and Derek.

"JJ! You came back! Guess what? Us three?" he said gesturing to himself, and the other boys. "We got adopted, and I got a new name. So do they. Emily smiled as Aaron ushered her over to the laptop to watch the movie with them.

She remembered the day of the adoption vividly. How excited Aaron was. How nervous Derek was. How clingy Spencer was. Dave and Carolyn were present and Nathaniel and Cary made the trip from Vermont to be there for the big day. Emily couldn't stop smiling when she remembered the thought all the boys had put into their names. All three would take her last name and keep his own first name, but each one's middle name was debated daily. Finally, Spencer insisted on taking his former last name as his middle name, after Emily strongly discouraged him from taking the name Diana as a middle name. Derek kept his original middle name, while Aaron came up with a brand new one, wanting no part of his old life. He easily abandoned the original, Scott, after his biological father, and instead, Aaron thought carefully and settled on David, in honor of Dave, who was more like a grandfather than anyone Aaron had ever known.

At the end of the court proceedings, she had her boys. Derek Joseph Prentiss, Aaron David Prentiss and Spencer Reid Prentiss. Emily found the few friends who came to celebrate with them. She saw Dave with tears in his eyes, greeting each new family member with a kiss on the cheek, and a "Welcome to the family." None of the three had yet quite warmed up to calling Emily "mom" yet, but she was okay with that, confident that it would come with time.

JJ didn't say much, but joined them quietly. Emily exchanged a few words with Ashley and got the most pressing information about the girl who had disappeared from her life last year. The little she learned broke Emily's heart. It was everything she feared. She sat down with the four of them after Ashley left and happily let Spencer crawl all over her to achieve the "most comfortable position." Then, he rattled off what he knew about the history of the movie and how this remake, in fact, had little resemblance to the original book.

"Derek, this is JJ. Did you guys meet?" Emily asked, once the movie was finished.

"Yeah, we did. I've got your room now…but I'm trying to convince Emily to let me move downstairs." He offered Emily a genuine smile and then turned back to JJ. "She says she's still thinking."

JJ stared at him, her expression unreadable.

"Actually, I think a move downstairs is a great idea," Emily agreed. It hadn't taken more than a few words with Ashley for Emily to realize that JJ's stealing was worse than ever, and putting her downstairs would only encourage secrecy.

Emily was glad it was a Friday night. Their schedule was going to be a little crazy until JJ settled in, especially tonight. Derek, was clearly ready to move downstairs, and immediately started hauling things to the spare downstairs room. The comforter and sheets. His pillow. His baseball stuff. Aaron and Spencer offered to take the smaller things. Framed pictures, which Aaron carried with reverence. The Boston Red Sox pillow pet, which Spencer carried on his back like an appendage. Meanwhile, Emily set to work getting the sheets and comforter JJ liked out of the linen closet. Then, she sent her to shower, while Emily checked her belongings thoroughly.

There was a whole hoard of stolen items. Most broken. And precious little that actually belonged to JJ. Most notably, the painting Emily did, the life book, and the butterfly blanket JJ had cherished were nowhere to be found. Emily tried not to get angry. Just because she had sent JJ with everything she accumulated in three months time, and none of it was here…well…it couldn't be JJ's fault. She had always been possessive of what was hers. Just like last year, she had the clothes on her back, and not much else. Emily had even sent her in to shower with a spare set of pajamas.

* * *

><p>JJ bit her lip as she walked down the hall to her old room. It still had guy stuff in it from Derek, but every so often, he or one of the little boys would come up and take something else downstairs. It made her feel empty…and the idea that these boys had the permanence that she craved made JJ want to curl into a ball and not face anything. Emily wasn't going to put up with any of her shit. Emily was going to make sure she went to school, and caught up in school, and didn't steal, and went to therapy, and all the things that JJ hated, but really needed.<p>

The thing was, she was so used to being on her own. Way more used to it now than the first time she came here. Her dad parented her for about a week - or tried - before he gave up because she was too much for him to take. Then, he let her do whatever she wanted and let her lie when Ashley came to check on her because he didn't want to get in trouble for neglecting her.

She was a great liar now, but JJ suspected Emily would be able to tell. Emily could tell, even from day one, when JJ was dumb enough to steal her credit card and put it in the back pocket of her jeans.

When Derek came in for the millionth time, Emily talked to him quietly. "I need a few minutes to talk to JJ privately, okay? You need to start thinking about sleeping, soon, all right? Pass on the message to your brothers."

He nodded, and left. JJ wished he would have stayed. Things were always better with another person around to be a buffer. She picked that logic up from Aaron. He was right, it turned out.

JJ could feel Emily staring at her bare legs and tucked them underneath her. The scars left behind were more embarrassing than the beating was, because she had to live with them forever, and the way people looked at her because of them.

"I'm okay…" she offered, since Emily didn't seem to know what to say.

"I really doubt that's true, JJ," Emily said, but it was soft. "And I'm so sorry about that."

JJ couldn't concentrate on what was being said. She kept staring at the room. It was so clean. So empty. Her dad's house had started out that way and gotten filthy in no time. The lights and the heat got taken away because he didn't pay the bills. JJ tried to get the money before her dad did, to buy what they needed, but when that didn't work, she fell back into stealing. She thought about Emily every time, and how disappointed she would be.

"I don't have to stay…" JJ offered. "I mean…you've got real kids now. You don't need me around…"

"We absolutely need you around. All of us. Aaron still talks about you all the time. Dave and Carolyn miss you like crazy. _I _missed you, JJ. Honey, I never wanted you to go…" Emily said, like she was trying not to cry.

"Sometimes, you have to do things you don't want to do. Sometimes you have to leave the people you love… It's just the way life is…" JJ said, feeling much older than twelve.

"And sometimes, you come back to the people you love, and the people who love you," Emily said seriously. "I know you've had a bad time of it lately, but we're going to work on it together, okay? We're going to get you back on track."

"What if I don't want your help?" JJ asked, her eyes flashing with temper. "What if I want to be left alone? I was before. I survived," she said defiantly. "I obviously don't need you feeling sorry for me."

Emily took JJ's hand, horrifying her. Why would Emily want to touch her? No one had touched her in so long…

"No one wants to be alone, JJ…and I _don't_ feel sorry for you. You're just as strong as you ever were. Stronger now, because you've had to be. Fight me all you want. I know you. I know you will. But remember that you're safe here. Remember that I can see you. That I never stopped hoping that you were all right. Remember that I've seen your good qualities and I won't stop trying to get you to see them, too."

JJ jerked her hand away.

"I started stealing again. How good do you think I am now?" she asked bitterly.

"Bad behavior doesn't negate good qualities, JJ. We'll work on the stealing. Trust me. The rules still apply. Have respect for others and yourself and do your best. The second you steal or lie to me about it, you're going to be held accountable. Your best bet would be to come to me ahead of time and tell me like we worked on last year. Do you remember?"

JJ nodded, feeling like a total loser. "I hate my life…" she said sadly. "And I hate you."

"Well, I _love you_," Emily insisted, and she wrapped her arms around JJ and held on, even as JJ sat still as a statue.

**A/N: Oh, hurrah! You guys, JJ's back! She's back! I'm so excited I could not stop writing this chapter. I love that you are loving this. Thanks so much for your support. I really do appreciate it so much. There are more chapters to come. This is not the end. **


	23. Catch

Summer came with little warning. One day, it was just upon them with an oppressive heat, brilliant blue skies and angry storms. Since JJ's arrival, things had been more difficult to balance, but Emily made it work. She and JJ decorated her room, and Emily got the original framed butterfly painting out of storage and hung it on JJ's wall above her bed. They shopped for new clothes - JJ mortified that Emily insisted on holding her hand while she was in the store.

"You know, I'm twelve now. You can't do this…" JJ had argued, narrowing her eyes dangerously.

The entire trip had been tense. JJ wasn't interested in the clearance rack and Emily wasn't interested in the tiny summer clothing JJ had her mind set on. It was different having a girl in the house. The little boys wore whatever she bought. Derek was still grateful for his own bed, and a house where nobody messed with him. He had his own style and made due with tee shirts with humorous sayings, athletic shorts and interesting hats that he found in the bargain bin.

"All the girls wear it," JJ objected, holding up a pair of white shorts that barely covered the areas they should cover. Worse? They said, SPANK ME in bejeweled letters on the seat. "See? Aren't they cute?"

"JJ…do you know the message that this kind of clothing sends?" Emily asked carefully.

JJ rolled her eyes. "Oh my God…" she muttered. "You're _so _old-school. It doesn't send a message. I'm confident with my body. Why is that a bad thing?"

Emily didn't call JJ's bluff. The last thing she wanted to do was embarrass her by insisting JJ was not confident in her body at all. She still hid her legs at any opportunity. Emily couldn't imagine her walking around voluntarily in booty shorts. Instead, they ventured to other parts of the store. Emily feigned interest in long dresses and skirts - floral print, jean material - all hideous. She quirked an eyebrow and held one up. "How about this?" she asked, holding the piece that seemed appropriate for the '60s…maybe… It had splashy pink and purple flowers, and it hung drab and lifeless.

"Ew…" JJ said, wrinkling her nose, but she caught Emily's spirit and cracked a smile. "_You _should wear that…. Hey, what about these?"

They went on and on in circles. JJ picking clothing appropriate for working girls and Emily vetoing each item.

JJ shrugged. "Guess I'll just have to go around naked…"

"Not funny," Emily maintained. "We'll find something for you. We just have to be willing to compromise with each other."

"It's _my_ body, why should I compromise?" JJ argued.

In the end, JJ selected tee shirts and Emily introduced her to Capri pants, by feigning a subtle interest in them and then brushing them off as something JJ would not be interested in.

"Hey, these would go with my yellow shirt. And you can't get mad because they cover practically everything." JJ smirked, holding up the jeans that fell three-fourths of the way down and flared out. There were butterflies stitched into the denim. A piece of yellow fabric was threaded through the loops at the waist like a belt.

JJ immediately wrinkled her nose and set to work pulling it free.

"Hey. You can't do that, JJ. It goes together," Emily insisted.

"Relax. I'm not stealing it. I just don't want this part," she said calmly. But Emily took the pants from her before she could do any damage to them. For all Emily knew, the belt was attached.

"Let's pay for them first. Then, we'll deal with the belt," Emily decided. "Pick out a couple more you like. We've got to finish up here and go get the boys from Dave's."

In the parking lot, JJ stopped short and looked at Emily. "Can I play baseball on Derek's team?" she asked, sounding hesitant.

"You want to play baseball?" Emily wondered, surprised. "What happened to soccer?"

JJ shrugged. "It's stupid. None of the girls take it seriously. So, can I play with the boys?"

"I'm sorry, honey, I think the teams are set. Tryouts were a while ago."

"Tryouts?" JJ scoffed. "It's Little League baseball, not the World Series."

"I know it's disappointing. Maybe we can stop by the park sometime and you and Derek can practice hitting and fielding. I'm sure we can find you a glove and a bat." She paused. "You did well in the store. I'm proud of you."

"Well, like I could have taken anything anyway, with you holding my hand like some baby."

"Come on… It's not so bad holding my hand, is it?" Emily chided, winking.

"I guess not…as long as there's not anybody I know around…" JJ smiled.

* * *

><p>It was hard to readjust to life now. Emily was strict about keeping busy in the summer, and made sure that all of them did academic stuff for a couple hours every day. JJ hated feeling singled out, but she knew she was the one who really needed it. Spencer definitely didn't. He was probably smarter than Emily was, but he seemed to crave the challenge of different assignments, books and computer games. Derek hung out with him and helped with those, and since Aaron loved being read to, he and JJ often hung out on the back porch and read chapter books. That's what Aaron called them, anyway. They were easy enough, and it was fun helping him learn stuff, instead of feeling dumb all the time.<p>

Then, came time for real work, because Emily wasn't going to let JJ fall behind. "The way I see it," she said, "you have three months to catch up with your classmates. We're not going to waste it. I'm in contact with Derek's seventh grade teachers at the middle school and they agreed to send assignments for you. We'll get you into tutoring. You're going to go back to school at grade level."

JJ hated feeling like she was stuck inside all the time, but Emily used that as motivation. "Work hard now and you can play outside afterward." They drove to a local tutoring place where all kinds of kids were trying to catch up or get special help. JJ didn't like it because some of them made fun of her and said she was stuck up.

She didn't get much done, and the bus rides were awful. She didn't know what she would do in middle school. At least Derek would be there, but he seemed to want to be with the little boys more than her.

Sometimes, when she got home, JJ saw an older girl in the yard, planting flowers. She was curious, but not curious enough to check things out. Aaron darted outside to meet her. "JJ's home!" he called loudly, surprising her. "Can we go to the park now?"

"Dude, shut up. Not all of us wanna go hang out at the park. Some of us got friends we wanna hang with…" Derek grumbled, following Aaron outside.

"Yeah," Spencer piped up. "Like me. Right, Derek?"

"Derek, JJ was interested in playing baseball and I thought you two could play for a little bit," Emily suggested diplomatically.

"So, it's all about JJ now? What about me?" he asked hotly. "Me and some guys on the team were gonna do stuff."

"Whatever, I was just kidding around. I don't want to play anything with you, jerk!" JJ exclaimed. Turning, she ran for the park.

* * *

><p>Emily felt torn. She couldn't very well leave three kids to go after one. Derek clearly needed a reality check, and Aaron and Spencer still misinterpreted Emily's going anywhere without adequate notice. A bright, colorful figure rushed by. Emily had all but forgotten Penelope was here.<p>

"I'll get her and bring her back. Scout's honor," Penelope promised and kept moving to catch up with JJ.

Emily turned to face Derek. "When JJ comes back, you need to apologize to her. Rudeness doesn't get you anywhere in this family. Do you understand?"

"She's not even _in_ this family… _We_ are," Derek muttered.

"I'm really disappointed in the way you're acting right now," Emily told him seriously.

"Well, she's already been here once! Y'all said already! It's not like she's really new! She knows how it goes around here…" Derek scoffed.

Emily opened her mouth to speak, but Aaron spoke up first, surprising her.

"I was here once before, too. But it was still scary. Lots of things change when you leave and come back. It's worse the second time because you know you can go home. We got adopted, but JJ's not. If it were me…I'd be scared I could leave and go somewhere else any minute. She's been nice to you and she used to protect me. It's not fair to treat her wrong just because you're selfish," he said, narrowing his eyes. "There's more people in the world than just you."

"Who do you think you are? The president?" Derek exclaimed. "God, I just say one wrong thing and everybody jumps on me…"

"I'm not…" Spencer offered in a tiny voice. "Can you not fight anymore, though? It makes me nervous…"

Derek pressed his lips together as Emily looked on, impressed with her sons and their progress. Aaron was unafraid to speak up. Spencer was talking about what upset him more freely. Even Derek's desire to spend time with friends was proof that he was healing, but the way he was going about it definitely needed correcting.

"I'm sorry…" Derek apologized honestly.

"I'm not the one who needs the apology…" Spencer pointed out.

"Hey! Sunshine! Slow down!" Penelope called. She felt weird calling JJ by her name when they had never spoken before. But this kid could run, and Penelope was still not in the shape she would have liked. "Peaches!" she called, catching her breath.

"What?" JJ whipped around, tears in her eyes. "That's not my name, by the way…"

"I know…" Penelope panted. "I just wanted you to slow down. I'm not as fit as I used to be…"

JJ sank down and slid inside the open dome of the jungle gym. It was shaped like a sphere, with bars that made triangular patterns. It was big enough for a tiny girl like JJ to slip inside without trouble. For Penelope…well…she would have to make due outside the bars.

Penelope watched helplessly as JJ buried her face in her arms. She cried so quietly Penelope could scarcely hear her, but her body shook with emotion that broke Penelope's heart. "What is it, honey?" Penelope asked.

"I want to go home…" JJ insisted, her voice breaking. "I miss my sister…"

"Well, I'm sure if it's possible, Emily can work something out…" Penelope hedged.

"It's not possible! She's dead and it won't matter! Going home won't make any difference! The only way I can ever see her is if I kill myself because that's what she did, but I'm too big of a coward to do it!" she sobbed, her arms wrapped around her raised knees.

"JJ…" Penelope managed, though her own throat was tight with unshed tears. "You don't want to do that…"

"Yes, I do! I hate it here! This whole thing sucks and I just want to be wherever she is… She gets to be free! She gets everything and she left me behind and our life fell apart all because of her! My parents stopped loving me because of her!" JJ seethed. "My dad would rather sit at the cemetery and keep the grass than make sure I go to school or come home at night!"

Penelope's heart skipped a beat. "You're the girl from the cemetery…" she breathed. "You're Janet's sister?"

JJ's head snapped up. "How did you know her name?"

"My parents are buried at the same cemetery. I saw your dad a few times. Lots of times actually. And then one night I saw you, but it was dark, and I couldn't see very well. You sat on the headstone and smoked."

JJ stared with wide eyes. "So, you were spying on me?" she asked, her nose stuffy from crying.

"No, I swear. I left soon after you got there. I didn't want to intrude. Your sister, though, she just…I think about her a lot."

"You didn't even know her…" JJ scoffed, her voice low.

"No, I didn't. But I know you. She was Janet. I'm guessing your name starts with a J, too?"

"Jennifer," JJ admitted. "But no one calls me that, unless I'm in trouble or something, because I'll deck them otherwise."

"I see… Well, if it's okay with Em…I could take you to visit your sister once in a while, whenever I go visit my parents…"

"Really?" JJ asked, feeling hopeful for the first time in a while. "But I can't go there if my dad's there. There's a court order that he has to stay away from me."

"Yeah, really. Come on out of there. We'll ask Emily and see what she says and I can always scope out the place beforehand, and make sure it's safe. If he came around, we could just get out of there fast."

JJ made her way out of the jungle gym and took the hand that was offered.

"I'm Penelope, by the way," she introduced, shaking JJ's hand.

"Yeah, I know. Aaron told me about you."

"Oh boy…" Penelope sighed, feeling the heat of shame coloring her cheeks.

"He said you wrecked the family pictures and Emily's studio, but you're planting flowers to make it up?" she questioned. "He says he's not so scared of you now. Emily explained to him that you were sick but you're working on getting better now. He says you're like a different person. He likes your pink flowers because they're different from all the rest."

Penelope smiled ruefully. "Yeah, I really screwed things up. I'm not really allowed around the boys. I was surprised Emily let me come after you."

"I'm glad it was you…" JJ admitted. "Emily seems so perfect. You seem like you've been through stuff, you know? Like, you know how it feels to lose someone."

Penelope nodded seriously, and they walked back to the house, where Penelope stood her ground with JJ - mostly because JJ was white knuckling her hand and wouldn't let go. Before they could seek out Emily, Derek met JJ in the yard. "I'm sorry," he said, sounding angry and embarrassed. "I'll play ball with you sometime, but I'm grounded now, so it'll have to wait."

"Whatever," JJ said, waving him off. She dragged Penelope over to Emily and squeezed Penelope's hand.

"I was wondering…if it would be okay if I took JJ out to the cemetery sometime to visit her sister, while I visited my parents…" Penelope asked quietly.

"Let's go inside and talk about it," Emily encouraged, grateful that JJ had opened up and that Penelope had brought her back, just like she promised.

**A/N: Sorry this one took so long, but I hope you enjoy it!**


	24. Yesterday

Friday nights were quickly becoming JJ's favorite. Especially in the summer. Friday nights meant no schoolwork, no chores, nothing that she didn't like. They were set aside for family time. They didn't do dumb things like play board games, they watched movies together mostly. They always talked over dinner about which one they'd see and what happened during the day.

It was nearing the end of August and JJ had been there for three months, almost. School was on the horizon, and so was the second anniversary of Janet's death. It was something JJ didn't discuss with Emily or anybody. She saved that strictly for therapy and even then, only talked about it because she had to. It was taking a lot longer to get her lying and stealing under control this time. She had lost her bedroom door and everything but her bed and her wall decorations, because she couldn't leave other people's shit alone. It was a character flaw, and she wanted to fix it bad. She didn't want to grow up and go to jail. Even though it had been a long time, she never forgot Officer Rossi's talk with her.

Living with the boys and Emily was okay, mostly. Derek still hated her because she'd taken his bat and glove without permission and gone to the park to hit balls to herself. She'd gotten in major trouble with Emily and had to apologize to Derek. Now, she was banned from going downstairs. It sucked.

"Your world's just going to get smaller and smaller until you learn to respect other people's property. I know this is a hard time of year for you but that isn't an excuse," Emily had said.

"Whatever," JJ shot back. "You won't even let Penelope take me to the cemetery so why should I listen to you?"

That had been the beginning of a big fight. It was lucky the boys were outside playing. Emily tried saying that she would take JJ to the cemetery whenever she wanted to go, and Penelope was welcome to come with them, but that Penelope wasn't cleared to take JJ anywhere. That had pissed JJ off even more, but she was trying to deal in a good way and not clean Emily out like she deserved. Underneath all her anger, JJ wanted to stay here. She wanted to make it work. So she tried to do what Emily suggested and take deep breaths. She tried to look for the good.

Which brought her back to Friday. She had already offered to watch Aaron and Spencer at the park. They were a lot of fun as little brothers. Aaron still really looked up to her even though she messed up a lot, and Spencer made her laugh. Today, she'd tried to teach him to pump his legs on the swing. He was almost six, and it was important skill to have. But he couldn't manage it, even when she and Aaron tried to show him how. So instead, she pushed him as high as he wanted to go. She loved hearing him exclaim, "This is _amazing_!" over and over.

Now, it was dinner time and Derek was complaining about having to stay home instead of hanging out with his buddies on the team. It made JJ jealous to hear him talk about it. She wished _she _had a team of buddies. Emily said next year she would, but next year was forever away.

"What movie would you like to see tonight?" Emily asked, taking a bite of her taco.

"I'd like to see _Gone with the Wind_. I haven't seen it in ages," Spencer insisted. It had been one of his mother's favorite movies to watch with him. She could quote the whole thing by memory. So could Spencer, but he was learning not to quote the lines with curses in them, for the same reason he was learning not to say certain words in school.

"No!" JJ, Derek and Aaron chorused together.

"That movie's like, three hours long!" she complained.

"And boring," Derek added.

"And inappropriate," Aaron insisted.

"And boring," Derek said for a good measure.

"All right. Anybody else? Aaron what do you want to see?" Emily asked and waited.

"_Hunchback of Notre Dame_," Aaron said, taking a big bite of his hard shell taco. That was his favorite Disney movie because it reminded him of his life and his biological dad and mom that treated him badly. He felt the same about wanting to escape and go into the outside world.

"I want to watch_ A Little Princess_," JJ announced, though no one asked her. She normally wouldn't be a fan of such an old movie, but it was a remake from not quite a million years ago, and she loved the idea that all girls were princesses.

"And I think I already mentioned that _I'm_ not watching anything," Derek insisted darkly. "If I can't do my thing, I'm not joining y'all in your thing, so…" he shrugged.

* * *

><p>Aaron tried to drag in air but couldn't. The big bite of taco was too big to swallow. It was blocking all his air. This happened once before when he first got to Emily's. He ate too fast and got sick. But this was different. He stood up and his chair fell over behind him. He put his hands to his throat because he had to. Not just because he learned it in school.<p>

"Aaron?" Spencer asked, curious.

"He can't breathe," Derek said, all his attitude evaporating at the sight of his brother in distress.

In seconds, Emily was standing behind him, doing something to his stomach to make him spit the food back out. It felt weird and kind of hurt, but when the bite of taco came out, and he could breathe again, Aaron didn't care. He blinked back tears.

"I'm sorry," he rasped.

"Just breathe," Emily encouraged, hugging him. "You've got to slow down when you eat, honey. That's what can happen."

As Spencer rattled off statistics about the number of lives saved with the Heimlich maneuver and Derek patted Aaron roughly on the back, JJ looked on, unnoticed.

* * *

><p>JJ sat completely still. No one said anything anyway so it was really quiet, but she felt different. She didn't feel like she could even breathe. Watching Aaron choke was like every nightmare she ever had of her sister. No one could have saved her because she didn't make any noise when she choked, just like Aaron. She knew because of overhearing Janet's friends at the funeral that at the last second, Janet probably wanted to stop. She probably wanted to get down, but she couldn't. She probably fought and tried to call out. But JJ hadn't helped then. Just like she hadn't helped now.<p>

She stared at the food on her plate. JJ had barely touched it, but didn't feel hungry now. Everybody was extra nice to Aaron, and they let him watch the movie he wanted. But JJ excused herself and sat in her room where Emily could see her because she still didn't have a door.

They sat in front of the laptop - Spencer in Emily's lap, Derek with his arm around Aaron - they were the perfect family. They were perfect and she was drowning. She was wishing Emily had taken the closet door off with the main door. JJ's insides twisted, imagining what could be on the other side.

Two hours later, after Spencer and Aaron were in bed and Emily and Derek had a big fight about his curfew and the difference between rights and privileges, Emily stopped by JJ's room.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked, sitting down on the mattress. "You passed on the movie. That's usually your favorite part of the week."

JJ shrugged, saying nothing.

"Hey. Look at me," Emily said gently.

Slowly, JJ turned to face her, wishing like hell that tears weren't still shining in her eyes.

"Come here," Emily coaxed.

But JJ shook her head. The last thing she needed was to be coddled into a breakdown. She'd seen it happen to her dad. He'd stayed strong until the funeral. Then, with everybody saying they were sorry, it just broke him and he went all crazy and started drinking.

"I'm okay," she denied.

"You blinked," Emily pointed out, playing one of JJ's favorite games. She loved spotting when Emily was lying. She could tell because Emily always blinked on key words, like when she told Spencer she _loved_ carrots. Or when she told Aaron that the picture of their family was _great_, even though he drew himself tiniest, with everyone else, even Spencer, towering over him. Or when she told Derek that she _was _God, when he exploded, "God, Emily!" over something dumb.

JJ scooted closer to Emily, not speaking. She couldn't. She hadn't. Not about this. Only in therapy. Where nothing could make it outside the doors, except if JJ said she felt like hurting herself or someone else, which she never did, because what good would that do?

"You know you can always talk to me," Emily said, sounding calm and normal. That made it easier for JJ to listen and not freak out. Even though she was closer to freaking out than she wanted to be. "Can you tell me what's upsetting you?"

"Why did Aaron have to do that?" JJ asked, horrified to hear the emotion in her own voice. The lump that swelled in her throat.

"Tonight at dinner… Honey, I'm sorry… He didn't do it on purpose. It was an accident. He didn't mean to scare you." Emily soothed, putting an arm around her.

"Well, he did!" JJ snapped. "Why did he have to do something so dumb? Haven't you told him, like, a million times by now not to stuff his face like that? He's been here forever. He's got to know you'll feed him by now, right?" she insisted, her eyes flashing with temper.

Emily was quiet, though she didn't look too happy with JJ at the moment. She was listening. She was waiting for JJ to say more.

She tried, but JJ found it was impossible. She started shaking and couldn't catch her breath. When she felt Emily's hand on her, JJ fought it off, terror racing through her.

"JJ…Listen to me…" Emily said, her tone serious and controlled, like she was done messing around. "You are fine. Put your head between your knees and breathe slowly."

But JJ couldn't. She couldn't stand anyone touching her right now. She tried to stand up, but Emily held tightly to her. Her hand was on JJ's back, pressing her forward, urging her to breathe.

"If you stand up now, you'll pass out. I need you to relax and breathe. You're just fine. You're with me. I won't let anything happen to you," Emily reassured, rubbing small circles on JJ's back and listening for her breathing to return to normal.

After several minutes, JJ sat up slowly, her face red, and tears on her face. "I couldn't help her…" JJ said softly, her voice breaking. "Her friends said they played that game to get a high and at the last second they always wanted to fight and get out of it, but they never could!"

Emily was silent, holding onto JJ.

"None of them did it on purpose, but _she did_!" JJ sobbed. She tried to steady herself, the fear of ending up like her dad clawing up her throat.

"It's okay to be sad," Emily reassured. "It's a difficult loss, and I'm sorry it happened to you. You can let it out."

JJ shook her head, adamant. "I'm already too much like my mom. I don't want to end up like my dad…" she scoffed.

"How so?" Emily wondered.

"My mom ran away from us. She ran from everything just like I am. If I let myself go, I'm gonna end up crazy like my dad. It's better to be strong."

"Sometimes, it's better just to let yourself _be _whatever you are," Emily soothed, stroking JJ's hair gently. "There's nothing that says you're going to end up like your parents. You can choose a different path if you want it. You're almost thirteen. You've grown a lot since you were eleven…"

"Sometimes, it still feels like it happened yesterday…" JJ managed, sniffling.

"I'm sorry…and I'm here for you," Emily whispered, resting her chin on JJ's head and vowing to get JJ through the coming week.

**A/N: Big time sadness happening for JJ and Derek seems bent on rebellion. Hopefully things get better for them soon. I have an end in sight but it is not soon. Welcome to all the new readers who have discovered What Makes a Family and thank you to EVERYONE who has been reading and enjoying the story so far! I appreciate all of you tons!**


	25. Descending

Emily rose early on the first Tuesday in September. This year, she would have two at the local junior high and two at the elementary school. Getting Derek and JJ up was Emily's first order of business. They both had alarm clocks, and they both were skilled at ignoring them, even when Emily had started leaving them across the room so they had to get up to turn them off. The junior high started at 8:15, the elementary school at 9:00. Driving Derek and JJ was a must, and leaving Aaron and Spencer on their own was not an option. Emily already had Dave and Carolyn lined up to come over while she dropped off the big kids.

"Good morning," Emily greeted softly from Derek's doorway. A year later, she was still careful not to cross any boundaries, especially with regard to his bedroom. There were no kisses on the forehead, as there were with Aaron, Spencer and even JJ, to rouse them from sleep. Derek seldom initiated such affection and when he did, it was on his way out the door, usually to a ballgame. He claimed it was "for luck" and Emily didn't mind.

He groaned in response, ignoring his clock radio blaring some hard rock song and tossing a pillow in the general direction of the door.

"Get up, buddy. School in an hour."

"I don't need an hour to get ready…" he complained. "Wake me up at 8:00."

"I'm pulling out of the driveway at 8:00," Emily countered. "If you're not ready to go, you're on your own getting to school. I'm waking you up now. I want you up and moving," she insisted softly.

Emily climbed the stairs to check on JJ, shocked to see her dressed in pretty jeans with splashy red flowers and a coordinating top. Her bed was made. She seemed anxious.

"Hey. Good morning. You okay?" Emily asked.

JJ bit her lip. "I'm trying to make a different choice," she admitted, casting haunted glances at her own closet door, which stood consistently ajar now.

"That's my girl," Emily smiled, putting an arm around JJ's shoulder. "I know this is a hard time for you. But you can call me anytime. I know Janet's anniversary is coming up and I'm talking to your therapist about how to best deal with that. I want you in school, but I want you to feel free to grieve, too."

JJ looked away. "It's okay. I'm just trying not to think about it. It's not going to help anything to freak myself out about it, you know?"

Emily waited until JJ met her gaze again. "Don't shut down," she urged. "If you're feeling something about this week - anything - I want you to come to me, or your therapist and tell us about it. You've tried it that way before, remember? What did stuffing your emotions lead to?"

"Running wild and stealing…" JJ mumbled.

Emily nodded. "Keep trying new things. Try opening up. If you can't. Come find me. You don't have to talk, just hang out a while. You can squeeze my hand, or write me a note. There are a million things you can try. Just don't shut down again, okay? Try your hardest?"

JJ nodded, swallowing.

Emily had dropped off a nervous seventh grader and a surly eighth grader and returned home. Out of habit, she dropped her purse off in her bedroom, as she had ever since JJ came the first time. She was on her way out, when Emily spotted a piece of notebook paper on her pillow. It featured JJ's adolescent bubble handwriting, with hearts dotting the _i_'s.

It read: _i miss janet._

In response, Emily added her own note beneath JJ's and left it next door on her pillow: _So sorry you're hurting. Let me know if anything comes to mind that might help. So proud of you. Keep opening up. Love, Emily._

* * *

><p>Spencer was tired. He had stayed up much too late last night thinking about school. His grades last year had been so exemplary that he was being promoted a grade. He would start third grade today. He would be six next month. There were a lot of changes happening. When Emily got back from dropping off JJ and Derek at the junior high, she woke up him and Derek. When Spencer got upstairs, he received a great surprise because Dave was cooking in the kitchen. A big breakfast of waffles, strawberries, and bacon.<p>

It had taken a long time, but Spencer was finally able to eat almost any color food without panicking or checking it for government bugs. His name change helped. The adoption helped. It was like a new start. Plus, he got lots of extra time with his therapist to deal with his feelings about missing his mother, the literature professor. He had spent a lot of time learning about emotions and handling them appropriately. He almost never harmed himself now. If he thought about doing it, he made himself take a deep breath and count to ten very slowly, imagining his stress getting smaller every second. The strange and wonderful thing about it was, it actually worked.

"Hi, Dave!" he exclaimed, dressed in his brand new khaki pants and _Star Wars_ shirt. It was black, and Spencer didn't even mind. "I didn't know you were coming over," he said, launching himself at Dave's leg and being careful to avoid the hot stove.

"Well, somebody had to be here while Emily dropped Derek and JJ off at school, and I figured, as long as I was here, I might as well make you boys a breakfast of champions."

"Sounds good to me!" Spencer said, opening a drawer for silverware and setting it around in his own, Aaron's and Emily's spots. "Hey, Dave! Are you and Carolyn eating over?"

He didn't get the chance to hear Dave's reply because Aaron was pulling open the door to see Penelope on the other side. It made Spencer feel a little nervous because Penelope had been at their house nine months ago, and it hadn't been very good. But Emily was letting her visit more and spend time in the house a little bit, as long as she was healthy.

"Hey, Penelope," Aaron said, sounding sad.

"Hey, you. Why the long face?" Spencer heard her asking. He didn't understand the expression, since Aaron had an oval face, and he went to investigate.

"Spencer's in third grade and he's five and I'm in fourth grade, and I'm nine," Aaron pouted. "Pretty soon, he's going to be in a higher grade than me and still be younger."

"Hey, don't worry about it. I'm still trying to get my-"

"Are you healthy?" Spencer asked, eyeing Penelope critically. Her hair was copper and she was smiling and wearing a lot of make up. She had on a yellow dress with lots of bright flowers on it.

Aaron elbowed him in the ribs. "That's not polite, Spencer. You can't ask that."

"It's all right. He can ask," Penelope reassured. "It's a fair question. I _am _healthy. Trust me, Emily makes sure. Otherwise I wouldn't be allowed to come visit you guys and wish you luck on your first day of school and that would be a bummer."

"What are you still trying to get?" Spencer wondered, threading his fingers through hers and admiring the huge pink ring on her finger.

"My GED so I can go to college and major in computer programming or something…" Penelope confided. They entered the kitchen and Penelope smiled and waved at Dave, Carolyn and Emily who were all sitting around the breakfast table, drinking coffee.

"Boys, hurry up. You don't have much time. Hey, Penelope," Emily greeted, putting an arm around her.

"Hey," Penelope smiled. "I didn't want to intrude. Just wanted to bring these by," she said, gesturing to a bag that Spencer hadn't noticed she was carrying. Inside, were numerous picture frames of different shapes and sizes.

"I figure I broke about twenty of these last year, and your stairway wall still looks so bare. I wanted to make it up," she said.

"It's not necessary…" Emily reassured. "You've done more than enough to pay us back."

"I won't take no for an answer," Penelope insisted, abandoning the bag at Emily's feet. "Now I have to go to work. But you two," she said turning to Spencer and Aaron with a big smile. "Have a great first day, and tell me everything next time, okay?" she said, bending down and enfolding both boys in her ample embrace.

A hug from Penelope was a great way to start the day.

* * *

><p>Derek was two minutes into his day and already had narrowly avoided trouble. The only reason was because his geography teacher was so old he couldn't catch Derek and didn't know what to say to convince him to come back inside when Derek went out the ground floor window in the middle of a quiz to see how much they knew.<p>

He felt sure Emily wouldn't be notified. He didn't care if she was. His whole life felt like it was falling apart. And it was either fall apart, too, or have a little fun along the way. Over the summer, he got into plenty of trouble at camp for a week with JJ. She was rebellious more quietly, but he could not ignore all the pretty female counselors and made his feelings more than obvious. He got in trouble with the director, but it didn't phase him. What he was doing was harmless. If it really bothered the director, he should have hired ugly girls.

His life just felt like it was settling down when JJ moved back in last May. As an idea, she'd been great, but as an actual person living in the house, it was different. She took up time and space and energy to deal with. She was a thief and a liar, and Emily dealt with her differently than she did himself and the little boys. Derek didn't like double standards. He didn't care how many lectures Emily gave about different kids having different needs. She obviously didn't care about _his _needs because _he _sure as hell didn't need a girl living in the house with him. He, Aaron and Spencer belonged to Emily, JJ didn't. He figured she needed to get adopted or get out. But when he tried to say that, he just got in trouble for hurting her feelings.

She helped JJ deal with her sister's death, but didn't ever push him to see his own parents' graves. She asked him once and that was it. Plus, Emily was totally tight-fisted with her money now that JJ was around. Because JJ had major problems respecting money and property. That meant when Derek asked for something, she usually said no. He hated his old life, but he missed the money that came with it. He missed asking for anything and knowing he could get it. It hadn't been such a bad deal. He could probably do it again if he had to. Derek was positive he'd seen one of the people who paid for his time hanging out by the school last year.

Derek was so messed up inside, no thanks to puberty and all the other damn changes in his life. He couldn't relate to any kids his own age because they were all immature and thought sex was cool and half of them had already given it up to someone else in order to be accepted.

All he had to do was look at JJ to know he could never take the coward's way out like her sister had done. He could never do that to Spencer or Aaron or Emily or JJ…but he couldn't keep living like this. Looking over his shoulder and thinking he saw people from his old life. He had to do something.

His own anniversary of coming into care was coming up and Derek couldn't forget the last words he'd heard from the family friend as he was led away in handcuffs.

"_Like it or not, you'll be back._"

So, even though it wasn't something Derek wanted, he found himself preparing, regardless. The friend had been right about so many things. He had to be right about this, too.

**A/N: The kids are growing up so much! And there's so much drama going on. Thanks everyone for your continued support. Feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments. No account is necessary. You're so wonderful. Hold onto your hats. It's going to be a bumpy ride.**


	26. Gone

School had been in session for two weeks. One of Aaron's friends was making things nice and easier for Spencer to adjust in third grade, by protecting him and explaining different things to him. Aaron's friend was a girl named Haley. She wasn't popular because she liked everyone equally. When they had to select animals to do a research report on, Haley picked a cougar. Spencer didn't have an interest in animals, just owls mostly. He asked his new teacher if he could do a project on owls, but the teacher said no. Owls counted as birds and they were studying animals. So, he spent all his reading and language time in the library trying to decide on an animal he liked enough to write a report on it.

He was having trouble with some parts of third grade. He understood the content, but socially, they were a lot smarter than he was. They knew jokes and games and television shows that he didn't watch. They could write cursive - everything was supposed to be done in cursive this year, but Spencer was still working on dexterity. He was still not yet six, and had to try very hard to form letters and words, even though he knew them all. It took him a long time to copy vocabulary words or write in his journal. Sometimes, Haley helped him. Sometimes, she couldn't, and he was on his own.

The teacher gave him extra time and shortened his assignments, but Spencer didn't like that. He didn't like doing less. He wanted to do more. What he needed was somebody to write for him - somebody who could write as fast as he could think - so that he could actually accomplish things. But so far, there was no one who fit that description.

At recess, with the older kids, it was hard. He played by himself because he didn't want to get picked on. Aaron ignored him on the playground, mostly. He was outgrowing Spencer. That's what Emily said. Soon, they would have separate rooms and everything. It would be just like when Spencer lived with his mother, the literature professor, when he was four. He had his own room then, too. He missed having his own space. But he would probably miss having his brother to talk to, also.

Currently, Aaron was swinging on the monkey bars with another boy. They had their legs wrapped around each other. Aaron explained it to him once. It was a game called chicken, even though it had nothing to do with poultry. Whoever got pulled down off the monkey bars first was the chicken. Spencer watched with interest from the swings. He was still trying to master pumping his legs.

Aaron was still hanging on, but the other boy was bigger. Spencer predicted it moments before it happened. Moments before Aaron's hands peeled off the bar and he fell, landing hard on his back.

* * *

><p>Aaron couldn't catch his breath for a long time. The kid who pulled him down was boasting about winning until he saw Aaron still on the ground after a while. Spencer came running over from the swings.<p>

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking right into Aaron's face.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he insisted, when he could talk. His head felt funny. He had smacked it the same time as he fell. But he'd been hurt a lot worse than this. Haley came over, too. When Spencer took her hand, it made Aaron jealous.

"I thought you were _my_ friend," he said, brushing the dirt off himself.

"I can be both your friends. Spencer's in my class," Haley said easily. "I saw you fall. Are you okay?"

"It's no big deal," he mumbled. What was a bigger deal was when his friend wanted to hang out with his little brother more than him. He didn't know why, when Spencer was not that great to have as a friend. He talked about himself too much and he didn't make people feel welcome.

He tried to focus through their reading assignment which was of some really old book about three kids who had to get taken into foster care because their parents or caretakers or whoever abused them or neglected them. It made Aaron feel dizzy and kind of sick to his stomach. Now that his last name was Prentiss, no one knew he used to be a foster kid and that's the way Aaron wanted it. He wanted Aaron Hotchner gone forever. But reading about these kids was too much like reading about himself.

He wanted to be excused and go home, but Aaron knew he had two more hours of school to get through first.

When Emily picked him up, he stayed quiet on the ride home. Spencer talked enough for all of them anyway. He talked about his school report he was doing on lemurs. How he had asked about doing a second one on owls, for extra credit. Emily said that sounded very ambitious and she was proud of him.

They arrived home and Penelope was there. It was that way more and more now. Sometimes, she stayed for dinner, and sometimes not. Sometimes, she helped Aaron with his homework, but she didn't help Spencer, because he was confused by the way she tried to explain things, because it was different from his teacher.

* * *

><p>Emily knew she probably wouldn't stop running around until all the kids were in bed tonight, but that's the way weekdays were. Today was a good day, so she couldn't complain. All the kids had settled into school. All of them were finding a balance between that and fun and working on personal things. She was speaking to Ashley Seaver about the possibility of expediting the nine to twelve month adoption process for JJ. She was craving stability and four months in, she only functioned well if her door was off and she had no place to hide anything. She and Derek were in therapy at separate appointments now and Emily was going to have to pick them up soon.<p>

Having Penelope around more was good for everyone. Though Emily watched her interactions closely with the kids. It was nice to have an extra set of hands. She had surprised Emily by stopping by unannounced to show her the certification Penelope had received to be a short-term babysitter. Certification wasn't needed for the boys' caregivers any longer, but as JJ was still a child in foster care, anybody who spent time one-on-one with her needed to go through a process and, it seemed that Penelope had done it, unprompted.

"Look what I got," she'd said casually, holding out her paperwork.

"When did you do this?" Emily had asked and Penelope had simply shrugged.

"In my spare time. I'm trying to stay out of trouble so I can be involved in what's going on here. I messed it up once, and I don't intend to do it again. So, now, if you need me, I'm available," she smiled.

Emily grabbed her keys and prepared to pick the two big kids up from their appointments when Penelope stopped her, approaching her with Aaron. "Mr. President's got a bump," she said apologetically.

Aaron had taken a liking to the nickname, ever since Derek came up with it in a moment of anger.

"He says it's no big deal. But it totally is. I palpated it, and it's disgusting. I think it needs frozen peas," Penelope said.

"It's nothing," Aaron shrugged, though he leaned a little closer to Penelope.

He didn't wince when Emily probed the back of his head and felt the goose egg. "Ooh. What happened there?" she asked.

"We were playing chicken and I lost," Aaron shrugged, not looking bothered by it.

Emily gave Aaron a hug and a kiss, advising him to be more careful. Then, she sent Penelope to retrieve the frozen peas.

"I need to pick up JJ and Derek. Everybody in the car," Emily announced.

"I can't!" Spencer objected from his place in front of her laptop, where he typed determinedly with one finger. "I'm researching lemurs. And owls. For my paper."

"I can stay with them," Penelope offered. "It's just a few minutes, right? The president will give you a full report when you get back. Promise." She smiled beguilingly.

"All right," Emily relented. "Aaron, you rest your bump. Let Penelope read to you or something. Spencer, if you need help, ask Penelope, got it?" To Penelope, she added. "Dave's not home at the moment, but Carolyn's gardening if you need anything. I'll be back in twenty minutes.

Penelope got down to some serious business with the boys, reading a totally depressing book, The Pinballs, aloud to Aaron. She split her time between doing that and telling Spencer the best search engines for his project.

"What's _w-i-k-i-"_ Spencer began.

Aaron giggled. "I always call him Wiki," he confided softly to Penelope.

"It's a very unreliable source that laymen can contribute unverified information to. Don't use it as a source. As a rule, things that end in org are best." Penelope passed along helpfully, grimacing at the book in her hands.

"I'm not unreliable! _You're _un_informed_!" Spencer screeched at Aaron.

"Okay, okay! Listen. Nicknames are only fun if everyone thinks they are. So, no more calling him Wiki," Penelope decided. Her first gig babysitting was definitely more like refereeing so far, but she enjoyed it.

"What about Friend-Stealer?" Aaron asked darkly.

"Haley's not just your friend! She's everybody's friend! She even told me that!" Spencer insisted, his chin quivering.

"But she was my friend before she was your friend!" Aaron yelled back. He lobbed the bag of peas half-heartedly in Spencer's direction.

"You need consequences _so much _right now…" Spencer said so quietly and with so much feeling that Penelope bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. That wouldn't help. Instead, she called both boys and had them sit on the floor, facing each other. She didn't have authority to give any kind of consequences but she couldn't stop thinking of an activity she'd been forced to do in her days at treatment. With a little adjustment, it could work for these two.

"Okay. Here's what's going to happen. You're going to explain to me what's happening with Haley. Spencer, you can go first. Tell me Aaron's side. Do it well, too, or you both will have to listen to me sing…" she winked. "Spencer, ready? Pretend you're Aaron and tell me why you're mad at Spencer."

Spencer looked thoughtful. "I'm mad at Spencer because I'm insecure and it's hard for me to make friends. I feel like he's taking what I had first and that's not fair because I keep losing things that are mine…" he trailed off, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "Right?" he asked, looking at Aaron.

Aaron nodded, obviously surprised that Spencer paid such close attention. He took a deep breath and looked at the ground. "I'm mad at Aaron because it's hard for me to make friends and Haley's a nice person. It's hard to be youngest and it doesn't matter to her, probably. I don't want Aaron to take my friend away…"

"How did you read my mind like that?" Spencer asked, his eyes wide and full of wonder.

Penelope smiled, pleased to have dealt with this first mini-crisis. "See? Spencer's not trying to steal your friend, and Aaron's just worried," she told them both. "You guys can work this out. You're brothers. You have to learn to share things, you know? You help each other. That's the great thing about being where you are," she encouraged.

"I'll read your book for you!" Spencer volunteered. "I'm still waiting for Emily to finish my Shakespeare book with me."

"That's okay…It's a stupid book anyway. I wouldn't want you to have to read it," Aaron admitted.

* * *

><p>"How'd it go today?" Emily asked. JJ sank into her seat.<p>

The last thing she needed was Emily knowing she'd gotten 54 out of 75 on a paper. That didn't bother JJ half as much as the red circle at the top of the paper, where she had written _JJ Prentiss_, not _Jennifer Jareau. _She had also forgotten to put down her class period and her teacher wasted a ton of time trying to figure out which student's paper it was. At first, the teacher insisted JJ hadn't turned it in and was going to give JJ an F, but she insisted it was there.

Nothing bothered her more than the fact that she had lost two points over mislabeling her paper. Over writing the wrong name and forgetting the date. JJ had done the math on her calculator. Those two points could have raised her grade from 72% to 75%. She needed every point she could get.

"There's a football game at the high school tonight. Can I go?" Derek asked.

"Can _I _go?" JJ added, grateful to have a distraction from her crappy grade.

Emily thought it over. There was no way Spencer would last until 10 PM watching a game outdoors, and Aaron needed his sleep. She studied them in the rearview mirror. "Can I trust you to stay together?" she asked. "I don't want either one of you going off by yourselves."

"Yeah, we promise," Derek insisted, and JJ shot him a look. Last time she checked, Derek called her names and she tried to kick his ass when he realized that being called Jennifer pissed her off.

"Promise," she echoed, knowing an out when she heard one.

"All right. I want you both to get a start on your homework and eat some dinner. Then I'll drop you off and pick you up."

"Thank you," they chorused because JJ really was thankful. She was pretty sure Derek was still surprised anytime anybody did something nice for him. It was just the way he was.

* * *

><p>Emily was relaxing on the couch next to Penelope. They were watching <em>The Holiday<em>, since Aaron and Spencer were in bed, and JJ and Derek weren't due home for a while yet. Emily had even taken her container of Italian gelato out of its secret location and they were well on their way to over-indulgence when she glanced at her watch.

"Shoot. I've got to run to the high school and pick up the kids," Emily apologized. "Do you mind staying a few minutes while I get them?"

"Nope. No problem. I'll just hit pause and be your ears for the little Romeos."

Emily wrinkled her nose. "I can't believe they're fighting over girls already…" she sighed. "Thanks, Penelope. I'll be right back."

But she didn't come right back. Because when she pulled up in front of the high school, she saw only JJ waiting for her.

"JJ… What happened? Where's Derek?" Emily asked.

"What do you mean? I thought he got a ride home with somebody else…" she said, biting her lip.

"I told both of you to wait for me here…" Emily insisted, her heart rate rising. "How long ago did you see him last? What did he say?"

"He went to the bathroom and he said not to follow him 'cause it was creepy. Before fourth quarter…around 9:40."

Emily clenched her jaw. She glanced at her watch. It was 10:15. Sometime in the last thirty-five minutes, her son had disappeared.

**A/N: Gosh, I don't want Derek to disappear, but he did! So terrible! But in other news, I am so glad to see new readers enjoying the story with those of you who have followed from the start! That's so awesome. I continue to love reading all your thoughts. **


	27. Silence

"Six of Spades, I'm so glad to see you back…" a sickeningly familiar voice purred.

Derek folded his arms across his chest but tried to keep his face blank. So much had changed since he was last here. But some things hadn't changed at all. They still had the same names for each other. The guy in charge was always called Ace. That used to be the guy Derek knew, who took him in when he was ten. Now that he was arrested, the next guy in line took over. Derek was still called Six of Spades - or SOS for short. Six of Spades was to remind him that if he didn't listen and do as he was told, they'd kill him, and he'd be buried six feet under. The name was given to him because he'd been the hardest to break. So he needed the worst name, to keep him in line. So, Six of Spades. SOS was used if he ever tried to run. It had happened before. But only once.

Derek stared out the window, trying not to think of anything. This was so bad. The worst part would be if Emily thought he ran away. If she didn't look for him. But he didn't want her in danger either. So, maybe, it was best this way. He was so confused. He didn't know what to do. He really had thought he was imagining Ace hanging out outside the junior high last year, but he wasn't. Turned out, he lived within walking distance, and now that the old Ace was gone, the new Ace decided this location was prime and wanted his best product back. Six of Spades had gotten top dollar at the end because he knew the rules and followed them better than any of the others. He didn't speak unless he was spoken to, he didn't fight, and he didn't make any noise unless he was asked directly.

Over the last few days, the new Ace had been talking to Derek, calling him by his real name, and saying how much he was missed "back home." He had all the major video games that Derek had been missing out on and would show them to him, like the day Derek went out the window in geography. Was that just this morning? It seemed like forever ago.

Derek wasn't stupid. He didn't miss it. He knew from therapy all about grooming and that that's how the people in charge got him to do what they wanted. They singled him out. They manipulated him. He knew better now, so he tried to ignore it, but the fear inside was too much.

Earlier today, Ace had been by the curb in the moments before Emily arrived to pick them up. "Who's the blonde?" he asked, staring at JJ, who glared back from a safe distance.

"My sister," Derek insisted. "She's off-limits."

"She doesn't look like your sister to me," Ace sighed. "And she sure is pretty."

When Derek saw Ace eyeing JJ at the football game, he knew he had to get to him first. She was annoying as hell, but, he had to admit it…she was family. She was more family than these asses were, and if he learned anything from Emily, it was that family protected each other. That as the big brother and the oldest, he had a responsibility for JJ. Just like she had for Aaron and Aaron had for Spencer.

So Derek got to Ace first. He left, pretending to use the john, and instead, ran to the curb and slid in the nondescript gray Chevy with Virginia plates. As they pulled away, he felt relief. JJ was safe. He had at least done this before. JJ would never survive it.

As they pulled into the driveway of a house Derek had seen a million times since starting school here last year, Derek's stomach sank. All this time, the business he thought he'd escaped was right across the street.

But instead of voicing this, he looked the Ace in the eye.

"It's good to be back," Derek echoed in the same tone the man used. Soft, rich, inviting.

He hoped it was enough. He hoped the Ace couldn't tell he was lying through his teeth.

* * *

><p>"What aren't you telling me?" Emily asked. She had just pulled in the driveway, but made no move to get out. JJ's lip remained between her teeth. Her hand was near her neck constantly, even when she tried to trap it between her knees.<p>

"Nothing," JJ swallowed.

"Jennifer," Emily said, in a tone she rarely used. She hoped the combination of the tone and her full name would have the right effect.

JJ's eyes flashed dangerously. "You said you'd never call me that!" She yanked at the door handle, but Emily held fast to her hand.

"This is serious, JJ. I need you to tell me if you know anything. The police are meeting us here. If there's something that could help them find Derek, they need to know it."

"I can't," she denied, shaking her head.

* * *

><p>"Would you mind staying?" Emily asked Penelope apologetically. "Derek went missing from the football game and I've got the police on the way."<p>

"Of course. I can bunk down with JJ, the doorless wonder, or I can camp on your couch, for old time's sake. Whatever you need," Penelope promised.

The police arrived, and Penelope made herself scarce, putting on coffee and going down the street to alert Dave and Carolyn. Just as she suspected, both insisted on coming back to Emily's with her. Dave with a notebook, multicolored pens and a tape recorder.

"Has he been in trouble before?" a cop was asking.

Penelope tried not to eavesdrop as Emily gave personal details about Derek that were so horrific they made her want to weep. She took JJ's hand and led her to the girl's bedroom - figuring it was okay, since anyone walking by had a good view of both of them.

Something was off about young JJ. She sat with her arms and legs crossed. She kept biting the inside of her lip.

"Anything you want to tell me, Jaje?" Penelope asked gently.

"Promise you wont tell?" JJ whispered.

"Nope, I can't do that. No secrets." Penelope said plainly. There was no use in misleading her into confessing whatever her secret was by promising silence when she couldn't deliver it.

"I'll get in trouble, though!" JJ insisted, tears shining in her eyes.

"If it'll help us find Derek, you need to say something. I'll be there with you, but you need to say something…" Penelope encouraged.

The cops were still speaking to Emily, Dave and Carolyn when JJ timidly approached them and shared what she knew. There was this gray Chevrolet with Virginia plates that kept coming around the junior high. There was a kid in it. A couple years older than Derek, and he always went up to the window like they were old friends, or maybe cousins.

"If he's a runaway, there's nothing we can do, ma'am," the lead cop said. And just like that, it seemed, they were on their own.

* * *

><p>Rossi was intent on bringing Derek in safely. He drove around the junior high for hours, searching for any sign of kids walking in groups. But the parking lot was empty. The houses nearby showed no sign of suspicious activity. Dave knew he couldn't legally knock on anyone's door, even to ask questions, without probable cause.<p>

Back at Emily's, he knew, Carolyn was on the telephone, calling all of Derek's friends to see if one of them was the driver of a gray Chevy. When he left, Penelope had asked if Emily would mind if she took a look at her laptop. Everyone left a trail behind nowadays, even online. If he had been targeted by someone online, or if he was into something he shouldn't be, she could find out.

* * *

><p>"He doesn't have a Facebook or a Twitter account. Trust me," Emily said, an edge of panic in her voice. Penelope was sitting at the kitchen table, clicking through the browser history of Emily's laptop.<p>

"On the contrary, it appears he does…" she said, after logging in as herself and searching various combinations of Derek's first, middle and various last names. She found him under DJ Morgan. A quick perusal of his friends listed JJ Prentiss among the 500 names. She logged off and then logged back on after trying a few passwords and succeeding with the fourth, joeandfran. She'd been right to inquire about his bio parents, knowing how many times her own appeared in her passwords.

Derek posted mostly song lyrics. Penelope was impressed to see very little about himself. His birth date, email address and other personal information was kept private. He seemed to use this solely to vent under the cover of an online persona. His most recent status update read was deeply unsettling. It made Penelope wonder if there wasn't more to this than a boy running away.

_Listen up listen up there's a devil in the church…_she read, recognizing the lyrics from a group called Sixx:A.M.. She checked the time and date stamp. September 19th, 2013. 9:29 pm. Approximately ten minutes before he went missing. She slid the computer to face Emily, whose eyes widened.

"What the hell…" she murmured. "He was trying to tell us something…"

Penelope scanned the most recent entries and comments. Some loser named Ace King with no profile picture, left comments constantly, reading simply, _SOS._

"JJ come here," Emily insisted. "Did you notice anything strange on Derek's Facebook?"

"I don't have a Facebook…" she denied, all wide eyes and innocence. Penelope was impressed by her skill, but Emily had clearly seen it before. And Penelope had proof to the contrary right in front of her. She sighed. "Dirty stuff kept showing up there. I told him he had to be careful about it but he said he didn't do it. Somebody else was spamming him. And that Ace guy was always leaving him comments. He tried to friend me but I blocked him."

* * *

><p>Emily's head spun. It was like Penelope and JJ were speaking another language. She glanced at her watch. It was nearly midnight. Derek had been missing two hours and twenty minutes. So much could have happened in that time. She called Rossi and got an update that he hadn't found anything suspicious but he would continue to drive around. Carolyn had called all the parents on Derek's ball team. Now she was calling each one back, asking if any of them or their children knew someone named Ace King.<p>

Wracking her brain, Emily tried to think of what else she could do. She tried to think of who else Derek might try to contact if he was in trouble. Everyone was right here, except Nate and Cary. While she was waiting for someone to pick up, Penelope whispered something about an IP address and hacking. It sounded like a question, and Emily nodded absently.

"Emily?" Cary asked, sounding exhausted. "What's wrong?"

"Derek's missing. The cops can't search for him because they think he's a runaway… I didn't want to worry you, but then I thought…well, if he tried to call you for some reason…could you let me know?"

"Yeah, of course. Keep us updated. We'll put the word out for people to keep an eye out for him."

"And a gray Chevrolet with Virginia plates," Emily supplied.

"Got it. Let us know if there's anything else we can do to help."

"_Is _there anything?" Emily asked, desperate.

"Matthew escapes all the time in the middle of the night. We've got alarms on the doors and GPS sewn into his pajamas. Beyond that…I don't know what to tell you, I'm sorry. I'll let you go so you can keep this line open when Derek calls."

She hung up, loving Cary for saying _when _not _if_.

Turning her attention to the table, she noticed JJ nodding off and Penelope typing furiously.

"Come on, JJ. You need to get some sleep," Emily said. "We'll tell you the second we know something," she promised, knowing JJ wouldn't agree to sleep unless she knew that.

* * *

><p>JJ couldn't sleep. She felt sick. This was her fault. She knew that deep down. If she had just done something differently - <em>anything<em> - Derek wouldn't be missing right now. But he was. She buried her face in her pillow, wishing someone was here to knock some sense into her. Wishing her real dad were here to beat her ass for this. She deserved it. Not usually, but tonight? For sure.

"Hey… What is it?" Penelope asked. JJ could see her nail polish sparkling in the dark. "We're going to find him, okay?"

"That guy…the one Derek always talked to… He came up to me yesterday. I was on the side of the school, just off school grounds, smoking a cigarette…" JJ said dropping her voice to a whisper. "And that car drove up. The same car that Derek always went up to, and talked to the guy inside. He got out and came up to me. Tried to talk to me, but he was gross and old and I said get lost. He wouldn't. He…tried to touch me and I punched him in the junk. He got really mad and said… He said…I'd regret this… Derek always told me to stay away from him. Said he'd handle it. Told me not to say anything or he'd get in so much trouble, so I never did…but now he's missing and I…" JJ trailed off, dissolving into tears.

"Derek knew he tried to touch you?" Penelope asked carefully.

"I didn't tell him, but he must have known. The last thing he said at the football game…the real last thing he said…was, 'Stay here. Don't come looking for me. Don't say anything.' He said, 'I got this,' and then he squeezed my hand. It's like he was protecting me."

Penelope didn't have to think. She went to the kitchen to get Emily. Told Carolyn to call Rossi.

This couldn't be a coincidence. There had to be a connection.

**A/N: It is so awesome to see so many people just discovering this, and really getting it. Thanks so much to all of you. Faithful readers and reviewers, new ones, and those of you who alert and favorite. Now, let's hope the fam is on the case to get Derek back ASAP! Ugh, the new chapter didn't show up the first time so I'm trying this again...**


	28. Code

When Aaron woke up on Saturday morning, something strange was going on. He heard too many voices talking upstairs. They sounded upset or worried. He glanced across the room, where Spencer slept sprawled on top of his covers. Aaron made his own bed quietly and got dressed. Then, he sneaked upstairs. He was sure that no one would tell him what was really happening because they thought he was just a kid, but if he listened in, he could know what was really going on. So he stayed on the stairs, out of sight, and touched the pictures in their new frames from Penelope. Emily, Penelope, Dave and Carolyn were all in the kitchen, talking about Derek.

"You said to that cop that he has a history of being…of adults using him…on the streets, right?" Penelope was saying. She sounded worried. "JJ says that the same man in the gray Chevy approached her recently. She said he tried to touch her. The scumbag said she would regret fighting back. She's sure that somehow, Derek found out about it and that he went _with_ the guy to _protect _her. You said the man in Derek's court case was arrested, but do you know how many there were?" she pressed.

"Penelope's right," Dave mused. "It could be a ring. There might be a hierarchy of leadership. If Derek was good for business, it may have relocated to be closer to him. They may have done this to get him back."

"I'm calling the cops back," Emily said. Her voice sounded stressed. Like she might start crying. She never sounded like that the whole time Aaron knew her.

He thought hard but Aaron couldn't make sense of what they were saying. Something about Derek and rings and protecting JJ. He finished climbing the stairs and walked over to Emily like everything was normal. He put his arms around her.

"Is JJ okay?" he asked.

"Yes. JJ's fine. Derek didn't come home last night, though. So, Penelope, Dave, Carolyn and I are trying to find him. Did he say anything to you lately?" she asked, brushing Aaron's hair out of his face.

Aaron shrugged. "He was just mad a lot. He kept saying he hated it here and you wouldn't give him money he needed for stuff. He was just being selfish, I think."

Emily closed her eyes. "He was trying to convince himself to go back to the life…"

"To what life?" Aaron asked, serious. Whatever life it was, it couldn't be good. When Emily didn't answer, he decided to help however he could. "I can take care of Spencer if you have to work on finding Derek. I can make us breakfast and I'll even play knights with him…even though I don't like knights."

"Thanks, buddy. I'll get you guys breakfast and then if you would play with Spencer for a while that would be a big help," she said, kissing his forehead.

Aaron darted back downstairs before Emily could say anything else.

"Spencer, wake up. Derek didn't come back last night after the football game, so we have to be really good," Aaron insisted. "No fighting. No bothering the adults. They have to find him. So, if you have a question or if you need something, tell me. Not them."

Spencer rubbed his eyes. "What?" he croaked. He was sleeping on his pet pillow.

"Derek's gone," Aaron repeated. "So, I'm in charge today, okay? Emily and the adults have to find Derek. So if you need something, come to me."

"What if _you_ need something?" Spencer asked, blinking and reaching for his glasses.

"Then I'll ask JJ."

* * *

><p>Spencer had breakfast, and played with Aaron for two hours. They made compromises and got along better than usual. They didn't want to distract the grown ups from finding Derek. When Spencer thought of Derek gone, his insides felt tight and heavy. He felt like crying. Derek was his first real friend. What if something really wrong happened to him? What if they could never see him again? And the worst thought of all… What if the government had taken Derek away?<p>

When Aaron was busy going pee, Spencer slipped away into Derek's room. It was a pigsty. That's what Emily said because that meant a really big mess. There were clothes and baseball stuff all over. On the floor in all the mess was Derek's bike lock. Spencer felt around his neck. The key was still there on an old shoelace. A few days ago, Derek gave it to him.

"_Here, kid_," he'd said. "_You might need this someday_."

Spencer wondered if today was someday. Then he got to work, jamming the key wherever it might fit. Not the bike lock. It wasn't a house key, but smaller. Spencer thought it might belong to one of Aaron's GI Joes. None of Spencer's knights had keys either. He thought back to a long time ago. He'd been in here, working on Derek's homework with him. Spencer had felt sick. He had thrown up all over the map. Derek had said some curses and said something else, too… His eyes locked on the small, white trash can with the grocery bag liner. Spencer didn't think, he just turned it over.

Even if Derek hadn't left clues, maybe the government had.

There was gum and old food wrappers and tags from new clothes. Used tissues and at the very bottom…there was JJ's diary. It had a tiny lock.

Derek confided in Spencer that he'd taken it out of revenge for the stuff of Derek's that _she _had stolen from _him_. He unlocked the book with kittens in dress up hats on the cover. Each page had a date. Spencer thought that was not adequate space to document all that happened in one day. No wonder JJ hadn't written in it. Spencer thought a second. Then he started flipping pages to today's date.

Blank.

But there had been some writing on an earlier page.

He scanned back until he saw the page dated September 18th. Spencer took in the numbers and knew immediately he was looking at a code. The writing was hurried and Derek had pressed very hard on the last part of it. Like it was important. Spencer searched Derek's desk drawer for a pencil and set to work. Soon, the odd collection of numbers was translated. Beneath the numbers, Spencer had written their letter equivalent in shaky five-year-old letters.

19-16-5-14-3-5-18. 9-6 25-15-21 6-9-14-4 20-8-9-19.

20-15-4-1-25'19 1-14 15-18-1-14-7-5 4-1-25.

2-15-2 4-25-12-1-14'19 23-1-20-3-8-9-14-7.

**20-5-12-12 5-13-9-12-25 **9 14-5-5-4 8-5-18 14-15-20 20-15 **12-15-15-11 6-15-18 13-5**.

SPENCER. IF YOU FIND THIS.

TODAY'S AN ORANGE DAY.

BOB DYLAN'S WATCHING.

**TELL EMILY **I NEED HER NOT TO **LOOK FOR ME.**

Beneath that, there was a strange string of letters and numbers both. Spencer squinted. He didn't know what they meant. Beside the letters were Derek's handprints. Above the letters and numbers Spencer couldn't translate was the state name: Virginia. Below them, the words KIDS FIRST. There were a lot of combinations of letters and numbers.

His heart raced. He felt tears come in his eyes. Why had Derek left this for him? He didn't know what the last part went. That plus orange danger, plus Bob Dylan meant it was very dangerous. He tried to breathe and think about what he should do. Aaron said go to him. But Aaron was only nine. JJ would be a better choice. So he walked upstairs with the journal tucked under his shirt. All the grown ups were busy. Penelope was typing on the laptop. Dave was on the phone. Emily was trying to look like she wasn't crying.

Spencer heard the door to his and Aaron's room close when he went upstairs. Aaron thought he was so sneaky. Waiting until Spencer was distracted to shut him out and get private time. That wasn't very kind. But Spencer couldn't worry about that. He had to find someone who could help. Someone who wasn't Aaron, and wasn't a grown up. Someone like JJ.

He walked into her room and shook her awake. It was almost 11:00 in the morning anyway. She should be up by now.

"JJ. Get up. I really need you. I don't know who else to tell…" he begged, trying to stay strong and not hurt himself or anything else.

"What?" she groaned. JJ looked like she had been crying, too. Spencer figured out quickly that she must have been at the football game with Derek last night. Maybe she thought it was her fault he didn't get home.

He took the diary out from under his shirt.

"That's mine! How do you have it?" she exclaimed, looking really mad.

"I'll explain later. Look at this," Spencer explained, flipping open the book. "It's a secret code and I broke it. See, down here?" he pointed to the letters. He sounded worried and his words felt like they were choking him.

"What does he mean, orange day and Bob Dylan?" JJ wondered.

"It means he's in danger and people are spying on whatever he says," Spencer whispered. "He says he doesn't want Emily to look for him, but the middle part's not dark like rest. And I don't know what these are…" he confided.

JJ squinted.

"Spencer, these are license plate numbers," she said, remembering that the car had a personalized plate. She remembered the tiny red handprints, and they made her sick now. "We need to get these to Emily," she said, rushing to the kitchen.

* * *

><p>Derek had been gone longer than twelve hours. Emily hadn't slept. Aaron was always near her, like an extra appendage. He made her coffee and fed Sergio and made himself Ramen for lunch, though he hated it. Emily didn't know what to do. Her son was gone and there was nothing she could do. No one was looking for him. Even the knowledge that JJ had been approached by a suspicious man was not relevant because no actual crime had been committed. He had not actually touched her. There was nothing to confirm that Derek had been kidnapped. By all accounts, he had approached strange cars willingly and had a history of running away.<p>

Emily wept. They were at a dead end and something inside - call it a mother's intuition - knew that Derek hadn't run away. Something told her he had been taken. Emily poured over his records. She contacted Jason Gideon to see if he had any additional information on the man who had Derek after his parents died.

So far, there was no return phone call. If Emily's memory served, Jason was extremely passionate about his job, but also extremely disorganized. It might take years for him to sift through the mountains of paperwork on his desk.

Penelope still typed furiously, trying to find information that might lead them to where Derek was. Carolyn was still on the phone. Dave had gone back out searching, this time, with a thermos of coffee and new notes.

"Emily…I think we need to give this to you…" JJ said softly and pushed the journal into her hands.

* * *

><p>Derek stared. He knew better than to try anything. He knew better than anyone what would happen if he tried to escape. The drugs made him feel like he was swimming. He tried to fight the lies off. But Ace knew so much about his family. He knew about Emily, JJ, Aaron and Spencer. He knew about Penelope. About Dave and Carolyn. He even knew about Nathaniel, Cary and little Matthew in Vermont. He knew so many details about their lives. When they went to school, where they worked, when they were home.<p>

This time, instead of telling Derek that he had no family and that no one loved him, this new Ace said that if Derek tried to escape, he would kill all of Derek's family. He would start with JJ and end with Emily and he would make Derek watch every one of them.

For that reason, Derek stayed. That reason and the fact that he couldn't move. The drugs made everything heavy and compliant. The men came. The women came. Derek lost count of how many there were. He was very good, he told them. He would give them whatever they wanted. He could be whoever they wanted. Sometimes there were several in one day. Sometimes, they called him boys' names. Sometimes, they just called him sweetie, or baby. But they never called him Derek.

Twelve or however many hours later and Derek was a shadow. A vague memory. This room was real. This pain was real. The faces that came and went were real.

He hoped to God someone was coming.

He hoped to God they stayed away.

**A/N: Oh, holy cow, you guys! Look at the family being all awesome! I hope they get Derek back soon! In other news, you guys are crazy-awesome! 200 reviews? I have never had a story with such a response. Thank you all so much.**


	29. Emily

**A/N: Added a few extra scenes in here of the kids back home, while Emily's away. **

The license plate numbers did it. Emily immediately passed them onto Dave, who called in favors with old law enforcement coworkers. "Can you run this?" he had asked, though he was certain Penelope had already done so. Or was in the process of doing so. She fixed the computer at his own house when it was attacked by some virus by doing things Dave had no idea she knew how to do. She was definitely skilled.

While his buddies were running plate numbers, Dave patrolled the neighborhood, on the lookout for the car in question, or a car with any of the several license plate numbers. Emotion swelled inside him, as he thought of the danger Derek could be facing. They were approaching the 24-hour mark, and if Derek had been kidnapped, chances of him being alive after that point would be slim.

It was just after 10 PM Saturday night, when something caught his eye. He had just stopped for gas and pulled back out onto the main road when he caught sight of a vehicle in front of him. He double-checked the note he had jotted down. The license plate matched, though the car did not. Times like this, Dave longed for a siren, an intercom, for a badge. He wanted authority. He wanted to take this scum down.

Instead, he called it in to the local cops, and kept tabs on the car, shocked beyond words when it pulled in front of a house just across the street from the junior high. This man couldn't be so dense, could he? But Dave knew better than to question a break in this case. He prayed Derek was in there. That he was alive. At that point, it was all Dave could manage to hope for.

Minutes later, cop cars lined the street, lights and sirens off. Dave gripped the wheel and watched as they infiltrated the house. He'd tipped them off about the possibility of this being trafficking-related. He put across the information he knew was relevant. A child formerly in the life had gone missing. Another child had been approached in the immediate area. The first left behind license plate numbers, after being approached by the same car multiple times.

Dave sat forward, as the cops led out first one suspect in handcuffs and then a second. Then, came the kids. Two he didn't recognize, with blankets wrapped around them. Both girls. Both with lurching, weaving gait that suggested they had been drugged. Then, the call for a stretcher. Then, Dave saw Derek being wheeled out, and not even wild horses could have dragged him away.

"I'm here, son. You're safe," he said, keeping pace with his stretcher.

Derek's eyes were glazed. He fought to open his eyes.

"Emily…" he said, the word sounding thick and confused.

"She's on her way," Dave promised.

* * *

><p>At 10:15 PM, just as Emily was dozing off, her phone rang. She jerked awake and snatched it up, seeing Dave's name on the screen.<p>

"Dave…" she said, breathless. Her heart was beating double-time. She could sense something. "What is it?"

"They found him, kid. He's on his way to Reston Hospital now. I'm tailing the ambulance," Dave's voice sounded rough and sad.

"Is he… How is he? Did he say anything?" she stammered.

"He asked for you," Dave said. "So get here. Have Carolyn or Penelope drive you."

Emily hung up without answering. She had to get to her son.

* * *

><p>The lights were too bright and there were too many people talking. Worse, there were too many people touching him. All over his body. They called him a name he wasn't anymore, so he didn't respond. He hurt. He hurt so bad. He wished he'd died. He should have run, so they'd have killed him. That would have been better. Anything would have been better than this…than now…<p>

"Derek," a voice called and he ignored it. He couldn't stay awake. He was too tired and too sore and he wasn't to answer to Derek anymore anyway. He felt hands on him and tried to fight, but everything was heavy.

"It's okay, Derek," another voice reassured.

But it wasn't okay. He didn't feel like Derek. This had to be a dream. It couldn't be happening. Not like this. Not again.

* * *

><p>In the quiet of the ICU, Emily slept restlessly in the vinyl chair by Derek's bedside. He had stirred a few times, but had yet to become fully aware of anything. She had no idea what those bastards had given him to keep him compliant. She hated herself for not being able to pay attention when they spoke. For not seeing this before it happened. For not keeping Derek safe as she had promised to do.<p>

Derek moved, lethargic, in the bed, and she squelched every maternal instinct to lay a hand on his forehead. "It's Emily. I'm right here, Derek, and you're safe," she whispered, but he strained away from her. He made a tight strangled sound, and the beeping of the monitors surrounding him increased.

So, Emily sat quietly with her hands clasped. She accepted a pillow and blanket from a nurse who came to monitor Derek's vital signs. They were very low, a side effect of the drugs he had been given. When she asked when Derek might be released she was told they would have to wait and see how he did. There was a lot of damage.

It was days before Derek was coherent enough to give the police a statement. When he did, he asked Emily to leave. But she was called back moments later when it was clear their questions had triggered some sort of panic response in Derek. Nothing Emily said could soothe him, and he only relaxed when they increased his pain medication.

The results from the initial sexual assault kit had been staggering. It was clear Derek had not been the victim of one perpetrator but many. So many Emily had to fight not to pass out when she heard the number. He had only been gone for 24 hours. How had this happened to him? Not once, but twice?

For the next several days, Emily lived at the hospital, refusing to leave Derek's side. At home, Dave, Carolyn and Penelope took turns caring for JJ, Aaron and Spencer. Nathaniel and Cary had also flown in from Vermont, leaving Matthew in the care of trusted friends. They helped spread out the responsibility of taking care of the kids at home. All three were worried about Derek, and manifesting the trauma in different ways. Emily knew everyone was doing their best to keep things stable for them, but it was difficult. It was hard, too, for her to split her time between the one child who needed her most, and the other three, who had needs that could wait.

She called several times a day, checking in, before returning to Derek's bedside and trying to get him to talk to her. So far, he hadn't said a word, and spent most of his time facing away from her, silent.

Emily had been advised not to pressure him to discuss his trauma. A specialist at the hospital was doing that. She spoke with Derek daily, attempting to get Derek to open up. Progress was slow.

On the evening of the fourth night, Derek rolled over to face Emily. His eyes were distant as he addressed her for the first time. "How come you ain't gone yet?" he asked.

"Because you're my son…" she said gently, careful not to tell him she had done it out of love. She hoped the tone conveyed as much.

"You came for me…" he croaked, his throat constantly dry. Getting him to eat and stay hydrated was a daily battle. Only the threat of a feeding tube had him relenting.

"Yes," she responded.

"Why? You should've left me…" he accused.

Emily was silent, stunned.

"…Only know how to do one thing…" he ventured, his voice faraway as his gaze. "If I can't do that, then I got no business…" he said, smiling vaguely at the pun. But the pain in his eyes showed clearly.

"I will never leave you, Derek. We're going to get through this. I promise."

* * *

><p>While Emily was gone, Carolyn took on the role of caretaker for JJ, Aaron and Spencer. She had help, of course, but for the most part, mothering had fallen to her. During the day, all of them were in school, so that lightened the load a bit. Penelope regularly helped in the mornings, and Nathaniel and Cary helped with the little boys at night. Because JJ was still in the foster care system, she needed to be with a cleared adult at all times, which meant she was never far from Carolyn's side. She spent the night at their place. Nathaniel and Cary were cleared in Vermont to be long term caregivers for foster kids, but as regulations were different in each state, they wanted to err on the side of caution and make sure JJ had the right care.<p>

To say that she was not pleased by this arrangement would be putting it lightly. Carolyn already noticed several items disappearing and had taken to keeping her valuables under lock and key. It didn't seem to matter that David was a retired cop, though JJ respected him, definitely. This event with Derek was simply too big for JJ to cope with and she found herself resorting to what worked in the past to make her feel better.

For the most part, Carolyn tried to keep the family intact. They ate dinner together each night. David, Nathaniel, Cary and Penelope often joined them, but even then, the empty places were felt. It was now Wednesday evening and all three kids were clearly out of sorts.

"I did _such_ a great job solving that secret code," Spencer gushed, stabbing a meatball. Carolyn smiled at him. Everyone had praised all of the children for trusting their instincts when Derek was missing. They didn't want Spencer, Aaron or JJ blaming themselves for something that was clearly outside their control.

"Okay. We get it. Can you stop talking about it now?" JJ insisted. She picked at her food and seemed not to want to discuss anything pertaining to Derek or Emily.

"Why not?" Spencer asked. "I _did_ do a good job. So did you. So did everyone," Spencer encouraged.

"I miss Emily," Aaron said sadly, pushing his spaghetti around on his plate. "Is she _ever_ coming back?"

"Of course she is," Dave answered confidently. "As soon as Derek's better, you'll all be together again," he promised, squeezing Aaron's shoulder.

He flinched away from the touch.

That was only the beginning. JJ managed to give them the slip, as Dave put it, and he went out for the second time in four days, searching for a missing child. Aaron was out of sorts because he wasn't sure if Emily would be back in time to come and have lunch with him on Friday. Though she, Nathaniel, Cary and Dave all offered to go in her place, they were summarily dismissed.

"You're not the same," he insisted, stalking to his room and slamming the door.

At 8:00, when Spencer had been in bed a half hour and Aaron was just joining him, Carolyn found both boys in tears and was unable to comfort either one.

"I want Emily," Spencer sobbed.

"I can't sleep when he's like this," Aaron wailed angrily. "And he's _always _like this when Emily's gone!"

For three hours, she attempted to comfort them and it did little good. They only got more upset and hysterical about things unrelated to the current situation. "I don't want to go back to third grade..." Spencer wept. "I can't write cursive and all the kids make fun of me!" Carolyn did her best to allay his concerns, but didn't know how much good she was doing.

She called Nathaniel and Cary in to see if they could soothe Spencer and see what was troubling Aaron. Carolyn needed to talk to Dave and be sure he'd found JJ, or at least, was hot on her trail.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel held Cary's hand - squeezed it once for strength and then went into the little boys' room. He took a deep breath and prepared himself for a potentially long night. Carolyn had already been at this for three hours. He had no idea how much longer Aaron and Spencer could keep going. He sat on Aaron's bed, surprised when Aaron grabbed onto his arm.<p>

Across the room, he overheard Cary telling Spencer the easy things. "Everyone's nervous about school. Everyone feels out of place. Someday, you'll have a lot of friends. There's plenty to like about you." Spencer seemed easily reassured, but then, he would dissolve into tears again.

"It's not fair Emily's gone!" he cried.

Aaron was quieter. "When I first came, she always told me we'd always be together, but she lied." Aaron sniffed. "She said family's always there for each other, but she's not here now."

"Sometimes, it's hard," Nathaniel admitted. "I know Emily, and I know she loves you. I know she wants to be here. She would if she could..."

"She _could be_ though!" Aaron objected, louder than he meant to. "But she loves Derek more than us!"

That set Spencer off again. Cary glanced at Nathaniel, who bit his lip and held his hands, palm up. "No she doesn't," he denied softly. "Emily loves you boys and JJ and Derek all exactly the same. Sometimes parents have to make hard choices. That's all."

"That doesn't help _at all_," Spencer bawled. "That means she _chose him over us_ and that hurts our feelings... If we did such a good job helping Derek come back then he should be home by now, but he's not...and I miss him...and I _miss Emily!_"

"Oh...I know, you guys..." Cary muttered, sympathetic and feeling entirely out of his depth.

"Sing," Nathaniel mouthed.

"Do you guys want to hear a song?" Cary asked.

Tearfully, Aaron nodded.

"Do you know anything by Bob Dylan?" Spencer asked, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "Or about the color orange?"

"That stuff scares you," Aaron insisted. He turned his attention to Cary. "Don't sing about either of those things or he's going to have nightmares about Bob Dylan coming in here in a big orange jacket or something..."

"That's not true... They make me think of Derek now," Spencer objected.

Cary thought, but only briefly. He had to trust his gut on this.

"It's a beautiful day," he sang softly, like the classic U2 song was a lullaby. A weird choice, maybe, but for these boys, he needed to be creative.

He sang and sang, smiling at Carolyn, who lingered in the doorway, happy to hear that everyone was settling down.

* * *

><p>He was getting too old for this. Dave hadn't been able to stop the thought before it entered his head. This was the second time in four days he had to go searching for a missing kid. Don't get him wrong, Dave would always drop anything to search for any one of Emily's kids, but after what happened to Derek, his nerves were shot. Thankfully, JJ was more predictable, and he found her walking, several blocks away. She had evaded him for an hour by hiding in bushes and other obvious places because she hadn't wanted to be found yet When he asked where she was headed, her response was clear and sad:

"The cemetary. I can't go to the hospital, so...you know...I might as well go to the only family I have left. Even though I hate her guts, too..." JJ muttered darkly.

"You want a lift?" Dave asked, tooling slowly beside her.

"You'd drive me?" she asked skeptically.

At his nod, she had gotten in the car. That's how, at 11 PM, he ended up in the parking lot of the local cemetary. Dave sat in silence for several minutes until his phone buzzed on his hip. He picked it up and reassured Carolyn that he'd found JJ and that she was safe. When he hung up, it seemed, she was finally ready to talk.

"Do you think Emily's gonna send me back?" JJ wondered. "I mean, now that Derek's in the hospital and stuff...she doesn't really have time for me. Aaron and Spencer...well...she _has _to be there for them, but with me she has a choice."

Dave listened, knowing the value of silence as well as the power of it.

"She totally could. I wouldn't blame her. Especially now. It's my fault Derek left. It's my fault because I didn't tell anyone sooner and I should've. I should've gone straight home when that asshole tried to put his hands on me and I should've told and then maybe this whole thing wouldn't have happened," JJ insisted, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"This is not your fault. We all understand that you were scared. You did everything right. You said no. You fought back and you trusted your gut when Spencer brought you those license plate numbers in your journal. You knew better than to brush those off. JJ, those let me know exactly where to look. It's not because of you Derek left. It's because of you we found him."

"I took this...from your house the last couple nights..." JJ dug in her pockets and pulled out various rings, a necklace and an old cigar pipe that belonged to Dave's grandfather. It was a strange response, but somehow, Dave understood it. He was sharing a secret and she was sharing her own. "I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. I'm trying to do better. I swear I am. I just don't know what else to do..." She dropped the items into his hand.

"I appreciate you giving this back," he said, looking her in the eye. "And to answer your earlier question, no. I don't believe Emily will send you back. You're a part of us now. A part of this family. It's just taking a little while to make it official, that's all. This kind of stuff happens in families. Tragedies, upheaval, loss, all of it. The real mark of a family is how they pull together through it." He was silent, waiting.

She offered a small smile. "Well, I can't really pull together, 'cause I have to sleep at _your_ house."

"Someday, we'll all be together..." he promised, putting an arm around her. "What do you say? Should we go home?"

"Yeah, I guess..." she sighed. In the darkness, JJ reached out and held his hand tightly. She squeezed every few minutes and he returned the gesture.

They weren't speaking, but they were definitely having a conversation.

* * *

><p>It took Derek days to respond to his name. Longer to register anything other than big time pain. The whole time, Emily stayed. The few times he talked to her, she was always there for him, even though he was no good to anybody now.<p>

This whole thing felt like a bad dream. Coming off the drugs was hell. Getting tested and examined made him want to be sick. Talking to the specialist made him want to punch holes in everything. After two weeks, she had everybody in on a session and Derek was nervous. He hadn't seen his brothers and sister for so long. The way he heard it told, they were a big part of the reason he was here now.

When he saw them, he didn't know what to say. None of them approached him, and that was fine. He didn't want them touching him anyway. He didn't want to do anything with them. He didn't feel good enough to be with them. They had done all the hard work to save him, and for what? What good was he? No one really wanted him, did they? To _use_ him, sure…but they didn't want him as a person. They didn't want him as Derek.

He tried to stay with them mentally. Tried not to get lost in his head. He was working on that. In one corner, Spencer was drawing a big, happy face. In another, Aaron was drawing a monster with fangs. Emily, even, had sprawled out on the carpet and was drawing a big heart with all of their names in it. JJ wasn't drawing anything, she was just staring at Derek, like she didn't know him.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered. Then, JJ picked up the red marker and traced her own hand. She wrote the word STOP in all capital letters. They were outlined in red like a stop sign. Derek shivered, but pretended it didn't bother him.

"For what? You don't gotta be sorry…" He picked up a marker and drew a house with a tree in the yard. It had a big hole in the trunk. There was a snake in the grass. But it was camouflaged. It was sunny and perfect. No one knew what was going on behind the door. Just like in his real life.

"Okay. Let's find objects that match what you're drawing." The specialist, named Anna, said.

Derek wrinkled his nose. She was so weird. She had tons of toys but she said they weren't toys. She called them objects. Derek hated that word. _He _felt like an object. Like a number. Nothing like a person.

He surveyed the collection but didn't touch anything. Spencer found a thing that sort of looked like a knight. Emily found a mother bear with four cubs. JJ found a red sign that looked like it belonged with a set of Legos. Aaron found a dragon he had been using as inspiration for his drawing. Derek found a huge model house and a tree and a thing that he pretended was a snake.

Anna was saying something but Derek couldn't hear it. His mind was a million miles away. His heart was racing and this was the last thing he wanted to be doing. He didn't want to work together, or whatever they were doing.

So, he imagined what he would do if he had all the power. He would put the mother bear inside the house and all the cubs, too. He would have Spencer's knight outside, guarding everything. He would chop down the tree and kill the snake. He'd tame the dragon, so maybe it could learn to trust people. And last but not least, he'd change the sign. Instead of saying _stop_, it would say _Emily. _Derek would put it right by the house like a warning to any outsiders. That one word would make them stop. That one word would keep everyone doing what they should. That one word would keep everyone from giving up. Just like it kept _him_ from giving up.

Derek blinked away the image.

If only it were that easy.

**A/N: Whew. Finally, Derek's safe. Thank goodness. He's got a long way to go, though. Still a few more chapters to come, so yay for that! Thanks everyone for reading!**


	30. Identity

Back home, things were strange, because they were the same, while Derek had changed so much. Spencer and Aaron still fought over whose turn it wasn't to do chores. JJ was still banned from downstairs and doing chores to work off stuff she took from Dave and Carolyn's house while Derek was in the hospital.

It was weird being home. The only thing he kind of liked was the chance to be with his baseball buddies again. He had missed a lot of practice, but now, he was willing to practice with JJ. Now, they both needed work. Now, Derek wasn't so arrogant to assume that he didn't need any help and shouldn't have to help other people. If other people never helped _him_ - if Dave or Spencer or JJ or anyone in his family - hadn't been paying attention at the right moment, Derek knew he could be dead right now.

He didn't talk about what happened. Not with Emily. Not with anybody. It wasn't their business. The only person he talked to about it was Anna. She was pretty cool. But she was cool because she didn't try to be. She never put on an act. She was always straight with him. Always just enough on the awkward side to put him at ease. She always let him pick what they talked about first, or what activity they did. Derek was glad he didn't have to see that other shrink anymore. Obviously, that one hadn't known what they were doing. Hadn't been able to see through Derek's crap. He needed someone who was able to do that and more.

It had been a few months, and this life was still like new. He still jumped if he heard a car out front. Depending on what he was doing, it took him a few times to respond, if somebody was calling his name. It had only been a day, but God, it had felt like so much longer. He was glad to know that both of the perpetrators in his case had been killed in some kind of fight while they were waiting for trial. That meant no testifying. That meant, he got to try and move on with his life. There would always be lowlifes and it would always be hard, but he had to try.

Life was pretty much back to normal now. Except that he and Spencer and JJ were all getting different individualized teaching in school. Spencer was in the gifted program. He and JJ each spent part time in a resource room. Aaron was the only one of them still on target academically, but at home, everything was still chaotic depending on the day.

Derek was having nightmares now. Loud ass nightmares that woke the whole house up. No amount of reassuring could bring him out of them. He started locking his door and his window - and double-checking them - to be sure they were secure. Tonight, he fell headlong into one so horrible he felt sure he was back there. He felt positive he would die.

He never could see anything. Just feel. It was always hazy. There were always hands. It hurt and Derek couldn't escape. He couldn't fight back. Sometimes, he woke up sweating. Sometimes swinging. Always screaming.

He broke stupid rules after the nightmares. Today, he woke up and came upstairs in his boxer shorts and sat at the table. He poured himself a bowl of cereal and didn't even glance up until he sensed something move in his peripheral vision. It wasn't something. It was some_one_. Emily.

"Derek," she said, like she'd been trying to get his attention for a long time. "Go get dressed." Her tone left no room for argument.

"This is dressed enough," he said softly, focusing on his breakfast, but even as he said it, Derek excused himself and went downstairs to throw on a shirt and some sweats. "Sorry," he apologized.

"Did you eat the last of the cereal?" JJ accused tiredly.

Derek shoved the box in her direction and returned downstairs. He needed a shower, but couldn't make himself take one. It was too hard being faced with himself every damn day. So, he wore a lot of cologne and deodorant and hoped it would do. His skin kept crawling and there was nothing he could do about it. When Spencer - six as of last month - darted in without knocking to go pee Derek lost his breath. He needed privacy now, bad, and he tried explaining that, but locking the bathroom door didn't go over well. That meant he had to deal with Spencer bursting in like he owned the place every damn morning.

Derek tensed and glanced up inadvertently, catching his own reflection in the mirror. His breath caught inside him and he couldn't tear his eyes away. He couldn't stop thinking of the last time more people than just himself had been in a bathroom. It was dirty and excruciating and Derek thought he'd forgotten, but he hadn't. He couldn't move.

"Excuse me. I need to wash my hands," Spencer said. His voice sounded like it was coming through a long tunnel. He vaguely felt Spencer attempt to push him aside and heard him yelling to Emily that he was in the way and refusing to move.

* * *

><p>Emily sighed. There was always a crisis here in the morning, even when there didn't have to be. Derek had been doing better lately, but a fresh round of nightmares had occurred last night, leaving him unpredictable, and everyone else sleep-deprived and a little raw. There was little she could do for Derek during the nightmares. If she attempted to comfort him, they quickly escalated, so she stopped that altogether. Sometimes, she sang to him from the doorway of his room. Sometimes, it helped, if she managed to pick the right song at the right moment.<p>

She had it on good authority, too, thanks to Dave, Carolyn, and all the rest of her help that JJ, Aaron and Spencer hadn't fared well while she'd been away. The little boys felt abandoned, while JJ had run away to the cemetery late at night to visit her sister's grave.

The potential damage done by Emily's need to be with Derek was yet to be determined. Two months out and the family still felt at loose ends. She had no plans for Thanksgiving. She needed to get through this morning first.

Penelope, when she came, was a godsend.

"Hello!" she called, breezing in with a cup of Emily's favorite coffee and snatching the notebook JJ was holding out of Aaron's reach. "Tough day?" she guessed, handing Emily the cup just as Spencer's raised voice could be heard from downstairs.

"Allow me," Penelope said, walking quickly down the stairs and extracting Spencer from Derek's side.

"He's not letting me wash my hands! I'll get germs on everyone! I'm getting germs on you _right now_!" he insisted, his voice rising.

"I can take it. Lucky for you, there are multiple sinks in this house, and all of them work. So, why don't you go use one of those?" Penelope urged.

Spencer heaved a sigh and sent a dirty look at Derek before stomping upstairs.

"Hey. You okay?" she asked Derek, when the little guy was out of earshot. Derek was standing like a statue, staring into the mirror. Come to think of it, it was more than a little off-putting. It was the kind of blank stare that raised the hair up off her arms.

He didn't move. He didn't even appear to breathe.

"Derek. It's Penelope." She was careful not to breech the doorway. She followed Emily's example and was uber-respectful of his boundaries. Spencer, Aaron and even JJ were free with their affections. They loved hugs and high-fives. Derek had always kept a wide berth around her, except for that rare instance when he tried to take her down when she was destroying the art studio. Now, he was even more unapproachable.

He gripped the edge of the sink hard, holding his breath.

"Derek…Come on… You've got school…" Emily called.

"Honey, you okay?" Penelope pressed gently.

* * *

><p>It was her total difference that made him turn. The voice he wasn't used to hearing. The bright colors. The concern. The unfamiliarity. The fact that she kept her distance. All these things and more cause him to react when no one had been able to break the spell his own reflection had on him.<p>

* * *

><p>At that, he turned, blinking heavily at her. He walked slowly out of the bathroom and sat on the steps, holding his head in his hands. "Sorry…" he said quietly. "I didn't hear you."<p>

"It's okay…" she said, standing awkwardly against the far wall. She sent a worried glance up the stairs where Emily was watching. At her nod, Penelope asked if he was okay.

"I don't know who I am…" he admitted quietly. "It's been two months here. I spent _one day_ there. I don't even… Whatever…" he shrugged. "You didn't ask for this…"

"You're Derek," Penelope said softly, crouching. She was hopefully less imposing this way. "You're Emily's son and JJ, Aaron and Spencer's older brother. You're great at baseball. You're in eighth grade…" she trailed off, realizing how little she truly knew about him. "You're protective and intense and understanding…" Penelope paused, thinking of the frame on Emily's studio wall. "You're a poet… You're a person…"

Penelope's eyes were bright with tears. What little she had known about Derek's past had exploded into an unbelievable reality when the news picked up the story. She was horrified and repulsed that monsters like the ones who tricked Derek and tortured him actually existed in residential neighborhoods like theirs.

"You're a person…" she repeated.

He shook his head slightly, as if this was simply too much to take in. "I'm numb," he said.

In the silence that followed, with the opening and closing of the door upstairs, Penelope imagined the other kids leaving for school - driven by Dave or Carolyn - since Emily hadn't yet abandoned her post at the top of the stairs. It was reassuring to look up and see her there.

"I think that's okay…" she said finally. "I'm not a shrink, but it actually seems really normal…" she reassured.

He glanced up for the first time, squinting at her garish pink and green attire. "How do I stop this? I don't wanna feel like this…" Derek admitted softly.

Penelope shrugged. She wasn't an expert in the least and didn't want to give Derek bad advice.

"Things don't get better, do they?" he asked, sounding hopeless.

"Oh, that's where you're wrong," she said, trying to smile. "They don't get better right away. They suck for a while. Maybe a long while. But they _will_ get better."

She watched, as Derek withdrew a crumpled piece of paper from the pocket of his sweatpants. "Y'all are the same. You know that?" he asked, touching the paper with reverence.

"I'm sorry?" she asked, shaking her head.

"You and JJ. Both of you think everything's so easy…"

"No," Penelope objected, smiling sadly. "Easy? No. Worth it? Absolutely. We all have our own darkness we're trying to get through. We're all hurt. We're all trying to survive, Derek. There is no magic to make it happen. The only thing I've found that works is sticking close to those of us who truly value you and respect you as the totally awesome person you are."

There was a pause, so long and thick with silence Penelope wasn't sure he was going to speak again. She bit her lip and felt sadness fall on her like a heavy winter blanket. Who was she to give advice to this kid who had been through so much? What did she have to offer. Eighteen years of screwing up. Eleven months of sobriety.

But then, he drew a breath. Then, he picked up his head and met her gaze.

"Derek Prentiss…" he said, his voice barely audible. Tentatively, he extended a hand.

"Penelope," she managed, squeezing gently, her throat full of tears.

**A/N: A new chapter late in the day! Good to see the healing going on. And I still love knowing that so many of you are discovering and loving the story. Thanks so much for the support!**


	31. Love

That evening was the first time Emily felt as though she could truly breathe. Yes, Derek had been home for two months, but they had only been in survival mode. There had been so much transition, getting him, JJ and Spencer the academic placements they needed, and seeing that Aaron kept up in his fourth grade class.

Derek was doing his best to deal with what happened, but it was confusing even for Emily - she could not imagine how her thirteen-year-old could make sense of it. After his talk with Penelope, Emily gave him the choice, though she didn't always: did he want to go to school or stay home? Incredibly, he chose school. Though he was failing nearly every class, like JJ, he preferred to be there.

She did her best to apply appropriate academic pressure - not too much and not too little - for each child. Derek was easily overwhelmed and frustrated. JJ appeared lazy, though Emily suspected, thanks to reports from the resource room at the junior high, that she might have a learning disability. Aaron remained studious and a little perfectionist, hating to miss even one point on assignments or tests. Spencer was thriving in the gifted program; where students alternated as his note-taker, and he was given adequate time to practice handwriting, and fine motor skills that were still developing in childhood.

On the emotional side, things weren't looking good. At dinner, Aaron sat and refused to eat. It was becoming a pattern - a behavior that re-emerged after Emily's time away. She was doing her best to get food into him when a commotion broke out across the table. In an uncharacteristic show of temper, Spencer lashed out at JJ, who reached across him and inadvertently spilled his milk. It ran in a white mini-flood across Spencer's plate, the table, and into his lap. Emily had no time to react before Spencer lunged at JJ, taking both of them to the floor.

"Say you're sorry!" Spencer screamed, as JJ wiggled out from under him and stood up. He continued taking wild swings, which JJ warded off without trouble, but Emily could see her shaking, surprised by his anger.

She was out of her chair and on her way around the table, but not before Derek got a grip on Spencer and held on.

"She has to say she's sorry!" Spencer continued to insist.

"No, she does not. That was an accident," Derek shot back. "_You_ need to apologize to _her_! We don't hit in this family, kid! Not anybody and especially not girls!"

"I can take care of myself…" JJ muttered.

"Derek," Emily interrupted quietly.

"What? You're not about to tell him that's okay…" Derek seethed. "It's a rule. He broke it. There's gotta be consequences. I don't care if he's the youngest."

"I'm the parent, Derek. Trust me. He's getting consequences. But it's _my _job to give them to him, not yours."

Only then did he release his hold on Spencer, so that Emily could put him on timeout for an "agonizing" six minutes.

* * *

><p>Spencer screamed the loudest he ever had. He never got this kind of consequence before. Aaron had. JJ and Derek were sent to their rooms sometimes. However, Spencer knew better. Most of the time. It wasn't his fault that JJ had been careless and spilled on him. She owed him the apology, not the other way around. Nevertheless, there she was at dinner, and here he was in wet milk pants that were uncomfortable. It wasn't fair at all. He reared forward, ready to smack his head into the wall.<p>

"Don't even think about it!" Emily warned. "Hurting yourself has never been okay and it isn't okay now! Do you understand me?"

"Of course I understand!" Spencer yelled, getting angrier by the second. Why did Emily always ask such silly questions?

When the timer buzzed, Emily reminded him why he was there, which made Spencer roll his eyes. He wasn't stupid.

"Listen to me, Spencer. You will behave respectfully. That is not an option. It's okay to be angry and frustrated and even surprised. But it's never okay to be aggressive with someone else the way you were with JJ. We use words. We don't act out."

Spencer wasn't really listening. He was counting his feelings down, so they didn't explode out of him. Usually, he started from ten and kept going down to zero, but tonight was much worse, so he started from fifty.

"I want you to say you're sorry to JJ, and I want you to pick up the chairs that fell over," Emily said calmly.

The counting wasn't working. Spencer was mad as ever. "That's not fair! She did a mean thing to me first!" He buried his face in a blanket nearby. "You don't love us anyway. You left, and people who leave their kids can't tell them what to do."

* * *

><p>Emily nodded to the rest of the kids to finish eating, and then turned her attention to Spencer.<p>

"You feel like I don't love you, huh?" Emily asked sadly. "Like I left you alone?"

"Obviously," Spencer answered with just a bit too much attitude. "I just _said_ that. And I feel like you love Derek more than us because you left us and stayed with him…"

"If you were in the hospital, you would feel very scared and sad and you'd want somebody with you. That's why I had to stay with Derek."

"That doesn't make any sense," Spencer shook his head. "I wasn't in the hospital."

Emily sighed. "I'm very sorry you feel that way. I _do _love you. Very much. Even when you misbehave. Even when I have to leave for a little while, like I did when I stayed with Derek. Nothing that happens will ever change that. Do you know why?"

"Because I'm your son and you chose me," Spencer said. He knew this, because Emily talked about it all the time when he was first being adopted. "We're a family and family loves each other no matter what," he finished, calming down a little at the familiar comfort in the words.

"That's right. Now go make things right with JJ," she encouraged.

* * *

><p>JJ had taken over where Emily left off. Though Aaron was now huddled under the table, JJ had brought both their plates down, too, and talked to him softly while she tried to get him to eat. Aaron was staring at Derek's sneakers like he'd never seen them before.<p>

"I'm sorry I pushed you," Spencer's voice whispered from beside her. Before she could react, his arms were around her. He always squeezed too tightly. She, Emily - everyone - kept trying to remind him and show him how to be gentle, but JJ guessed it hadn't sunken in yet.

Even though JJ wasn't in a forgiving mood yet, she tried to be. "I didn't mean to spill your milk, okay? You didn't have to lose your shit about it."

The corner of Aaron's mouth twitched.

"Does lose your shit mean pushing?" Spencer asked honestly.

"No. Lose your shit means going all crazy when something minor happens…" JJ clarified, ruffling his hair.

In a minute, Spencer's entire face changed. His eyes were hostile and he looked like he wanted to kill her again.

"What? What did I say?" JJ asked, seriously confused. She was vaguely aware of Emily calling Aaron out from beneath the table.

"I'm not crazy…I'm _emotional_…" Spencer insisted, his voice serious. His eyes felt like lasers burning into her.

"Spence, settle down, okay? I didn't mean anything by it. It's just an expression. I was just explaining because you wanted to know."

"Oh. Okay," Spencer said, a smile back on his face.

JJ sighed. If only her own life were so easy to solve.

* * *

><p>Emily passed Derek on the way to find Aaron. It was well past his bedtime, and he was nowhere to be found. She checked his all the bedrooms, the kitchen, the living room, the laundry room, and even outside. But there was no sign of him.<p>

"Have you seen Aaron?" she asked.

"No…" Derek said, keeping his head down. "Emily. Wait."

Her breath caught as he touched her arm for the briefest of seconds. "What is it, buddy?" she asked, giving him her full attention.

"Can I call Anna?" he asked, casting furtive glances at the cell phone on her hip. None of her kids had cell phones. Using hers was a way to keep them accountable, because everything they did showed up on her phone bill.

"Of course," Emily responded, handing the phone off to him.

"What about…Penelope? Could I call her? Just to talk?" he asked.

"Why don't you bring it up with Anna and see what she suggests," Emily smiled encouragingly and was almost immediately accosted by JJ, who stood with her hands on her hips.

"I need the phone."

"Derek's using it right now. You'll have to wait your turn," Emily said.

JJ sighed dramatically, but tailed Emily as she continued her search for Aaron. "I have the perfect solution. A cell phone. For me. I haven't stolen anything in….seven days…" JJ said, apparently thinking back. "And I paid Dave and Carolyn back and I paid _you _back finally. So I don't have any personal debt. _That's_ good, right?"

"That's _very_ good. I'm proud of you. Your own phone's not happening, though," Emily said easily, peeking in closets. She called Aaron's name, but heard no response. For some reason, though, Emily had a feeling he was close by. She wasn't worried.

"Truth?" JJ prompted. It was their own version of Truth or Dare, but since Emily never took dares, JJ was constantly asking for truths.

"Always. What's up?" she asked.

"Are you gonna adopt me…like, _ever_? Or are you gonna give me back?" JJ asked biting her lip.

Emily stopped cold. They had discussed this repeatedly, whenever it came up in conversation. She let JJ know whenever a new step of the process was complete. As of now, they were still three to six months shy of anything final, but at least things were moving.

"Sweetie, of course. What makes you think I'd ever want to give you back?"

JJ shrugged. "Maybe you're too busy with Derek and the little boys now…or maybe I'm too much trouble… I know I don't do that great at school and I have an attitude…"

Emily pulled JJ in for a hug, not caring that they were still standing in the hall by a linen closet. "The last thing I'd ever want to do is to give you back. You're so special, JJ. You're kind and caring. You're intelligent and athletic. You're a great sister. You're a great daughter…" she said, pressing a kiss to the top of JJ's head.

"Can I call you Mom, even though it's not official?" JJ asked, tentatively.

"I would love it."

"Can I change my name?"

"To whatever you like," Emily nodded.

"What about Bertha?" JJ asked, humor shining in her blue eyes.

"_Bertha_ Prentiss… Has a nice ring to it," Emily laughed. "Well, honey, I've got to find Aaron and get him in bed. You all have school tomorrow, so you should get some sleep, okay? I love you."

"You, too," JJ said easily. "Night, Mom," she said and continued down the hall.

* * *

><p>By the time Emily found Aaron, he was an hour and a half late for bed. After searching the house twice over and calling Dave, to be sure he hadn't gone over to watch Westerns with him - it had happened before - Emily remembered the one place she failed to check. She opened the door to the art studio, and there he was.<p>

Belly-down on the floor in green and blue plaid pants and a gray tee shirt, hard at work on something. He was close to the wall and beneath the easels, so Emily moved them aside and crawled in, too.

"Can I see?" she asked quietly. But Aaron slid his arm around it protectively. "Sergio. Down," he said calmly, and comically - amazingly, the cat laid his sleek black body across Aaron's picture.

"Do you love me?" he asked Emily honestly, breaking her heart. Her absence had hurt them all so deeply. Two months later and they were finally opening up about it.

"I do. You're my first little boy," she told him tenderly.

"I was afraid… When you were gone? I was afraid that you wouldn't come back…" he admitted softly.

For a minute, she just stared at him. He had changed so much from the malnourished seven-year-old she met almost two years earlier. He'd grown rapidly in every area, and yet, there was a part of him - a very big part - that feared he would be left alone again.

"Remember that book we used to read? The Dr. Seuss one?" he asked. "It was like the page with all the waiting. Your most favorite page and my least favorite."

"You waited a long time for me to come back," she said. "But I _did_ come back, didn't I? Because I love all of you so much. Things will get difficult from time to time. They do, in families, every once in a while. But we're still a family. We're always going to be there for each other, and we each need to do our part. I need you to take care of yourself. I need you eating and doing your best to stay around us and not disappear even if you think it's what we want. It isn't, honey. We want you with us. We want you healthy."

"Yes, ma'am," he said offering her a small smile.

Instead of making Emily nervous, she found herself smiling back.

He nodded absently. Slowly, Aaron moved his hand aside. He gave Sergio a gentle shove. Then, he moved the picture into Emily's line of vision. "It's for in here, if you want to hang it up," Aaron offered quietly. "It's our family."

Emily gazed at the drawing, blinking back tears. The whole thing was done meticulously in colored pencils. Everyone had a striking likeness to their real human counterparts, so that Emily felt sure even without the labels above everyone's heads, she would have no trouble identifying them.

There she was with a big smile and long dark hair. Beside her was Aaron, drawn, thank God, to scale with everyone else. In front of her stood Spencer, his glasses giving him a scholarly appearance. On her other side stood JJ and behind them was Derek. Fanning out from the main group were more faces. Penelope, drawn in fiery brilliance with bright colors. Dave and Carolyn, holding hands. And even Nathaniel, Cary and Matthew. In front of them was Sergio, relaxing in the bright sun.

"Do you like it?" Aaron asked.

"I love it," Emily nodded. "It looks like you included a lot of people."

"Well, they're all important to us, right. Like Derek's writing says, 'Everything good makes a family,' right? All these people…they kind of give us all those good things. Dave and Carolyn are like grandparents, who treat us nice and teach us things. Nate and Cary are like uncles and that would make Matthew our cousin. They're always here when we need them. And even though Penelope's not adopted in, she's a lot like a big sister, don't you think? I like how she calls me Mr. President," he added.

Emily was speechless. She could easily remember a time one Valentine's Day when Aaron steadfastly refused to include Penelope in his family. No one, except the immediate family was included. He'd said he hated her. It seemed so long ago. He had come so far.

"I love it," Emily repeated, gasping a little as Aaron wrapped his arms around her.

"I love _you_," he said softly.

**A/N: This one was so fun to write. Love character interactions. Just a heads-up, there's only going to be one more chapter after this. Thank you all so much for all your support. Favorites, alerts, reviews, even just knowing people are reading this and really getting it is so meaningful for me. So thank you to all of you.**


	32. Mosaic

**A/N: Wow, you guys. This has been such a great journey. A huge thank you to EVERYONE who has taken it with me. But special thanks to the following people: 12wallflower, Afroza-IX, Amelia, Aradatm, blackandblueangel, BrandSpankingNew, Cadens Stella, CandyMater, colours and carousels, craftygirl11, Cribellate, CrimStudent47, ..Now, Daisyangel, Delia Page, dino-dog83, ginshi-chan, HoWi, hxchick, j, Jada Ryl, Jen, JillR, kdzl, kim, Kuria Dalmatia, Liberty Girl In the Sky, Likethewolf, musewars, NancyL915, narwhayley, Once Upon a Femmeslash, patbor, Rach5, rainbowlouise, RLD Flame-point Callie-co, R0CKSTARM0NST3R, Shannon, stayshiny, susannah2000, Tara621, Thalia The Huntress, theangelsarecoming, Thistle of Liberty, twilightfan888, Waffles Of Doom, Whatif-ifonly, x-Alice Queen of Hearts-x, xxiicesweetiie and Yanirose for your words of encouragement and support. For letting me know what you were enjoying and what was making you mad. Hearing from you really spurred me onto finish this story. Thank you all so much. And of course, thank you to bowlerhat_girl for the prompt that inspired this story in the first place. Without you, the story would not exist.**

**I chose to end the story at this point so that there would be avenues for possible follow-up stories. As this story was about the creation of a family, from the ground up, I felt it best to close here. Enjoy the last chapter!**

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><p>"Derek, this is JJ. Over?" JJ paused, waiting while the walkie-talkie crackled in her hands. These were by far the best Christmas gifts they had gotten. Two sets - one for each of them - from Penelope. For the last three months, JJ had rarely been without hers. It was a cool way to communicate with downstairs when she couldn't actually <em>go<em> downstairs. Technically, she _was_ allowed now, but definitely not at 2 AM. That would scare the crap out of her brothers.

She paused, her heart stuttering a little in her chest. Her brothers. Tomorrow - well, today actually, Derek, Aaron and Spencer would become her brothers. That was weird and kind of freaky because it meant her whole life was changing. There was no going back. The last few days, it had been really hard to keep herself on track. JJ was making it her own personal goal since November to not steal anything until her adoption day. Despite a couple shaky moments, she had actually made it. She carried around a little notebook like Dave, and marked her progress. Each day was a tally mark. Now, she was into months. Four months exactly since she had stolen anything. She was proud of herself, even though she felt herself going backward in other areas. Bad didn't cancel out good, according to Emily…according to her mom… JJ smiled even though her stomach twisted nervously. What would it be like to have a mom again? A real mom, responsible for her? Would she get tired of JJ just like her first mom had?

"What do you want?" Derek's tired voice asked.

JJ was silent a minute. What _did_ she want from her big brother? Though he was only eleven months older, he seemed a million years more mature than her. She hesitated. He seemed pissed off. But her thoughts hadn't stopped racing for the last four hours. She couldn't settle down.

"What was it like when you were adopted?" she asked quietly, depressing the button and waiting.

"You nervous?" he asked, but not like he was teasing her. Like he was serious.

"Yeah. Kinda," she allowed.

"It was pretty cool. It was less scary I think because I had the other boys with me. But we'll all be with you, too. And Emily and Penelope, Dave and Carolyn, Nathaniel, Cary and Matthew."

"But I have to go in by myself," JJ objected.

"Emily'll go with you," he reassured. "It'll be okay. They just ask if you understand that she has all the rights and responsibilities of a mother towards you and if this is really what you want. Then you sign your name on this form and Emily signs and the judge, like, announces you. Didn't Emily already tell you this?" he asked, a little irritated.

"Well, yeah, but she never got adopted. I want to know what it's like. I want to know how it feels," JJ insisted.

There's a silence and JJ pictures Derek shrugging his shoulders or pacing or anything, just to occupy her racing thoughts. "I don't really remember a lot of it," he admitted. "But when it's over? It's like you finally have a place…"

JJ was silent, thinking. She wanted to ask him so many things, but they felt way too personal. He was so private. And if JJ turned things around, she knew she wouldn't want him asking about her personal business. She knew he talked to that specialist, Anna, once a week, and sometimes more. Six months had passed since those creeps had taken Derek, and he was up and down and all over the place. Sometimes, he acted fine, but sometimes he lashed out if she got too close. JJ could handle herself, so she didn't mind. It just made her feel so bad. And it made her wonder. Derek had felt like he belonged and his old life still came back for him.

"This won't fix everything, will it?" she asked.

"Nope. But hey. You'll be a Prentiss. And you'll have three brothers and a mother who will all have your back."

"Ten-four," JJ responded, because she didn't know what else to say. She set the walkie-talkie down and tried to sleep.

"Love you, JJ," Aaron's voice said, sounding static-covered and sleepy.

"What are you doing up?" she asked, masking her emotion with questions. "I know you're the president and everything, but you shouldn't eavesdrop. Besides, I bet the president has people to spy for him anyway. He should get to sleep."

"_You_ spy on people," Aaron said, and JJ could hear him smiling.

"Yeah, 'cause I'm actually _good _at spying. _You_ always give away your position…" JJ trailed off as she saw Emily standing there, her hand out.

"Looks like he's not the only one who gives away his position," Emily said wryly. It was dark, but it sounded to JJ like she was trying to keep a smile off her face.

"Mayday. I love you. Over and out," she said quickly to Aaron, handing the walkie-talkie over.

"You need to sleep. And so do I. Good night. I love you," Emily said, giving JJ a kiss.

The silence was too quiet and JJ forced herself to ask the question before Emily was all the way gone. "Can I still go see Janet after tomorrow? Or will being adopted like, change all that?"

Emily turned. JJ could sense it. And see it in her silhouette. "Of course, honey. Any one of us will take you anytime."

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><p>The next day, JJ was super crabby and not even French toast and hot chocolate could make it better. Mostly because she'd started her day by puking her guts out. Her stomach wouldn't chill out. She felt sick. The prospect of dressing up, or seeing any of the boys or Emily dressed up just increased JJ's nervousness.<p>

"I'm not wearing a dress," she maintained, scooting her chair as far from the table as she could. "Can't I just wear this?" she asked, gesturing to her baggy gray sweatpants and orange tee shirt. Besides, you're adopting me because of who I am inside, right? Not because I look good in a dress."

"You're right," Emily answered. "I want you to dress up because we're going to court and it's a special day."

"So?" JJ pouted, feeling much younger than thirteen. "My biological dad went to court and he looked like shit. The judge didn't care."

"Your dad got you taken away from him," Aaron pointed out. "The judge probably saw he didn't care about his own appearance and couldn't care about you."

JJ glared at him.

"I always feel best about myself when I'm dressed nicely," Spencer interjected, though no one asked him. "You _would _look nice in a dress, JJ. More like a girl," he added the last part helpfully, taking a large bite of French toast.

"Oh my God…you guys aren't helping anything!" she exclaimed.

"JJ. Come on. Just hurry and get dressed. I'll play ball with you later. You can bat," Derek promised, just as Penelope barged inside like she owned the place.

She took one look at JJ and sighed with relief. "Oh, thank God… You're not dressed. I've got the perfect thing for you to wear," Penelope told JJ.

Breathing a sigh of relief, JJ excused herself, disappearing into the bedroom with Penelope. When she prepared to emerge twenty minutes later, JJ felt almost human. Thanks to Penelope, she was dressed in a knee-length floral print dress, with a white open shirt over the top. She had brought jewelry, too. Earrings and a bracelet, which JJ reluctantly put on.

"You look so fantastic. There's one more thing," Penelope added gently. Then, she withdrew a box from the bottom of the bag.

Tentatively, JJ opened the box and gasped. Her sister's necklace sat there. The one Janet had given to her that last day, which JJ hadn't kept, and always wished she had.

"Where did you get this?" JJ gasped.

"I did a thing," Penelope admitted softly, taking the necklace and carefully putting it around JJ's neck.

JJ's breath caught and she waited for the panic. For the fear that used to live in her, at the thought of being strangled - at having anything around her neck - but it didn't come. This was Janet's last gift to her. And with it, JJ was able to remember her sister's last words. She had said that no matter what happened, Janet loved her. At the time, JJ had shrugged it off. Pushed Janet away. Now, she clutched the necklace, grateful for all of Penelope's strange ways of getting her hands on things.

"Thank you," JJ breathed.

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><p>The courtroom was a place with a lot of bad memories, but the judge seemed kind and tried to put JJ's mind at ease. It helped knowing that Emily was in here with her. That she had nine people waiting outside, rooting for her. It helped that this would be short. In minutes, the paper was placed in front of her. Carefully, JJ signed her new name. Emily signed as well.<p>

"The minor shall henceforth be named Jennifer Janet Prentiss…"

Emily's arms closed around her. JJ felt tears falling. She remembered the more serious conversation about her name they'd had in the months between November and March. JJ had paged through books with baby names in them, caught by the ones with cultural significance: Bella, from Twilight and Rachel from _Glee_, the show she and Emily sometimes watched together when they had a girls' weekend. But none of those names fit. She flipped past her own name, Jennifer, in the book, and her heart skipped a beat. Jennifer meant phantom. Phantom meant ghost. It was exactly how she had felt in the eighteen months since Janet died.

It was talking to Emily that convinced JJ to keep her given name. "You know, a synonym for phantom is spirit. You've got such a strong spirit, and I think your name suits you. It's your choice. Just something to think about." So, JJ had. She had studied the book, and eventually, when she had the courage, found Janet's name in the book. Beside it, were the words: God is gracious. If she were Jennifer Janet instead of Jennifer Ann, she could still go by JJ. Then, maybe, it would be a way to remind herself, and other people that she had a sister once. It would be a way to keep Janet close to her heart, even years after she was gone.

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><p>The family picture was beautiful as any painting. JJ, beaming with red eyes, holding her adoption certificate. There were a slew of pictures. One of her in the judge's chair. One with her brothers. One with Dave and Carolyn, where Dave kissed her cheek and welcomed her to the family like it was the mafia. One with the boys and Penelope. One with the Barrett-Mackeys. And one with all eleven of them, JJ in the center.<p>

Afterward, they returned home and threw a small party. Dave and Cary cooked. Carolyn and Nathaniel helped Emily organize. Penelope let Matthew ogle all of her shiny jewelry to his heart's content. Derek - with Aaron and Spencer in tow - had asked if they could give JJ her adoption gift. They didn't want it to be a big deal, and figured she wouldn't either. Emily agreed to let them do what they felt was right. To hear all three of them tell her "Thanks, Mom," as they turned to walk away, warmed her heart. It had taken them a little longer, but once JJ made the switch, all three followed suit. Derek was last.

It made her heart skip a beat. How many mothers could say the first time their children called them mom wasn't when they were toddlers, but so much older. Emily felt sure she would never get tired of it.

She watched from a distance as, Derek walked up to her, the present concealed behind his back. She was close enough to overhear the conversation, and didn't back away.

"Thought you might wanna use this instead of the ugly bat," he said motioning to the heavy metal one that had been around ten years. Then, slowly, he showed her what he'd kept hidden behind his back.

Emily knew what JJ would see. A brand new wooden bat, inscribed with her name: JJ PRENTISS, #4. All three boys had come to her on Christmas Eve asking if they could get it for her as a gift on Christmas morning, but when Emily saw the price and how little money each boy had saved, she suggested waiting until March. They had reluctantly done so, growing increasingly excited, as the day grew nearer. Emily often caught them grinning at each other when JJ dragged the old bat out to hit the ball around.

"You did such a good job not stealing, we wanted you to have it," Spencer said, squeezing her around the middle. "It was going to be a Christmas present, but we didn't have the money. Actually, we _still_ didn't have the money, so Mom covered the rest. Do you like it?"

"Yeah, it's awesome," Emily heard JJ saying.

"Do you see your name? And we put number four because you're the fourth one of us to be adopted, but it's not a ranking of how much we love you," Aaron reassured.

JJ laughed and held him tightly. "Thank you."

"I'll, ah…I'll go get the tape…" Derek said, excusing himself.

Emily busied herself moving chairs inside but JJ stopped her short, plowing into her with a hug. She was sure she knew what it was for, but again, JJ surprised her. "Thank you for adopting me," she said, emotion closing her throat.

Tears came to Emily's eyes as she let go of the chair she was holding and held JJ instead. "Thank you…" she managed, "for being my daughter."

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><p>Is a mother still a mother without children? Is a child still a child without parents?<p>

The thought came, unbidden, into Emily's head as she looked around the table at her family. JJ sat on one side, and Spencer on the other. Then Aaron and Derek. Then Dave and Carolyn. Penelope, Matthew, Nathaniel and Cary. They talked and laughed. Dave kept toasting. Things still went wrong. Matthew could not be torn from staring at Penelope's numerous bracelets to eat. Spencer fed his pizza to Sergio under the table because he didn't like all the ingredients. When Dave started sharing stories about JJ, she got embarrassed and tried to leave the table.

Still, the thought persisted. Though it had been more than a decade since the question first entered Emily's mind and refused to go away. At the time, she had feared the answer was no. She had been sure, if she remained childless, she could never be a mother, and if children were parentless they would remain directionless. But Emily knew better. And as Penelope brought out the giant cake in the shape of the sun and set it down, Emily felt sure. As long as there was love, there was hope. As long as someone, somewhere was willing to take a chance and love these children, everyone could grow and reap the benefits and challenges of loving without condition, of giving beyond what seems reasonable.

Taking in the faces around her one by one, Emily sighed, perfectly content, for the first time in years. This was her family - a beautiful mosaic - the family Emily had always dreamed of. Dave and Carolyn, the warm Italian and his wife, who were true parents when Emily felt anchorless in her youth.

Nathaniel and Cary, true friends, who loved each other, their son and her family with equal intensity. The kind of friends who would drop everything to come to her aid. Their son, Matthew - the nephew she never had - like a wonderful mystery, he amazed her with what he knew, and how much he had learned.

Penelope, a nineteen-year-old young woman who shone like the sun, despite so much heartbreak. Derek, at almost fifteen, battling bravely to overcome the demons in his past. Aaron, her sweet nine-year-old, who had the ability to stop her in her tracks with his insight into fairness, justice, and the human condition. Spencer, her exceptional six-year-old, who had gone from fearing colors and emotional immaturity to a stunningly bright and articulate boy, who remained unflinchingly honest. And, last but not least, JJ. Her strong, quiet thirteen-year-old who fought her compulsive urges daily, and battled academic deficits because she truly wanted something better. Her daughter, the athlete. Her daughter, the fighter.

This was her family…and Emily couldn't wait to truly begin their life together.

_The End._


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